# What is worse:- Underage girls who look/act much older - or girls who look underage? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 24, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968 "2004-09-24T23:32:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cryptic\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@cryptic\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cryptic_j)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/1 "2004-09-24T23:32:54Z")
What I mean here - before I get accused of anything… If you find a girl attractive - at a club, or walking down the street - and maybe you chat her up - - is it worse if she IS underage but looked and acted older… or if she looks underage but is say - in her mid twenties… ## It’s a debate I’ve had with work colleages before - and it’s a touchy subject. Tales from the **cryptic** ---
**Author:** ![chaparralv8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@chaparralv8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaparralv8)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/2 "2004-09-25T00:09:14Z")
> [@cryptic\_j](#): > > What I mean here - before I get accused of anything… > > If you find a girl attractive - at a club, or walking down the street - and maybe you chat her up - - is it worse if she IS underage but looked and acted older… or if she looks underage but is say - in her mid twenties… > > ## It’s a debate I’ve had with work colleages before - and it’s a touchy subject. > > Tales from the **cryptic** How old are you? If you’re 17-19 and she’s 15 then you only have to avoid sex, drugs and alcohol and you’ll be fine. If she’s 20-23 but looks a lot younger than that, there’s no problem at all. However, if you’re 25-30 and she is a lot younger than you, then you may have a problem. As an adult, you should be able to recognize pretty quickly whether you’re talking to an adult or an adolescent. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/3 "2004-09-25T00:10:12Z")
Men who are not secure enough in themselves to want to date a woman and instead look for a child substitute. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/4 "2004-09-25T02:38:52Z")
> [@cryptic\_j](#): > > If you find a girl attractive - at a club, or walking down the street - and maybe you chat her up - - is it worse if she IS underage but looked and acted older… or if she looks underage but is say - in her mid twenties… Worse in what sense? The former is worse in that you’re likely to get in trouble because of it. The latter is worse in that it says something unfortunate about the type of girls you’re attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/5 "2004-09-25T05:54:51Z")
Once when I was around 22, I was flirting with a girl I though was around my age, maybe a year or so younger. I then found out she was 17. While legally I might have been in danger I don’t feel I was acting immorally. I honestly believed I was hitting on a woman my own age. On the other hand, if I had been flirting with a 21 year old in the mistaken belief that she was only 17 (or an 18 year old in the mistaken belief she was only 14), I would have been legally okay but morally I would be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/6 "2004-09-25T06:34:02Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > On the other hand, if I had been flirting with a 21 year old in the mistaken belief that she was only 17 (or an 18 year old in the mistaken belief she was only 14), I would have been legally okay but morally I would be wrong. Would you still feel you were acting immorally if you were in a jurisdiction where the age of consent were lower than 17 (or 14)? ---
**Author:** ![ThatGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e5b9ba/32.png) [@ThatGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/7 "2004-09-25T20:43:14Z")
the whole immoral thing based on age of consent legality seems so silly to me. My girlfriend of two years and i are a few years apart, and now we are on different sides of the age barrier. I have a hard time believing that my dating her was pefectly fine a year ago but is now immoral (until another year goes by). Doesn’t an age difference law make more sense? ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/8 "2004-09-26T00:16:28Z")
Definitely full-figured, adult-acting 15 year olds. Hands off the jailbait. ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/9 "2004-09-26T01:52:32Z")
I’d say it’s merely a shift in the moral problem. You hitting on a girl who looks underage but isn’t is a moral issue for you. A girl who is underage passing as older to seduce unwitting men is a moral issue for her. Scale, as always, is situational. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/10 "2004-09-26T02:06:06Z")
The OP should have phrased the question, “Which is **better**. . . ?” That said, it would be a tough call! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/11 "2004-09-26T03:58:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Would you still feel you were acting immorally if you were in a jurisdiction where the age of consent were lower than 17 (or 14)? I know there are areas where 14 is the age of consent. In my opinion, anyone who would travel to another city with the intent of picking up women who are too young back home has some moral issues. Of course, in my opinion at least, I don’t think a 14 year old should be having sex with anyone else, including another 14 year old. Personally, I’m old enough now where I’d feel immoral dating a 25 year old. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/12 "2004-09-26T03:58:51Z")
First of all, is this even a Great Debate? > [@casdave](#): > > Men who are not secure enough in themselves to want to date a woman and instead look for a child substitute. Isn’t this a bit harsh? I mean, he’s not even talking about dating yet, just about meeting someone at a club or on the street. In answer to the OP, I’m female and I have to say it’s the 15 year old girls looking and acting much older that are much worse. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/13 "2004-09-26T04:45:37Z")
If this is a moral question and not a strictly legal one, then we’ve got to consider intent. Someone who flirts a bit with a mature-looking adolescent at a club, but refuses to take things further when it becomes apparent that they aren’t dealing with an adult, has not done anything morally wrong. Someone who goes after an adult they believe to be an adolescent has the same intent as someone who goes after actual adolescents. ---
**Author:** ![cryptic\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@cryptic\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cryptic_j)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/14 "2004-09-26T17:27:42Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > The OP should have phrased the question, “Which is **better**. . . ?” > > That said, it would be a tough call! 😃 Funny you should say that - when I was discussing this at work - and said about girls who look much younger, one person said “You’ve seen some that good?” My rule of morality for dating would be if they are older than my sister… (I’m 25, she is 17) - - in the UK 16 is the legal age… having said that, when I was single I did hit on people her age… (but I was a few years younger) luckily it’s not an issue for me now… but the legal/moral thing is interesting - - I mentioned to my girlfriend last year that Hilary Swank was hot and that “I would” - to tease her ( I hope to god I’ve got the right name here ) - -and she berated me because she’s 16… not 18… and therefore that was both immoral AND illegal (my girlfriend is American, legal age 18) When I was 22 I had a 16 year old girlfriend - - although potentially frowned upon by some of my friends - - there was no real moral or legal issue in it that I saw ( it didn’t last… I was too immature for her ) - - but the idea of that relationship to m,y current girlfriend would be the same to me as someone going with a 14 year old and being 20. * * * Tales from teh **cryptic** ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/15 "2004-09-26T17:40:10Z")
> [@Mr2001](#): > > The latter is worse in that it says something unfortunate about the type of girls you’re attracted to. So if you’re a guy who’s attracted to a women who is 24, but looks 16, makes the situation unfortunate and immoral some how? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![yoyodyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a9a28c/32.png) [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/16 "2004-09-26T18:09:26Z")
> [@cryptic\_j](#): > > - > - I mentioned to my girlfriend last year that Hilary Swank was hot and that “I would” - to tease her ( I hope to god I’ve got the right name here ) - -and she berated me because she’s 16… not 18… and therefore that was both immoral AND illegal (my girlfriend is American, legal age 18) I don’t think that would be a [problem](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005476/)😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/17 "2004-09-26T18:13:02Z")
> [@cryptic\_j](#): > > but the legal/moral thing is interesting - - I mentioned to my girlfriend last year that Hilary Swank was hot and that “I would” - to tease her ( I hope to god I’ve got the right name here ) - -and she berated me because she’s 16… not 18… and therefore that was both immoral AND illegal (my girlfriend is American, legal age 18) You mean Hilary _Duff_, right? Anyway, the American age of consent varies from state to state. In some places it’s 18, but in most states it’s younger. I believe 16 is actually the most common age of consent in the US, and in a couple of states teens are “legal” at 14 or 15. The age of consent may actually be 18 wherever your girlfriend comes from, but judging solely from what I’ve seen in related GD threads it seems that many Americans have the mistaken idea that there’s some national age of consent and that this age is 18. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/18 "2004-09-26T18:33:25Z")
> [@ParentalAdvisory](#): > > So if you’re a guy who’s attracted to a women who is 24, but looks 16, makes the situation unfortunate and immoral some how? Immoral? No. But it is unfortunate, because your eyes (and, uh, other parts) are attracted to her body, not her age. One day you may find out that the girl who looks 16 really is 16, and then you may find yourself branded with the scarlet letter of a sex offender. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/19 "2004-09-26T18:52:17Z")
> [@cryptic\_j](#): > > but the legal/moral thing is interesting - - I mentioned to my girlfriend last year that Hilary Swank was hot and that “I would” - to tease her ( I hope to god I’ve got the right name here ) - -and she berated me because she’s 16… not 18… and therefore that was both immoral AND illegal (my girlfriend is American, legal age 18) I believe you were thinking of Hilary **Duff.** ([http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0240381/](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0240381/)) I know I do. Sometimes at 2 in the morning. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2004, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968/20 "2004-09-27T10:58:49Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > I believe you were thinking of Hilary **Duff.** ([http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0240381/](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0240381/)) > > I know I do. Sometimes at 2 in the morning. 😃 Maybe he was thinking of Hilary Clinton. Now she’s old enough. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-worse-underage-girls-who-look-act-much-older-or-girls-who-look-underage/265968.md?page=2)