# What is your major malfunction? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2006, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069 "2006-01-22T04:54:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/1 "2006-01-22T04:54:48Z")
I’m just curious. Mine is that I start a thread like this and never respond again. I am somewhat shy but it is almost a phobia for me. Yes, this is a test to see if I will respond to anybody on Sunday. Share your phobias or just help me be at ease. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/2 "2006-01-22T05:04:16Z")
My fear is that the monster under my bed wil stop responding to treats of bourboned cherries and will start teasing the cats again. But then, it’s still Saturday night to me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/3 "2006-01-22T05:11:16Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > My fear is that the monster under my bed wil stop responding to treats of bourboned cherries and will start teasing the cats again. > > But then, it’s still Saturday night to me. 😃 I feed the monsters under my bed cookies. They usually keep it down to a low growl. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/4 "2006-01-22T05:15:31Z")
That’s why we have a platform bed, no room for monsters. I only need to worry about Anxieties in the Closet. My major Malfunction is probably being too talkative. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/5 "2006-01-22T05:20:28Z")
I don’t like sleeping with the door of my bedroom shut. If the door is also the only door to my hotel room, than I can live with it shut. But if I’m in a house that is otherwise locked, I have to have my bedroom door open. If there is a fire, I’m not getting trapped in my room. This creates problems for our roommate when it’s time for snuggles with the husband. I believe the roommate has purchased the world’s finest ear plugs. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/6 "2006-01-22T05:23:25Z")
If I am alone in the house, I have to check that all five outside doors are locked. If Mr. SCL is home, that check is not made. I guess I think he’ll protect me if the monsters come in. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/7 "2006-01-22T05:29:36Z")
-I have avoidence issues. If I take a test and think I did badly on it, chances are I’ll wait a week before looking at the grade. That’s the tip of the iceberg. -I have a very small social circle because I’m practically incapable of starting conversations with total strangers unless it’s business, and I’m told I get very tense when around people I don’t know(on the other hand, I’ll talk about terrorism on airplanes when talking to someone I do know well).Everyone who has become my friend has started talking to me first. Since very few people do that, I have very few friends. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/8 "2006-01-22T05:32:49Z")
Oh, and I have an irrational fear about my car being stolen. Even on 9/11, that still trumped terrorists as the bigger fear. Some would call that a major malfunction(but then again, I find it very unlikely that terrorists would try to drop a plane on my head in particular). ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/9 "2006-01-22T05:34:42Z")
[QUOTE=HPLEveryone who has become my friend has started talking to me first. Since very few people do that, I have very few friends.[/QUOTE] Hello, **HPL**. How are you this evening? Interesting weather, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/10 "2006-01-22T05:47:54Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > -I have avoidence issues. If I take a test and think I did badly on it, chances are I’ll wait a week before looking at the grade. That’s the tip of the iceberg. > > -I have a very small social circle because I’m practically incapable of starting conversations with total strangers unless it’s business, and I’m told I get very tense when around people I don’t know(on the other hand, I’ll talk about terrorism on airplanes when talking to someone I do know well).Everyone who has become my friend has started talking to me first. Since very few people do that, I have very few friends. hmmm. That may be a problem with me also. I need to think about some avoidence issues of my own. wow, now I have to think. bad beer… 🙂 coffee time. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/11 "2006-01-22T05:56:19Z")
I’m neurotic. I overthink everything. I worry too much. That is my major malfunction. The drugs help, but not enough. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/12 "2006-01-22T06:49:44Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Hello, **HPL**. How are you this evening? Interesting weather, isn’t it? I’m okay. Though I think I need to build a boat if it keeps raining around here. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/13 "2006-01-22T07:13:04Z")
I have no major malfunctions. Instead I have a variety of minor ones. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/14 "2006-01-22T07:22:09Z")
I always used agoraphobia as a quick and dirty reference to my intense fear of going out and meeting people, but that is inaccurate. It’s closer to sociophobia. Agoraphobia is a fear of open spaces, but you see, if there are no people in those open places, I don’t care. Therefore, it’s not the open spaces I’m afraid of. It’s the people. Oh, and I’m afraid of thunderstorms and balloons, as well. ---
**Author:** ![some\_white\_dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b487fb/32.png) [@some\_white\_dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/some_white_dude)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/15 "2006-01-22T09:19:03Z")
I skip my classes way too often. It almost got me kicked out of school last semester. Yikes. I also worry way too much about Spaniards hitting on my girlfriend while she’s overseas. Damn hypothetical Spaniards (band name!). ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/16 "2006-01-22T14:02:05Z")
I have a really serious dental phobia. Now that I’m middle-aged, I’m paying for years of totally not going to the dentist because of it – I just had my third root canal. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/17 "2006-01-22T14:16:38Z")
Unprotected heights. _\_ I don’t mind flying - I was a pilot when I was younger and had disposable income. I don’t mind towers or tall buildings as long as I’ve got strong glass or railings between me and the edge. But climbing a ladder to the roof of my house - no thanks. In fact, I had to climb a ladder to paint the 10’ walls in our last house, and it was nerve-wracking. My last job required me to occasionally walk out on the wings of aircraft in a hangar - beyond nerve-wracking. And farther back, when I was an avionics technician in the Navy, and I was assigned to replace the ADF antenna on the top of an S-3 - I had to climb on the aircraft, walk from the tail to between the wings, and remove and replace the antenna, which was under a skin panel. This would be at night, (I worked the midnight shift) outside, wearing steel-toed shoes which were longer than my normal shoes. A most stressful assignment. But I had to suck it up and do it or risk the wrath of the chief and much ridicule from my shopmates. It didn’t make me any less scared, and I must say, I felt a real sense of accomplishment when I was done. And relief. But anyway, unprotected heights. So, no, I don’t want to go rock climbing. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/18 "2006-01-22T14:39:43Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > …snip… > My last job required me to occasionally walk out on the wings of aircraft in a hangar - beyond nerve-wracking. And farther back, when I was an avionics technician in the Navy, …snip… I now have to ask my standard question; when were you in, which Air Craft Carriers were you on? I was Sep85 to Jan89 on USS Ranger, CV61. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/19 "2006-01-22T14:55:08Z")
An unquenchable desire to blow away [R. Lee Ermey](http://www.rleeermey.com)? Naa, probably an ADD/depressive mental cocktail which is slowly coming under control after decades of underachieving lonerhood. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2006, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069/20 "2006-01-22T15:16:34Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > My major Malfunction is probably being too talkative. Me, too. Quadrupled when I’m nervous or happy. And if I’m not at work, I generally don’t think before speaking. I’m trying to work on it, but, oh, it’s hard! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-major-malfunction/341069.md?page=2)