# What is up with letting children run wild in public? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 7, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553 "2011-02-07T18:41:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/141 "2011-02-08T15:07:17Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > As you’ve learned, sitting around glaring and stewing doesn’t make your life better, and the feeling of righteous martyrdom really isn’t as awesome as it seems. Throwing a cup of water on a kid because you chose to confront your problems in a passive-agressive manner and let the tension rack up until you were out of control is not cute or reasonable. Nice spin. You know, not everyone pulls out the big guns on every annoyance right away. Most people do not hear an unruly child in a restaurant, and immediately demand that the child be silenced, while documenting the entire ordeal, with a lawyer on speed dial. It’s just not that serious. Most people will ignore it, because while annoying, it’s a minor inconvenience that will soon end, and the hassle of being the Unyielding Defender of Silence isn’t worth it. Just stay put for a few minutes, and all will be well. If, however, it becomes clear that the ruckus will be ongoing and has progressed from normal loud child shenanigans into unreasonably disruptive obnoxiousness, then the customer should say something to the parent, instead of just waiting for it to end, which, as I’m sure you’ve read, is what happened. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > If I were in that situation I would have stood up, put my hands on the child, walked him forcibly (not painfully, but firmly) to the front door, opened it, and put him outside. Then I would have written my phone number down on a piece of paper and told the parents they’d be paying to replace my ruined clothing, or hearing from an attorney if they refused. Then I would have followed them out to their car and taken down the license plate number. > > I think her reaction was extraordinarily reasonable. LOL. Well aren’t you tough, but fair. You would not have done this, and are \*\*entirely \*\*full of shit. > [@Fiveyearlurker](#): > > Is that a euphemism for “made up”? Yes, but I’m going to give **Lurker** the benefit of the doubt, because I love this story so much. > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > My wife’s been teaching for 20 years; she has the same ability. We call the look “Teacher Face”: :mad: > 😃 “Teacher Face.” I love it. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/142 "2011-02-08T16:50:11Z")
> [@stegon66](#): > > For a board that’s generally supportive of service industry drones, I’m surprised at the “asshole manager should have done something” attitude. Done what exactly? Told them, “you’re done with your meal (which was the case, remember - napkins already on the plates when the OP arrived, check and boxed leftovers within a few minutes afterwards), one of you please proceed to the cash register at the front of the store to pay for your meal, and the other please escort your children out of the restaurant.” If the parents gave the manager any backtalk, that would be the time to play the trespassing card: “if you don’t move promptly and expeditiously towards the register and the exit, I will regard you as trespassers and will have one of my staff call the police.” ---
**Author:** ![eno801](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@eno801](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eno801)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/143 "2011-02-08T17:26:16Z")
My mother used this particular method on unusually unruly kids. She would pull them to the to the side with a pinch on the upper arm. This woman’s hand strength is unbelievable, ask me how I know. She would then get in their face and tell them to stop it in a low whisper. and then send them off with a " I dare you to tell your parents". She would probably get arrested nowadays, lol. this was the 70’s though. Sometimes I run into one of the kids she had done this to at party or something years later, and they all said she scared the fuck out of them so they stopped. None ever held a grudge. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/144 "2011-02-08T18:09:55Z")
> [@stegon66](#): > > For a board that’s generally supportive of service industry drones, I’m surprised at the “asshole manager should have done something” attitude. Done what exactly? At the very, very least, come out and told me that there was dick-all he could do about the situation and apologize. At which point I would get up and leave without paying, and never, ever, _ever_ come back. There are too many places to eat to waste my time and money patronizing a place where the alleged manager is impotent to actually, ya know, manage the dining room. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/145 "2011-02-08T18:33:23Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > The difference, of course, is that any liability for injury would not be the OP’s. But the manager ignored the problem. In any case the water was not to stop the kid from running around, it was to inform the kid that climbing into someone elses booth was not acceptable. Which it did. Keeping the kid from potential injury was a useful side effect. > [@](#): > > And I have a hard time believing that so many people would douse a child, or an adult, if they were in the same situation. What’s so hard about going somewhere else? All covered in the OP and subsequent posts. They were in the middle of paying - so why leave.? > [@](#): > > I’m almost forty, have been in numerous scuffles and altercations, but I can’t ever recall dousing someone, child or adult, with water (unless we’re counting a day at the beach or something). I haven’t either. But as a father I’ve got make kids behave resources women without kids don’t have. I never hit my kids but I have grabbed them and held them tight when they were out of control - never in public, I’m happy to say. > [@](#): > > Again, the kid and the parents were obnoxious. But I put the responsibility primarily on the parents. If a dousee was deserving it would be them, and I certainly don’t advise getting into fights with people with a disregard for societal rules and convention. It just doesn’t seem worth the risk when there’s other places to buy coffee, read a paper, etc. If you’ve ever trained a dog, you know that punishing the dog for an infraction on a walk when you get home is useless. The water was a direct and immediate response to the kid’s misbehavior, and it was effective. Unless the kids is a sociopath he knew he was wrong; he just had to be shocked back into control. Yeah, the parents did abdicated their duties, but the goal was not to give child rearing advice, but to get the kid away. > [@](#): > > The business didn’t learn anything from this because they still got the OP’s money. If a number of customers left after these people showed up that would reinforce the idea. Maybe, but it would never be noticed. I definitely think that complaining to corporate about the situation and the manager would be far more useful. A mass walkout, maybe. I’m not a big fan of appeasement myself. I’d have been sore tempted to restrain the kid and march him to his parents. (Not outside, what if he got run over?) If they threatened me, I’d threaten to charge the kid with assault. But that was not a realistic option for the OP, and her way was probably better. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/146 "2011-02-08T18:41:49Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > He was screaming that he was on fire. 😛 > > I’m not an agressive person and I had an “oh shit did I really just do that” moment after I did it, but it was an extreme situation. > > I’m betting thats the last time this kid climbs over and into someone elses booth though. One trains cats and dogs to not pee on the carpet by dousing them with water. They manage to learn. Somehow, though, I don’t think that kid will. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/147 "2011-02-08T20:30:46Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > I think it’s extremely poor form to douse a kid, especially not your kid, with water. The story ends up fine, but what if the kid slipped and fell? Slipped and fell out of my booth? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/148 "2011-02-08T20:45:16Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > If I were in that situation I would have stood up, put my hands on the child, walked him forcibly (not painfully, but firmly) to the front door, opened it, and put him outside. Then I would have written my phone number down on a piece of paper and told the parents they’d be paying to replace my ruined clothing, or hearing from an attorney if they refused. Then I would have followed them out to their car and taken down the license plate number. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > LOL. Well aren’t you tough, but fair. You would not have done this, and are \*\*entirely \*\*full of shit. Wait, so you’re telling me she _won’t_ be taken seriously on her threat to sue for her $50 outfit? That just sounds preposterous. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/149 "2011-02-08T20:56:10Z")
If someone threatened to sue me for 50 bucks, I’d tell them I’ll be waiting with bated breath for the letter from their attorney. How many people actually go out of their way for a $50 dollar lawsuit? I mean, in reality? I suppose the parents could counter-claim for negligence of a child, since he was put outside unattended or possibly child endangerment? I have to say I’m totally blown away by the number of people that would actually touch someone else’s kid, whether to move them outside a restaurant or pinch their arms or what have you. I just don’t believe there are that many vigilantes amongst the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/150 "2011-02-08T21:04:18Z")
I will touch someone else’s kid in the following hypothetical circumstances: 1. The kid is about to do something very dangerous, such as run into traffic. 2. The kid is harming or about to harm one of my own kids. 3. The kid is harassing me or in my personal space and has ignored requests to knock it off. Situation 1 and 2 have actually happened to me in the past. Situation 3 has not. I have never run into a situation where using the “mom voice” on a kid or group of kids has not been enough to get them knock it off and clear out. If I did, I would readily pick the kid up and remove him from my booth or whatever. Regarding this whole “lawsuit for a ruined suit” thing, I worked in a Mexican restaurant when I was a teenager, and once we did have a customer threaten to sue us if we didn’t cover the cost of her dry-cleaning after a waitress accidentally spilled a margarita on her coat. The manager comped her dinner and she was happy with that. (I thought about awesomizing this anecdote a little bit by adding a little kid that was running around the restaurant and then crashed into the waitress, making her spill an entire tray of margaritas into the woman’s lap, but no, this thread is sufficiently awesome already and does not need an additional awesome infusion.) ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/151 "2011-02-08T21:12:52Z")
I’m always amazed at the number of people who think they need to retain an attorney for a visit to small claims court. They’re usually flat broke, which makes it even more hilarious. “Wait, you won’t take my $50 case on a contingency basis??” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/152 "2011-02-08T21:27:06Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > “Teacher Face.” I love it. My wife has asked to see my teacher face for years, and I’ve had to tell her that I can’t produce it on demand, so she was disappointed (the best I could do was my “angry emu face”). Until I had my sister and her (truly wonderful) kids over for brunch. After he finished eating, the four year old went into the living room to play. He found a ball, and being four, didn’t think about what he was doing: he threw it. And it went bounding across the dining room table. And I whipped my head around. My wife got to see my teacher face. She said it scared her. I was pleased. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/153 "2011-02-08T21:30:25Z")
I wish I had a teacher face. I get angry with my 3yo and he just laughs at the funny face daddy’s making. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/154 "2011-02-08T21:36:40Z")
I get one and two, but that’s not what I was talking about. Obviously a danger to oneself or others is clearly, and legally, allowed to be prevented. I just don’t see how any cop or court in the world would side with an adult who moved a kid outside, or pinched their arms, or what not for harassing you or your personal space. This is not your home, it’s a restaurant. I get the anger towards the manager, but again; I don’t think a person can just _walk out_ without paying the tab. A lot of people would like to do those things, but I think the reality of those occurrences are quite rare. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/155 "2011-02-08T21:36:51Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > I’m always amazed at the number of people who think they need to retain an attorney for a visit to small claims court. They’re usually flat broke, which makes it even more hilarious. > > “Wait, you won’t take my $50 case on a contingency basis??” Slacker. You could make [_millions._](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearson_v._Chung) ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/156 "2011-02-08T21:37:15Z")
I’m late to the party, but I wanted to say that I love the OP’s response to the annoying kid. My son hasn’t acted up in a restaurant so much that we’ve had to physically remove him, though I have had to do a fireman’s carry out of Target, the grocery store and a Borders. The OP’s story makes me wish that a fountain were handy then. ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/157 "2011-02-08T21:44:22Z")
I, too, have the Teacher Face, although at our house it’s called The Evil Eye. After 20 years of teaching, I wouldn’t have hesitated about throwing water on the kid. He won’t die. I probably would have growled at him something about getting away from me NOW. Kids that I do that too tend to slink back to their parental units with their thumbs in their mouth. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/158 "2011-02-08T21:50:48Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > I just don’t see how any cop or court in the world would side with an adult who moved a kid outside, or pinched their arms, or what not for harassing you or your personal space. We’re talking about a person who gets into “bathroom mode” and sulks and is depressed when her roommate hops in the shower before her. ---
**Author:** ![stegon66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@stegon66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stegon66)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/159 "2011-02-08T21:52:45Z")
> [@](#): > > At the very, very least, come out and told me that there was dick-all he could do about the situation and apologize. Yes, you’re right and I said as much. As for managers “sitting in their offices,” I doubt that happens much. I WISH I had time to sit down. As it is, out of a nine hour shift I get to sit down maybe ten minutes (to fill out paperwork) and I have to be out front when I’m doing that. Other than that I’m unfortunately doing grunt work, not on the floor where I should be. Sucks but that’s the way it is. As for kicking people out, only in the most extreme circumstances can you do that. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553/160 "2011-02-08T22:01:13Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > We’re talking about a person who gets into “bathroom mode” and sulks and is depressed when her roommate hops in the shower before her. Fair enough. I’m really surprised by the number of “I’LL FILE A LAWSUIT!” threats there are in a thread about a kid knocking food on your clothes. Work out clothes no less. If the waitress spilled the jelly or coffee or whatever, would you sue the restaurant? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-up-with-letting-children-run-wild-in-public/570553.md?page=9)