# What is your favorite inspiring or funny quote? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 9, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204 "2009-06-09T13:45:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leea0525](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@Leea0525](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leea0525)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/1 "2009-06-09T13:45:10Z")
I am always looking for good quotes to keep people entertained at work. Please share with me a quote or two that you find to be uplifting or just plain funny…thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/2 "2009-06-09T14:35:51Z")
I’m not sure this is something you can throw out in conversation, but I’ve used it as a sig line off and on: “Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.” --Cicero (In general, I think Cicero was a tool, but … he could write.) ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/3 "2009-06-09T14:40:57Z")
Why do you laugh? Change the name and the story is told of you. Always loved this quote. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/4 "2009-06-09T15:11:46Z")
I recently heard one of David Carradine’s “10 rules to live by”: “Don’t ever buy anything from a guy who’s out of breath.” ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/5 "2009-06-09T15:48:13Z")
“A typical accident. He was polishing a gun from his collection, which he didn’t know was loaded, and pulled the trigger by mistake. The bullet entered his skull causing a severe headache which he attempted to alleviate by taking a bottle of sleeping pills. When this didn’t work, he went to the window to call for help. The window was stuck so he attempted to pry it open with a switchblade knife. It flew open suddenly causing him to lose his balance. He tried to keep from falling out by tying the drape around his neck but it gave way… he fell to the street and stabbed himself in the back with the knife he was holding. We see this kind of accident every day in our line of work, miss.” ~ A Mad Look At Old Movies - “The Case Of The Murderer Who Killed” ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/6 "2009-06-09T16:13:18Z")
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by not dying.” - Woody Allen ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/7 "2009-06-09T16:27:09Z")
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex. - Jack Handey ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/8 "2009-06-09T18:31:24Z")
“Never allow children to mix drinks. It’s unseemly, and they use too much vermouth.” – Fran Lebowitz ---
**Author:** ![Southern\_Yankee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/southern_yankee/32/2800_2.png) [@Southern\_Yankee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southern_Yankee)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/9 "2009-06-09T18:45:14Z")
“I always think, there might be someone out there in the stands who’s never seen me play.” - Joe DiMaggio, later in his career, when asked by a reporter why he hustled so hard turning a single into a double in a game when the pennant had already been decided. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/10 "2009-06-09T18:47:42Z")
Shoot for the stars and hit the mud, shoot for the mud and make it. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/11 "2009-06-09T18:48:36Z")
My personal favorite quote comes from the great Willy Wonka. “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/12 "2009-06-09T18:52:58Z")
A friend of mine shared with me, when I was getting stressed about work: “don’t take it too seriously. If it was really important they wouldn’t have put you in charge of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/13 "2009-06-09T20:30:45Z")
To be thought half as good as a man a woman must work twice as hard. Fortuneately this is not difficult. or Of course I don’t look as busy as the men! I did it right the first time. or Science has discovered something that can do the work of one hundred men…fifty women! ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/14 "2009-06-09T20:42:34Z")
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What’s up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don’t think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! _Terry Pratchett_ Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. _Terry Pratchett_ ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/15 "2009-06-09T20:43:20Z")
“A tangerine is an orange that didn’t want it bad enough. Don’t be a tangerine.” Came across this one while looking for a back of shirt quote for the cross country team I help coach. ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/16 "2009-06-09T20:49:48Z")
I’m not rude; you’re just insignificant. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/17 "2009-06-09T21:27:33Z")
Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/18 "2009-06-09T21:30:35Z")
Post-9/11 graffiti: “Dear God, save us from the people who believe in you.” and Bette Davis, in _The Corn is Green_: “That man is so stupid, he wears it like a halo.” ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/19 "2009-06-09T21:40:08Z")
Betty White in Lake Placid to the local sheriff: “This is the part where if I had a dick I’d tell you to suck it!” ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204/20 "2009-06-09T22:13:43Z")
My current favorite for motivation: “You’re never ‘ready;’ it’s just your turn.” Ty Murray My perennial favorite for de-motivation: “Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” Matt Groening. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-inspiring-or-funny-quote/499204.md?page=2)