# What is your deepest regret? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2014, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877 "2014-08-19T05:16:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![7e42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/51bf81/32.png) [@7e42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7e42)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/61 "2014-08-22T03:52:41Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > I don’t think there’s anything bad about married life per se. I just had a very bad marriage. It left me with some physical damage that I can’t undo. I’ve also been made sharply aware of my shortcomings, some of which are deal-breakers for any reasonable guy and that aren’t fixable. Although self-knowledge is generally a good thing to have, I was much happier when I was blind to faults that were quite obvious to my ex, and probably to everyone else I’d ever been involved with. > > I’m also very sorry I spent the last of my dateable years with him. It’s been almost four years, and I have yet to have as much as a second date with anyone. I think I’m going to be alone from now on. I can’t say I’m thrilled with that, but I’m making my peace with it. A permanent FWB is the best way to go, I know a guy that has that setup. He sees her every sunday ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/62 "2014-08-22T03:56:26Z")
> [@7e42](#): > > A permanent FWB is the best way to go, I know a guy that has that setup. He sees her every sunday I don’t think that would work for me, but more power to your friend, if it works for him. In any case–enough with the hijack. Back to the main topic of the thread! ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/63 "2014-08-22T04:27:49Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > I don’t think there’s anything bad about married life per se. I just had a very bad marriage. It left me with some physical damage that I can’t undo. I’ve also been made sharply aware of my shortcomings, some of which are deal-breakers for any reasonable guy and that aren’t fixable. Although self-knowledge is generally a good thing to have, I was much happier when I was blind to faults that were quite obvious to my ex, and probably to everyone else I’d ever been involved with. > > I’m also very sorry I spent the last of my dateable years with him. It’s been almost four years, and I have yet to have as much as a second date with anyone. I think I’m going to be alone from now on. I can’t say I’m thrilled with that, but I’m making my peace with it. ``` That bothers me to hear you say that, why do you feel that way? You may be surprised. Don't give up on love, you never know when it might come knocking. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Lemmytheseal2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lemmytheseal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemmytheseal2)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/64 "2014-08-22T04:41:07Z")
Most of mine stem from not understanding that I was becoming depressed, albeit mildly, but chronically! It became my new normal, and is probably the reason why I never understood that I ought to behave in a way that would be socially acceptable. In other words: 1. I could never seem to be positive. I couldn’t do anything the right way, I could never own up to enjoying much of anything, I was needlessly contrarian, I ignored my own capacity for empathy because I thought I was edgy or something… All this stops being cute in one’s teens. 2. I regret taking so long to decide that it was OK to be heterosexual. When I finally realized that I wasn’t going to be an icy-cool asexual who’s above all that mushy stuff, it fed into my depression, and that leads me to #3… 3. I regret pursuing (relentlessly, for over a year in some cases) relationships with people I actually didn’t even like that much, and who obviously didn’t want to date me. I just wanted to hurt myself, it seems. It was not only painful, it was (and is) embarrassing, and in the back of my mind I always knew that there were indeed potential romantic partners right in front of me! 4. When my depression got very serious and dark in my last two years of high school, and my parents finally asked if I needed help, I regret not taking them up on it. They should have asked again, frankly. 5. I regret going to college with most of my problems unresolved. I regret deciding that the problem was my university, rather than me, and I am shocked and appalled at my parents for letting me walk away from a partial scholarship. I’m ashamed, almost fourteen years later, that I thought it was worth asking for that, but damn, was I depressed. 6. I regret getting involved with a rather unpleasant romantic partner shortly after coming home. I can deal with an ugly learning experience, but it also dictated where I subsequently finished my undergraduate education. That was a nightmare. 7. I regret not going to graduate school sooner, though I would have less money in the bank when I did so. Fewer years in my unhealthy “tunnel” of existence post-university would have put me in a better position to make the most of graduate school, though _ **I do not regret** _ going, even though I have had an MA for three years with little else to show for it. My life didn’t even start to get better until I moved out to pursue my MA, and it’s been worth it in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![VanillaGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f9ae1b/32.png) [@VanillaGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VanillaGorilla)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/65 "2014-08-22T07:06:52Z")
I regret giving up on myself, and spending like 10 years of my life drinking beer, playing computer games, and alienating my friends. I just couldn’t see why anyone would want to hang out with me, or that anyone would be interested in me romantically. Things are looking better now though, and hopefully I am taking the right steps right now to win back some of my lost friendships. Oh, and also girlfriend and new house, so yay. ---
**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/66 "2014-08-22T14:50:47Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > So, look at your actions, not at the outcome. If you made the best choice you could with the information you had available, then there’s nothing to regret. . This is worthwhile advice but it’s difficult to accept. In my situation I made the best choice with the information and emotional/mental horsepower I had available. My regret is that I didn’t realize that I was messed up and needed help until I was in my late 40s. On paper my family is a model - some doctors, a lawyer and a variety of other successful folk - but there is something wrong in our DNA. Anyway, my best choices were really bad choices (if they were choices at all as opposed to autopilot, emotionally reactive decisions and actions). So I was, unwittingly, nasty to a lot of people, probably left some girlfriends and other potential girlfriends mystified. Despite all that, I actually didn’t do too badly, but I live in a marriage to a wonderful woman but the marriage has some damage that I caused in its first few years and there’s other debris in other parts of my life. When I was in my late 40s I realized that there was something really, really wrong with me. And my parents, as the software programmers, did a really bad job. I got two years of anger management counselling (I was never physical) with a brilliant and wonderful counsellor. I often (and shouldn’t) look back at what should have been the best years of my life and how messed up they were and how there are remnants of the damage lying around as reminders. And VanillaGorilla, I too had elements of alienating my friends. And the “I just couldn’t see why anyone would want to hang out with me, or that anyone would be interested in me romantically.” nails certain aspects of my experience. ---
**Author:** ![X.L.Lent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a5b964/32.png) [@X.L.Lent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X.L.Lent)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/67 "2014-08-23T05:31:55Z")
Failing engineering. Twice. Listening to a few of my teachers in college - one who suggested that it would not be a good idea to try to major in computer science and a couple others who recommended that I study commercial art. I never asked my grandfather about his immigrant parents before he passed away. I have no idea why my family came to America. I sometimes really regret having lived my life alone. What would have happened if I gotten into a relationship? Or married? What have I missed? Other times I look at the pain and suffering that others have had with their girlfriends/wives and am glad that I never had to put up with that. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877/68 "2014-08-23T09:06:06Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I have one horrible regret that simply stays with me and those it hurt. I think of it every day. And I should. > > But of those I’ll mention, I regret not having gotten closer to my brother before he died. I was truly my (evil) mother’s minion growing up, so totally bought into her BS that he was an awful, useless person. Sadly, this was completely untrue, and I only realized that shortly before he was gone. We had some good times together, but not nearly enough. I still talk about him in therapy, trying to get my head around why I was so stupid. I should’ve been there for him more as he battled the end. > > On a less serious note (and one I’ve mentioned before here in the past), I regret not losing my virginity sooner. I’d had my fair share of opportunities, but held out due to misguided religious beliefs. Not only did I miss out on some much needed growing up via relationships, but all that produced some ridiculous sexual hangups that took a long frigging time to eradicate. > > And finally, I really regret that I don’t have children. Of course, I’m the one who decided, but that was beyond necessary, as there was no way in hell I was going to pass on any possible mental illness, nor subject them to my toxic mother. It will always hurt, but it was the right thing to do. **faithfool** it sounds like you’ve been holding up that filled-to-the-brim glass of guilt for a very long time. Could you set it down? Who knows what you could do with the freed energy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-deepest-regret/695877.md?page=3)