# What is your favorite Magic 8-Ball Message/Story? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 1, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927 "2002-08-01T21:50:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/1 "2002-08-01T21:50:08Z")
Inspired by [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=128454), what is your favorite magic eight ball message? A list of “standard” Magic 8-Ball responses can be found [here](http://8ball.ofb.net/answers.html). They are: > [@](#): > > Signs point to yes. Yes. Reply hazy, try again. Without a doubt. My sources say no. As I see it, yes. You may rely on it. Concentrate and ask again. Outlook not so good. It is decidedly so. Better not tell you now. Very doubtful. Yes - definitely. It is certain. Cannot predict now. Most likely. Ask again later. My reply is no. Outlook good. Don’t count on it. Apparently, 50% of the responses are “Yes” or positive, 25% are negative, and 25% are vague. My favorite answer is “It is decidedly so.” It just seems kind of pretentious, and it tickles my funny bone. On the other hand - how many people still have a Magic 8-Ball? Is it still something that people buy, or do they just have old ones lying around? ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/2 "2002-08-01T21:54:37Z")
Forgot the second part - the Magic 8-Ball story. A guy I know (just an acquaintance really) was going through a time when he had to make a lot of choices, and he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. He was going into his first year of college, and he has three choices of what program to go into. He didn’t really have a preference, because he didn’t know what he wanted to do. So, “logically”, he consulted his trusty Magic 8-Ball. He ended up going into a business program and became an accountant. His other choices were engineering and mathematics. This really had a huge impact on his life. I don’t know if I could throw a decision into the hands of fate likely that. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/3 "2002-08-01T22:01:00Z")
It’s not my personal story, but I was watching Scrubs the other day, and one of the characters haid the following to say: “Man, I don’t trust those things. One time when I was a kid, I asked mine if I should crack it open and drink the fluid inside. I puked blue for three days!” Now THAT’s humor. ---
**Author:** ![Pencepon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac8455/32.png) [@Pencepon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pencepon)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/4 "2002-08-01T22:39:42Z")
Five years ago I worked for a company that was in Chapter 11 and was up for sale. The initial bankruptcy layoffs and the subsequent uncertainty about the future of the company caused half of the employees to leave. However, because it was a publishing company whose income came from direct mail sales, we _had_ to produce the same amount of work in the same schedule with half the number of people to do it. Delay in the mailing schedule meant delay in the income. I was manager of the production department, and what we produced was both the product (books) and the marketing of the products (sales brochures and catalogs). It was a miserable job and got worse every day. I also had a miserable person for a boss. One of my friends had a Magic 8-Ball in her office, and it got so bad that _every day_ I was asking the Magic 8-Ball if I should quit my job. In spite of the fact that the answers are weighted toward the positive, I never got a positive answer! Never! It was downright weird. When the company was sold and the bankruptcy procedure ended I came away with some substantial bonuses for staying through the end, and contracts for freelance work from the new company. So the Magic 8-Ball gave me good advice. I have one of my own now, and it makes me very popular at work, because people stop by my office all the time to ask my Magic 8-Ball. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/5 "2002-08-01T23:04:35Z")
I always believed that the only way to get a good answer out of a magic 8-ball was to use one that you just happened across; on someone’s desk, in a store, that kind of thing. So I had a habit of asking for divination in the aisles of Wal-mart. Anyway, I always asked about love. Would I ever find someone? Would the date I had next week turn into love? That sorta sappy thing. Well, I started seeing this guy a while ago, no 8-ball involved. He seemed wonderful, funny, smart, handsome, considerate. And one night, early on in our relationship, wandering through a toy section, I asked the Magic 8-ball if he was the guy I’d been looking for. “Without a doubt.” It’s been ten months so far, and he’s the most amazing guy on the planet. I’ve never been happier. And I haven’t asked the 8-ball anything since. ---
**Author:** ![DougAB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@DougAB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougAB)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/6 "2002-08-02T14:01:55Z")
I like “Better Not Tell You Now.” It shows me my magic 8 ball cares, and is looking at for me. We’re best pals till the end. The end being when I dropped it, it cracked, and it spilled all over the place. I tried to have reconstructive surgery done, but…outlook not so good. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/7 "2002-08-02T14:43:11Z")
Does anybody remember the Magic 8-Ball web site? Among other things, it logged the questions people asked and the answers they received. My favorite question: > [@](#): > > WILL MY WIFE LET ME HAVE ANEAL [sic] SEX WITH HER AGAIN TONIGHT AND WILL SHE LIKE IT THIS TIME??? The author submitted this about twenty times before he finally received an answer he liked. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/8 "2002-08-03T10:02:08Z")
I bought my roommate a Magic-8 Ball as a goodbye present at the end of the past spring semester. She loved it, although that thing nearly caused several fights between us because she would ask it questions like this: Roommate: Does Nocturne screw goats?..“It is decidedly so!” Hahahaha! Finally one day while she was shaking it, I yelled “Is (my roommate) going to receive a punch to the jaw soon?!” The answer came back as “definitely.” She didn’t bother me again. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/9 "2002-08-03T22:36:56Z")
Few months ago, I was talking to **el broccoli!** on the phone. We were going back and forth about if I should move to FL or not. (He was pro, I was con.) He had a trusty Magic 8 Ball, and he said “Hey! I’ll ask the Magic 8 Ball what it thinks!” So he broke out his Magic 8 Ball and asked: “Magic 8 Ball, should Rasa move to Florida?” He shook the Magic 8 Ball. “Signs point to yes.” I made him ask the Magic 8 Ball if _he_ should move to RI, so he asked “Magic 8 Ball, should I move to RI?” “Outlook not so good.” Of course, this was proof enough for him that I should move there, but being a student of Science, I made him repeat the experiment. He asked the Magic 8 Ball at least four or five times, both questions, and the answer was the same, _every time_. He got scared and put the Magic 8 Ball in the other room under the couch cushion. And that, my friends, is my very own Magic 8 Ball story. [sub](For the curious, neither of us moved.)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kalashnikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kalashnikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalashnikov)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-favorite-magic-8-ball-message-story/121927/10 "2002-08-03T23:24:55Z")
I don’t have a real Magic 8 ball, but I do have a promotional copy (except its red) from the computer vendor CDW. The sayings are: “I can’t test everything” “Did you hit the correct key?” “Contact CDW 24/7 tech support” “it’s not a bug it’s a feature” “CDW has your computing solution” “please submit a formal request” “someone changed my code” “your CDW account manager can help” “it’s not supposed to do that” “program works - must be user error” “its just an isolated incident” “its a beta - what did you expect” “log on to [www.cdw.com](http://www.cdw.com)” “plug it in” “it works on my machine” “it worked yesterday” Acually the original Magic 8 ball says one insightful thing about computers: “Outlook not so good”. 🙂