# What is up with letting children run wild in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 7, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553 "2011-02-07T18:41:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/81 "2011-02-08T00:47:25Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Try again. I thought the OP just made that part up on the fly so her explanation to the parents would sound better. Good story. A little on the extreme side, but good. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/82 "2011-02-08T00:56:20Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > And what a great lesson for the kids, eh? “If someone is bothering you, hold it all in until you finally get so angry you commit a minor act of assault on their children, and then avoid responsibility by saying it was an accident! That’s the way adults resolve things!” The lesson for the kids is that they will be spanked (or hosed down) when they misbehave. That a stranger had to teach them this instead of their sperm-donor/incubator guardians is a different story. If this wasn’t a wake-up call for the non-parents in question then nothing is. The op did them a service by pointing out the obvious. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/83 "2011-02-08T00:57:57Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > Some people are just crap at being parents. My kids would have been out of there in two seconds but you were on edge the moment you saw the kids, what does that say about you? Maybe you don’t like kids much do you? It says the op can spot monkey-stupid when it presents itself. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/84 "2011-02-08T01:00:57Z")
I do have sympathy for the OP and recognized the classic stages that such incidents usually progress through: 1. Overlooking the behavior in hopes that the offenders will settle down or go away 2. Administering stern reproving glances that are ignored. 3. Steaming in silence until a blow-up point is reached, and 4. Saying something to the clueless parents which will either be ignored or provoke a nasty confrontation.\* None of the above are conducive to a nice, relaxing meal out. Tossing water on the obnoxious little turd was a nice touch, if a bit over the top. I would have enjoyed seeing it. One possible solution to the invisible don’t-give-a-damn manager would be to stand up and make an announcement to the adjoining tables, to the effect that since your meal was ruined you’d be seeking a refund and suggesting anyone else who felt that way do the same. That, plus an appropriate complaint to higher management/ownership might be an effective counter to the philosophy that “we don’t want to offend families, no matter how sociopathic they are”. > [@Rilchiam](#): > > I knew you don’t live in the real world, sven, but this is way beyond what I would have predicted from you. Just out of curiosity, how would this scenario have played out in Cameroon? Inane as her responses were, they’re actually better than I expected. I was prepared to hear about how loud unruly children are considered a blessing in Africa, it takes a village to raise a child and that it’s a Western affectation to expect a table to oneself in relative peace when eating out. 🙂 \*You never know how a word to the parents will be taken or how it could backfire. Not long after Mrs. J. and I moved to our present community, we got in the habit of eating Sunday breakfast at a local outlet of a coffeehouse chain featuring special coffees and pastry, with soothing classical music on the sound system. One Sunday morning in our section there was Screechina and Hellboy running around and yelling as mom heedlessly dawdled over her breakfast remnants (dad was nowhere in sight). I finally approached her and suggested that she act like a parent and control her children. I was rewarded with a glare, although she did get the brats out of there (and another customer came up and thanked me). It turned out that Mommie was on the medical staff at the hospital I’d started working at and I encountered her in the docs’ lounge. :eek: I _think_ she eventually forgave me. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/85 "2011-02-08T01:05:14Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Out of curiosity, **LurkerInNJ** , the parents are obviously the real culprits here. If “tossing water on someone” was a reasonable action given how you were provoked, why didn’t you do it to the parents? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? > > Oh, yeah, right, because that would have some balls. You chose instead to “solve” this problem by throwing water on a kid and then lying and saying it wasn’t intentional. Way to stand up for yourself there! You’re a class act. > > Well, at least it’d stand a chance of being effective. If you’ll remember the OP, his method basically ruined his meal and left him very angry for a long time. He only got some relief when he finally broke down and chucked a glass of water on someone’s kid. Sounds like a textbook “bad way to handle the situation” if you ask me. > > And what a great lesson for the kids, eh? “If someone is bothering you, hold it all in until you finally get so angry you commit a minor act of assault on their children, and then avoid responsibility by saying it was an accident! That’s the way adults resolve things!” That’s not how it went down, and you know it. Trying to maintain some dignity is not being “passive-aggressive.” The family in this anecdote forfeited any expectation of their being treated politely when they let the kid behave rudely. And you know equally well that the OP did not “lie” about why she dumped water on the kid. The kid and his family were **unreasonably and unbearably obnoxious.** I am not going to microanalyze the OP’s reactions. We can’t all be perfect like you. ---
**Author:** ![Trubie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71c47a/32.png) [@Trubie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trubie)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/86 "2011-02-08T01:18:38Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > He was screaming that he was on fire. 😛 > > I’m not an agressive person and I had an “oh shit did I really just do that” moment after I did it, but it was an extreme situation. > > I’m betting thats the last time this kid climbs over and into someone elses booth though. I can’t help but wonder what part of NJ you’re from. Typical guido behavior. JK 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/87 "2011-02-08T01:29:17Z")
Things were a lot more civil back in the day when restaurants ground their own hamburger. If a kid got out of line, then into the grinder with him. It kept the restaurants quiet, and the hamburgers inexpensive. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/88 "2011-02-08T01:33:51Z")
I’m wondering if the parents did this deliberately to get a free meal. Their behavior is just over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/89 "2011-02-08T01:37:41Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > And what a great lesson for the kids, eh? “If someone is bothering you, hold it all in until you finally get so angry you commit a minor act of assault on their children, and then avoid responsibility by saying it was an accident! That’s the way adults resolve things!” The kids were already being taught a bad lesson…but let’s not get into that. As far as the OP’s actions, methinks it **could** be taken as a lesson that “If your behavior bothers people enough, they might react in a way you don’t like, so perhaps you should think about how your actions affect others.” **Magiver** , ooh! That crossed my mind too. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/90 "2011-02-08T01:45:08Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I thought the OP just made that part up on the fly so her explanation to the parents would sound better. Correct. I’m not a mom. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/91 "2011-02-08T01:46:27Z")
Did the kid spill your coffee onto your newspaper the first time you told this story? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/92 "2011-02-08T01:53:02Z")
> [@Trubie](#): > > I can’t help but wonder what part of NJ you’re from. > > Typical guido behavior. JK 😉 I’m not from NJ. I was living in NJ at the time I signed up, and I work in NJ. My boyfriend lives in NJ, so I post a lot from NJ, but I am a native NYC girl. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/93 "2011-02-08T01:58:24Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > The kid and his family were **unreasonably and unbearably obnoxious.** I am not going to microanalyze the OP’s reactions. Well, I think the decision to throw water on the kid at _that point_ represented a fair measure of restraint. I expect shoving the kid away with two hands would come off worse, as would jabbing him with the butter knife. I don’t know what I would have done in such extremis. It’s just absurd and pathetic that the situation reached such a point. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/94 "2011-02-08T01:58:26Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > If someone is bothering you, hold it all in until you finally get so angry you commit a minor act of assault on their children, and then avoid responsibility by saying it was an accident! That’s the way adults resolve things!" Sven, what is it when it rains? Attempted murder? You really have me, and the situation, all wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/95 "2011-02-08T01:59:41Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > \ > Chances are the entire thing could have been solved by, at the beginning of a the meal, saying “Excuse me, I’ve noticed your children are getting a bit restless. I know this restaurant offers kids crayons with the kids menu…perhaps I could ask the waitress to get you some? It’s really sweet seeing a family out together like this, but they are bumping my seat quite a bit. Could you try to keep them in your seating area? I really appreciate that.” and perhaps putting in a pre-emptive request to be seated elsewhere. if you misjudged the situation and thought they would go away before it would bother you too much, well that sucks, but that’s no excuse for continuing not to deal with it. This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard on these boards in a long time. I’m a lot more likely to say something like, “If you don’t control your kids, I will.” ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/96 "2011-02-08T02:00:21Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Did the kid spill your coffee onto your newspaper the first time you told this story? Yes, original post, paragraph 6, line 3. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/97 "2011-02-08T02:06:14Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Out of curiosity, **LurkerInNJ** , the parents are obviously the real culprits here. If “tossing water on someone” was a reasonable action given how you were provoked, why didn’t you do it to the parents? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? Maybe you skimmed over this part of the story? [QUOTE=Lurker] The boy decides it’s time to crash his racecar self into the back of my booth, and fling his crashed racecar self over the back of my seat and into my booth, complete with crashed driver on fire screams. I get loud and say to the parents, who are ignoring their childrens behavior, “Please control your child!”. They turn around and look at me like I am bothering them, doing nothing. I decide against physically stopping the boy from climbing in because I’m starting to get more angry than annoyed. The boy is still trying to climb over the back of my booth, screaming that he is on fire, and I say in a do not f— with me voice "Stop it. Do not climb into my booth. " Boy ignores me. While climbing over, he knocks my coffee onto my Sunday paper and puts his jelly hands on me. I decide to put out his racecar fire with my water. Complete silence. Lady across from me who had been giving me sympathy looks is trying to stifle her laughter. [/QUOTE] The parents did not invade her booth. The kid did. As for gently telling them that their kid is causing a scene, that is like telling a streaker that his zipper is open. it is not like they were going to express surprise at this. And she did try. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/98 "2011-02-08T02:13:01Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Sven, what is it when it rains? Attempted murder? Would you pour water on an adult who was pissing you off? Why not? One good reason is that they very well could try to create legal consequences. Another is that pouring water on people simply is not a good way to solve disputes. We live in the kind of society where it’s not okay for people to express their anger by lobbing drinks at each other. Of course, a big reason why you don’t go pour glasses of water on people who bug you is that they may get upset and fight back. I suspect it’s this that was the key factor in your decision. You decided to pour a cup on water on a kid because they were pissing you off, you wanted some sort of revenge, and you knew they had no way to fight back. Then instead of owning up to what you did (“Your kid was crawling all over my booth, so I poured a cup of water on him to try to make him stop”) you gave a bullshit excuse. Classy. Anyway, I agree that this probably didn’t even happen, but if it did I just can’t see how pouring a glass of a water on a kid is a victory for the little guy. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/99 "2011-02-08T02:16:41Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > Some people are just crap at being parents. My kids would have been out of there in two seconds but you were on edge the moment you saw the kids, what does that say about you? Maybe you don’t like kids much do you? I like kids just fine and had no expectations of having a Zen experience in a diner during weekend brunch hours. A blind and deaf person would have noticed how disruptive these two were, and the only reason I accepted the seating in the first place was because it looked as if they were done eating and getting ready to leave. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/100 "2011-02-08T02:42:50Z")
Out of curiosity, and I apologize if this was already mentioned and I missed it, but how did the kid react when you doused him? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=6)