# What is your favorite insult? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 13, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916 "2001-01-13T22:52:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![xeqter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ba8739/32.png) [@xeqter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xeqter)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/1 "2001-01-13T22:52:40Z")
I think Shakespear wrote the best ones. Things like “you lisp, and wear strange suits” or “I bid you draw near more to marvel at you than to hear you.” ---
**Author:** ![Danimal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Danimal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danimal)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/2 "2001-01-13T23:05:46Z")
I think this is more an IMHO thread than MPSIMS, but . . . The classic insult of all time is, “Your mother was a HAMSTER, and your father smelt of ELDERBERRIES!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/3 "2001-01-13T23:14:27Z")
I called someone a pigf\*$@ing bastard terrorist once… hehe… I still like that one… ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/4 "2001-01-14T00:18:02Z")
Yep, this is more of an IMHO thread. Gonna shoo it on over. TVeblen, Moderator, IMHO ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/5 "2001-01-14T01:15:53Z")
“If I had a dog that looked like you, I’d shave his ass and train him to walk backwards.” ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/6 "2001-01-14T01:21:41Z")
Did you get into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking? Who hit you with the ugly stick? ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Rhosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sir\_Rhosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Rhosis)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/7 "2001-01-14T01:42:56Z")
Oxygen thief – as in, “By the very fact of being alive and breathing, you’re stealing air from people who deserve it more.” Sir ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/8 "2001-01-14T02:33:26Z")
“It is my conjecture that your mother was no stranger to the embraces of barnyard and domestic animals” “Your genitals resemble moldy spinach” ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/9 "2001-01-14T02:38:09Z")
filthy bags of mostly water talking monkeys ---
**Author:** ![blur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dbc845/32.png) [@blur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blur)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/10 "2001-01-14T03:12:26Z")
My favorite insult has to be “Mother f_ck_r… Food eater” Its stolen from the movie River’s Edge, and even if it makes no sense to the person I’m insulting, it makes me feel better! ---
**Author:** ![Danimal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Danimal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danimal)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/11 "2001-01-14T04:42:19Z")
Three of my favorite insults were comebacks. CLAIRE BOOTH LUCE (holding the door for Dorothy Parker): Age before beauty. DOROTHY PARKER: Pearls before swine. * * * EARL OF SANDWICH: 'Pon my honor, Wilkes, I know not whether you will die on the gallows, or of a pox! JOHN WILKES: That, sir, depends upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress. [This exchange has also been attributed to Disraeli and Gladstone; I doubt that those two uptight Victorians would have abused each other in such earthy terms, but John Wilkes was just infuriating enough to provoke such an insult, and just irrepressible enough to make such an outrageous reply]. * * * LADY ASTOR: Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee! WINSTON CHURCHILL: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. * * * You mentioned Shakespearean insults; one of my favorites is: “Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which in all tongues are called fools.” ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/12 "2001-01-14T04:47:15Z")
“Your mother must be so proud” ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/13 "2001-01-14T08:29:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xeqter \* > \*\*I think Shakespear wrote the best ones. Things like “you lisp, and wear strange suits” or “I bid you draw near more to marvel at you than to hear you.” \*\* I don’t know about “the best”, but he did write some good ones (some of which I’ve incorporated in various posts of mine). One of my favorites: “Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?” –Henry IV, Part 1, Act 2, Scene iv > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Danimal \* > \*\*You mentioned Shakespearean insults; one of my favorites is: > “Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which in all tongues are called fools.” \*\* I really like that one. Also: “Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as earwax” –Troilus and Cressida, Act 5, Scene i ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/14 "2001-01-14T12:36:10Z")
Sperm burping gutter gash. ---
**Author:** ![Ballacraine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Ballacraine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ballacraine)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/15 "2001-01-14T12:45:28Z")
Translation from arabic: May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest your armpits. Another Lady Astor Winston Churchill exchange: ‘Winston,…You’re drunk!!!’ ‘And you,Madam, are ugly…But I shall be sober in the morning!!!’ ---
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/16 "2001-01-16T11:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brunetter \* > \*\* talking monkeys \*\* Have I told you today that I love you? … if not, consider yourself told !!! (for the rest of you, when you find a woman that can quote your favorite movies at the drop of a hat and gets all your Monty Python references, marry her … I know I did) ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/17 "2001-01-16T14:17:47Z")
Cum sucking road whore. All of the rest of my favorites are affectionate terms. ---
**Author:** ![Tzar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@Tzar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzar)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/18 "2001-01-16T14:33:47Z")
You are a total, total… a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that. (Woohoo, 5 posts) ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/19 "2001-01-16T14:56:40Z")
A friend once shouted “Suck my back!”. Cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![katie1341](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/91b2a8/32.png) [@katie1341](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katie1341)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916/20 "2001-01-16T18:41:20Z")
My hubby and I were arguing about something once and I was trying to get him to realize that it wasn’t what he had done that was the problem, but the state of mind that led him to commit the act. I wound up calling him a “selfish inconsiderate dickhead”, which cracked both of us up and we forgot about the argument. So, on the rare occasions that we argue, if it’s starting to get out of hand, one of us calls the other a selfish inconsiderate dickhead and we are both so amused by it that we stop arguing. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-insult/49916.md?page=2)