# what is wrong with guys?! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 20, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825 "2003-01-20T17:40:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![rowanashe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/edb3f5/32.png) [@rowanashe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowanashe)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/1 "2003-01-20T17:40:52Z")
What is it about guys that they say they care about you and love you but the second you’re gone they date your friend and say they were miserable the whole time they were with you? I’m trying to figure out where the saying “Be a Man” came from. None of the guys I know have any balls. They are so scared of hurting me that they lie, make me miserable, and waste my time. What is so wrong with honesty? If you don’t want to be with me cause you’d rather date my friend for 4 months then get engaged, don’t waste 1 1/2 years of my life, plus the time it takes for me to get over you. What a fuckin asshole! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/2 "2003-01-20T17:43:07Z")
Got news for you … women do that too. I know first hand. I’m actually sorry you had to have that happen – I can commiserate, just in a vice-versa sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/3 "2003-01-20T18:20:29Z")
Listen to Spandau Ballet and all will be revealed. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/4 "2003-01-20T18:32:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rowanashe \* > \*\*What is it about guys that they say they care about you and love you but the second you’re gone they date your friend and say they were miserable the whole time they were with you? \*\* First: I hope you feel better, and time heals all wounds. The behavior of that guy is bad/hypocritical. Second: This is only a guess and in no way does it make the behavior appropriate: I think the guy probably said that to your friend (the part about being miserable) in order to gain the confidence of your friend. Your friend should be smarter than that, but apparantly she fell for it. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rowanashe \* > **I’m trying to figure out where the saying “Be a Man” came from. None of the guys I know have any balls. They are so scared of hurting me that they lie, make me miserable, and waste my time.** I think they should be honest and not try to make you miserable, and I think you need to find a better set of guys to hang around. I’m sorry that they are spineless. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rowanashe \* > \*\*What is so wrong with honesty? If you don’t want to be with me cause you’d rather date my friend for 4 months then get engaged, don’t waste 1 1/2 years of my life, plus the time it takes for me to get over you. What a fuckin asshole! \*\* He does sound like an asshole, but think about it this way: Your friend has GOT to be questioning his morals. In fact, that could be one of the reasons he sprung for a quick proposal. He had to calm her doubts, so he threw down the ace and asked for her hand in marriage. My bet is that their engagement will be long and his excuses will grow. ---
**Author:** ![rowanashe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/edb3f5/32.png) [@rowanashe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowanashe)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/5 "2003-01-20T18:33:58Z")
Yeah, women are evil but I don’t date them so… Maybe I should change it to why are people assholes! what do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/6 "2003-01-20T18:57:41Z")
Well. People _are_ assholes. Heck. I’m a people. And _I’m_ an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/7 "2003-01-20T19:01:46Z")
Yeah, but we love you anyway, Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/8 "2003-01-20T19:23:59Z")
Really. What _is_ wrong with guys? I hope we can get this settled real soon so we can go on to figure out what is wrong with (insert ethnic or religious stereotype). > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rowanashe \* > \*\* > > What is so wrong with honesty?\*\* Nothing at all. It’s a great policy. And judging from your strong belief in honesty, that means you will: [ul] [li]swear off makeup[/li][li]swear off wonderbras[/li][li]swear off “body shapers”[/li][li]swear off hair color[/li][li]ditch control-top pantyhose[/li][li]and if you chase a jerk with a large income, you won’t try to tell us it’s because of his “dreamy eyes” or somesuch bullshit.[/li][/ul] Yeah, go ahead and flame me for citing physical attributes (that aren’t that important to me.) Point is, everything cited about is designed to present a dishonest image. You want honesty? Get honest. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/9 "2003-01-20T19:33:06Z")
> [@](#): > > None of the guys I know have any balls. you really have to stop hanging out with Eunuchs. They’re right bastards. Seriously, don’t judge all men by the actions of the few. We’re not all shitehawks. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/10 "2003-01-20T19:43:03Z")
Um…you know dopers, I think she’s just upset at what’s gone on with her life lately. I highly doubt she means this OP to be a condemnation of all men everywhere. And as far as the honesty thing goes, look at the context: I don’t think she’s saying that people should be honest in all regards (no makeup and that sort), but rather honest in where the relationship is headed. I could be wrong of course…I’ve been wrong before…TODAY even…😃 ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/11 "2003-01-20T19:47:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rowanashe \* > \*\*Yeah, women are evil but I don’t date them so… > Maybe I should change it to why are people assholes! what do you think? \*\* I think that’s an excellent idea. And I hope you meet a non-asshole guy soon. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/12 "2003-01-20T19:48:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pucky Schumer \* > Yeah, go ahead and flame me for citing physical attributes (that aren’t that important to me.) Point is, everything cited about is designed to present a dishonest image. You want honesty? Get honest. Do you have your suits tailored without any shoulder pads? Tell them you don’t want a cut where the suit is angled in towards the waist to make yourself look more slim and athletic? Do you embrace horizontal stripes if you’re putting on weight? Wear any color of clothing regardless of what it makes your skin tone look like? Shave right before a date if you’re prone to getting “shadow” quickly? The point is, **many** of the things you cited are common, everyday grooming and clothing choices for women, just like the ones I cited for men. I’d tend to think that once a woman spent a year and a half with a guy, he would know exactly how big her breasts are, if she has a slightly bulging tummy or no, if she gets pimples or doesn’t have naturally rosy cheeks, if those red highlights are real. The point is, she feels like he verbally lied to her about something important, the future of their relationship and his satisfaction with it, well after he knew all this stuff - assuming **any** of what you said even applies to her, which is a hell of an assumption. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/13 "2003-01-20T21:13:15Z")
Paging **Manda JO** … Dr. **Manda JO** to the Pit please… While we’re waiting, did he tell YOU he was miserable or did you have to hear it through the grapevine? 'Cuz that’s really gutless. Be glad you’re rid of him and he’s your friend’s problem now. Is she still your friend after this? Hey, you’re in Baltimore too. If you need help getting back at him, I humbly offer my services! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rowanashe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/edb3f5/32.png) [@rowanashe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowanashe)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/14 "2003-01-20T21:43:33Z")
Well pucky, the only one that applies to me is make-up only on a dress up basis. Not sure if that changes anything… Hmmm I’m feeling a bit vindicated =). I’m not a money-grubbing trashy bitchy whore, Yah! No she’s not my friend anymore. I called her before I found out about them. We talked for an hour about how much I cared about him and how I hoped he would miss me and we would do a long distance relationship. She listened and never told me that they were dating. HATE the bitch!!! He and I tried to be friends but he was still telling me that he cared about me and missed me meanwhile he’s engaged to her and doesn’t tell me. And, yes this is after he said he was miserable the whole time he was with me. mike, he’s in Hawaii and I’m here. I’m not like that though. If he’s happy with her then I’m happy for them. I just wish they had been honest that way we could still be friends. All that would have required was an email saying that they were dating when it happened, not me hearing it through the grapevine. Of course I’m not condeming all guys! Just the ones I date, apparently I have bad taste. So this really could be a problem with me. Any suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/15 "2003-01-20T21:49:51Z")
Just the men you date? well hmmmm… what’s the common denominator? YOU. With all do respect, you sound like a victim. You really think that the men you date have ALL wronged you and you have done NOTHING to support or cause their behavior? Perhaps your idea of what happening is not how they see it? Perhaps you read things into what they are telling you… hmmmmm and according to your story… don’t envy her. who would want a dishonest wishy washy guy like that? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/16 "2003-01-20T21:58:47Z")
Wow, can we say “asshole magnet”, boys and girls? _Engaged_ and telling you how he misses you and how much he cares? **En-fucking-gaged**? Jesus fucking Christ, what a tool. Oh, and **Pucky** , wearing make-up, or shoulder pads, or a wonderbra, or stuffing your crotch, is NOT on the same level as telling someone you love them when you’re involved with someone else. That is reprehensible behavior from either sex. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/17 "2003-01-20T22:24:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by av8rmike \* > \*\*Paging **Manda JO** … Dr. **Manda JO** to the Pit please… \*\* Did I miss something? Manda JO isn’t in this thread? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/18 "2003-01-20T22:52:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by av8rmike \* > \*\*Hey, you’re in Baltimore too. If you need help getting back at him, I humbly offer my services! 😃 \*\* Hey, i was going to offer my services too (non-violent, of course), until i read the following: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by rowanashe_ > **he’s in Hawaii and I’m here** Well, the fates have got back at him for you. I mean, he’s stuck in crappy ol’ Hawaii, while you’re living it up here in beautiful Charm City. What more could ask for? 😃 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by mith_ > \*\*Just the men you date? > > well hmmmm… what’s the common denominator? > > YOU. > > With all do respect, you sound like a victim. You really think that the men you date have ALL wronged you and you have done NOTHING to support or cause their behavior? > Perhaps your idea of what happening is not how they see it? Perhaps you read things into what they are telling you… > > hmmmmm\*\* Yeah, pal, nice display of sympathy and concern. While i agree that the failure of a relationship can generally be at least partly attributed to each person, there **are** cases where one party is more grievously in error than the other. If **rowanashe** and her boyfriend were having problems, chances are that she may have been partly to blame for a break-up. But contributing towards the growing friction in a relationship is NOT the same as being lied to in the way described by the OP. Break-ups happen, but the sort of shifty, sneaking, lying behavior in evidence here is inexcusable. If **rowanashe** was doing something (or not doing something) that made the boyfriend want to break up with her, he should have had the guts to do it as soon as he knew he was no longer interested. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/19 "2003-01-20T22:52:35Z")
**Meatros** , **Manda JO** is the unofficial relationship expert on the Dope. Or maybe it’s official. Anyway, she gives good advice. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825/20 "2003-01-20T23:03:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\ ***Meatros** , **Manda JO** is the unofficial relationship expert on the Dope. Or maybe it’s official. Anyway, she gives good advice. \*\* Ah thank you! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-wrong-with-guys/149825.md?page=2)