# What is up with letting children run wild in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 7, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553 "2011-02-07T18:41:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/21 "2011-02-07T20:26:20Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > He was screaming that he was on fire. 😛 > > I’m not an agressive person and I had an “oh shit did I really just do that” moment after I did it, but it was an extreme situation. > > I’m betting thats the last time this kid climbs over and into someone elses booth though. I’m fine with you throwing the water. There are two additional tactics I might have used, which probably wouldn’t have worked for you. One is to use my well developed parent’s voice of “Don’t even think of doing that or you are going to be very sorry” on him when he first hit your booth. With practice it becomes very effective, especially since it seems this kid has never heard it before. A kid running around is bad, a kid invading your space is not acceptable. The second is to figure out a way to embarrass the parents in front of their kids. No father likes that. But I’m a guy, which makes it easier. But I agree that the manager should have been on this, because a kid running around uncontrolled is dangerous in an environment full of trays of hot food and drinks. If the brat got scalded, it would be the restaurant’s fault, no doubt. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/22 "2011-02-07T20:28:01Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > As a parent also, this is exactly what I was going to say. > We started our kids at a buffet with their grandparents, so there was always someone to take them out into the lobby if needed (and they never went to the buffet by themselves until they learned proper etiquette.) Same here. My kids are never more than an arm’s length away from a grown-up, basically. This past Easter, though, we went to a buffet with my in-laws. I did allow my kids to be off with their older (14 and 16-year-old) cousins, but that was pretty twitchy for me. I kept thinking that I should be nearby, ready to sternly glare and drag one of them off by the ear if they got rowdy. But I know that the cousins would not put up with any rowdiness. Honestly, it seems that the parents described in the OP were dicks first, (ineffective) parents second. Who fails to notice a conversation between the waitress and the patron behind them about _who can I speak to about this disruption, is there another booth I can sit in_, etc? ETA:\*\* Lurker\*\*, it sounds like the manager was a dick, too. No one felt like acknowledging your spilled coffee, for instance? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/23 "2011-02-07T20:29:15Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > I didn’t get comped for anything. > > The parents were yelling that they deserved a free meal because of what I did, and that I should be arrested, they are calling the cops, they are going to f— me up and so forth. > > The managers initial attitude was that I was in the wrong. :rolleyes: Another patron piped up and said something to the effect of the kid was screaming he was on fire, jumped into the lady’s booth and the lady threw water on him, and a couple of other people confirmed it. The parents kept it up with the I’m going to kick your ass bitch attitude, but I kept cool and insisted I was only trying to help. Crap. You need to document this, and send a letter to the restaurant company with a copy to the manager - and also find some review sites and splatter this story all over them. I trust you’ll never going back to that hellhole again. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/24 "2011-02-07T20:29:57Z")
We’d have left the restaurant when the kids misbehaved - running around the restaurant has never been appropriate. We did once or twice when they were little. Paid the check and left. When I was a kid, there were good parents and bad parents. I remember getting pegged in the head by a flying dinner roll 25 years ago and Perkins being a nightmare for Sunday brunch 30 years ago. I don’t think its changed, but as an adult, your tolerance for misbehaving children has dropped. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/25 "2011-02-07T20:39:07Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > I didn’t get comped for anything… You actually _payed_ for your meal? :eek: Why on Earth would you do that? I would’ve just told the manager to stick her bill where the Sun doesn’t shine and left. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/26 "2011-02-07T20:43:51Z")
This sounds made up. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/27 "2011-02-07T20:46:21Z")
**LurkerInNJ** , you’re my hero. > [@Voyager](#): > > … my well developed parent’s voice of “Don’t even think of doing that or you are going to be very sorry” on him when he first hit your booth. With practice it becomes very effective, especially since it seems this kid has never heard it before. … Yabbut she tried that, before the water. > [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > … The boy is still trying to climb over the back of my booth, screaming that he is on fire, and I say in a do not f— with me voice "Stop it. Do not climb into my booth. " Boy ignores me. … In my experience, semi-feral kids rarely respond to the Do Not Fuck With The Parent Voice. It’s unsettling. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve never heard one before and so don’t know its significance, or because they HAVE heard it but their incompetent parents never follow through on it. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/28 "2011-02-07T20:52:28Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > ETA:\*\* Lurker\*\*, it sounds like the manager was a dick, too. No one felt like acknowledging your spilled coffee, for instance? The waitress was apologetic. She has waited on me many times and I’m an easy customer who tips well, so she is always happy to get me in her section. She cleaned up the mess, got me another coffee and threw out the wet sections of the newspaper for me. The manager was useless. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/29 "2011-02-07T20:59:01Z")
My theory - and it’s just that, a theory - is that there’s some form of psychological mechanism that kicks in when parents are around other adults. For whatever reason, this mechanism somehow makes the parent oblivious to their children once they’re around other adults. Maybe their brain subconsciously assumes that their children are the responsibility of The Village (as it were) and so direct supervision is unnecessary. I’ve seen this in action in several places and in several situations (I know, the plural of anecdote is not data). My stepsister and her husband kept their kids on a tight leash while at home; once the kids were at family gatherings, they completely stopped paying attention to their kids _at all_. It was like they assumed, maybe sub-consciously, that their kids were the responsibility of the other adults in the room. A mom at church is NOTORIOUS for this. Oncer her kids are through the doors of the church, they are the rest of the congregation’s problem, not hers. She obliviously chats away with her friends while her kids run roughshod. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/30 "2011-02-07T21:00:01Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > This sounds made up. Sadly, it’s a true story. If I were to make up a story, it would be a hell of a lot better than I went out to a diner for breakfast after the gym and there were these two misbehaving kids with parents who didn’t care. It would have involved me setting the little shit on fire and using Ninja moves on the parents. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/31 "2011-02-07T21:04:09Z")
Parent here. There is no excuse for the parents in the OP, except that maybe their parents were as shitty as they are so they don’t know any better. You found a creative solution in an impossible situation. It is not an example of how kids are different from in the past though. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/32 "2011-02-07T21:04:39Z")
> [@emmaliminal](#): > > **LurkerInNJ** , you’re my hero. > > Yabbut she tried that, before the water.In my experience, semi-feral kids rarely respond to the Do Not Fuck With The Parent Voice. It’s unsettling. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve never heard one before and so don’t know its significance, or because they HAVE heard it but their incompetent parents never follow through on it. Bratty kids I’ve seen often have parents who say “Stop it” all the time - and nothing happens. what is needed is a “Stop it or else” with the or else being some consequence, which doesn’t have to actually be realistic. But this is much easier advice for a guy, I think. Just like dogs, really. Telling a dog to stay off a lawn does no good, telling her it with a nice jerk on the collar works very well. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/33 "2011-02-07T21:05:41Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > The waitress was apologetic. She has waited on me many times and I’m an easy customer who tips well, so she is always happy to get me in her section. She cleaned up the mess, got me another coffee and threw out the wet sections of the newspaper for me. > > The manager was useless. So give the waitress a tip and let the restaurant eat the cost of the meal. I hate to say it, but you’re part of the reason why the manager is useless. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/34 "2011-02-07T21:08:29Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > This sounds made up. I second that one. Or at least a story about what you wanted/wished you did. The parents were horrible, no question. I’ve got a 6 year old boy and he can be a fucking lunatic at times; but it’s my wife and my responsibility to keep that in check. 90% of the time it works, the other time one or both of us are going outside with him to chill out or we’re leaving. That being said, dumping water on a kid, whether or not it’s all cutesy and coy, is a pretty messed up thing to do for an adult to do. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/35 "2011-02-07T21:09:46Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > You actually _payed_ for your meal? :eek: Why on Earth would you do that? I would’ve just told the manager to stick her bill where the Sun doesn’t shine and left. I didn’t want to leave at the same time or right after the parents did because of the threats they made, so I stayed and ate. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/36 "2011-02-07T21:11:40Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > …That being said, dumping water on a kid, whether or not it’s all cutesy and coy, is a pretty messed up thing to do for an adult to do. I agree, but unfortunatly it’s no longer social acceptable for the OP to just smack the little brat across his face. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/37 "2011-02-07T21:20:12Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Isn’t it great when obnoxious people give us an excuse to slag on people with real problems that we just don’t happen to buy? > > No, really, it probably _is_ great. It lets normal people blow off steam so they don’t go out and start branding Aspies on the forehead or tying them to car bumpers. Swing and a miss. We’re slagging on the people who make the excuses, not the person about whom the excuse is being made. Now, if someone does come in and says “But what if they have Asperger’s?” and someone else slags on Aspies, I’ll line up with you for the pile-on. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/38 "2011-02-07T21:30:14Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > That being said, dumping water on a kid, whether or not it’s all cutesy and coy, is a pretty messed up thing to do for an adult to do. Throwing a pot of hot coffee on the kid would have been “messed up”. I gave the father and son an exaggerated “Excuse me!” and was pointedly ignored. I gave the mother stinkeye and she got one kid under control at her leisure. I asked the waitress to handle the situation. I asked for the manager. I got loud with the parents and said “Please control your children!” and was ignored. I told the screaming 9 year old very clearly “Stop it. Do not climb into my booth” and he ignored me and continued. Said kid is now in my booth, next to me, still carrying on, only now I have jelly on my clothes and coffee spilled all over my paper. Should I have offered to buy him ice cream instead? ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/39 "2011-02-07T21:33:33Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Should I have offered to buy him ice cream instead? What would Jesus do? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Nene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/da6949/32.png) [@El\_Nene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Nene)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/40 "2011-02-07T21:36:29Z")
He cleaned the table after the family left. What would you expect him to do? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=3)