# What is your take on the following conspiracies? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466 "2005-08-24T18:43:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/1 "2005-08-24T18:43:22Z")
I was reading “The Big Book of Conspiracies” at lunch and I wanted to see the Doper take on some of the bigger conspiracy theories. Some are really reasonable. Some are very odd. Some seem to believe that no celebrity ever dies. Below are some of the more entertaining ones and a synopsis of the “truth.” Put on your tin foil hats and give us your take!? **JFK Assassination** Synopsis: Many theories exist. Most suggest he was killed by a conspiracy. Who it involves ranges from the Mob, the Military-Industrial Complex, Communist Cuba, or Nixon. The theory also has elements of government coverups, Oswald as a patsy, Oswald as spy, and Ruby as convenient end to the whole thing. No matter what the theory, there was definitely a second shooter. Either from the grassy knoll or from a secret service agent who accidentally fired trying to save JFK from Oswald. **Marilyn Monroe** Synopsis: She didn’t commit suicide by an intentional overdose. She was murdered! Likely by the Kennedys to keep her from revealing an affair with Bobby and/or Jack. New evidence (came to light last week) suggests that she COULDN’T have been suicidal because of the things she told her therapist right before she died. **RFK** Synopsis: Bobby’s assassination, like his brother’s, was not just a lone nut trying to be the next John Wilkes Boothe. Either Sirhan Sirhan was hypnotized by the woman in the polka dot dress or he was aided by a right wing security guard. **Elvis** Synopsis: He ain’t dead. He faked his death to get away from the pressure of showbiz. He’s been spotted many times since. **Jim Morrison** Synopsis: Same as Elvis. **Moon Landing** Synopsis: We faked the moon landing to beat the Ruskies. **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** Synopsis: In order to keep the black community suppressed the man ordered the CIA to concoct a powerful and addictive drug that could be made cheaply. **CIA Invents AIDS** Synopsis: Largely the same as the above. Sometimes, it was a bio weapon that got away from them. **The Government Killed John Lennon** Synopsis: As a popular counter culture figure, the government got someone to kill Lennon. **Roswell/Area 51** Synopsis: In the 50’s, aliens crashed in Roswell, NM and were subsequently sent to Area 51. At Area 51, many theories suggest, aliens live, routinely land or the government uses technology they reverse engineered from the crashed UFO. **UFOs** Synopsis: Even if it wasn’t at Roswell, UFOs are constantly making contact with the Earth. **Illuminati** Synopsis: There is a secret society that puts up puppet governments, yet really rules every aspect of the world. The truth is out there! ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/2 "2005-08-24T18:55:07Z")
Answering my own questions… **JFK Assassination** MY TAKE: Although there are many oddities surrounding this, it WAS an odd time. The older I get, the more I think Oswald acted alone. Stone’s film, which I enjoy, was intellectually dishonest and muddies the waters with “What Ifs” and not facts as do most JFK theories. I leave open the possibility that there was some sort of conspiracy, but likely an after the fact coverup. **Marilyn Monroe** MY TAKE: You can’t take the new evidence to mean anything. Crazy people say inconsistent things. I think she crumbled to the pressures of fame and affairs and chunked it all. **RFK** MY TAKE: I think a lone nut killed him and the people who wanted him dead got lucky. **Elvis** MY TAKE: Elvis left the building. If you fake your death, you don’t fake it on the toilet! The people who looked like him? Apparently, there are a lot of people who impersonate Elvis! And even if he faked his death, he’d be dead by now. **Jim Morrison** MY TAKE: He broke on through to the other side. **Moon Landing** MY TAKE: We went to the Moon. **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** MY TAKE: The CIA has done a lot to distrust, but I don’t think the CIA wants to introduce harmful drugs to its own citizenry. Now they may have SOLD drugs to finance their operations, but I don’t think they invent them or try to specifically harm minorities. **CIA Invents AIDS** MY TAKE: The blame the CIA game goes way to far! **The Government Killed John Lennon** MY TAKE: If they were going to kill him to shut him up, they were about 15 years late… **Roswell/Area 51** MY TAKE: I think it was a top secret weather balloon that landed in Roswell (the official story). I think Area 51 is where they design and test top secret weapons. I don’t think either have anything to do with aliens. **UFOs** MY TAKE: I think intelligent life exists in the Universe. I just think it is so far away that we will NEVER encounter it. **Illuminati** MY TAKE: I think the groups that run the world (oil, defense, industry) are out in the open. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/3 "2005-08-24T19:05:41Z")
JFK Assassination Might be something there. Oswald was likely the lone gunman but he was a strange guy with strange dealings and could have been directed by someone else. The fact that Jack Ruby killed Oswald is very odd indeed. Ruby himself died early in prison. Marilyn Monroe I can easily believe that she was having an affair with one or both Kennedys. That makes it possible for her to get pregnant and be killed. Odd but nothing certain. RFK Sirhan Sirhan killed him working alone. Elvis Ridiculous. Fat and drug riddled, he blew out his heart on the toilet. Jim Morrison Similar to above. Moon Landing Not worth talking about. CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities This one is false but the CIA has been involved in some shady, drug-linked activities several times in the past. CIA Invents AIDS Not worth talking about. The Government Killed John Lennon False Roswell/Area 51 Both were once the location of top-secret but comparatively mundane military testing. UFOs There may be UFO’s but they are not doing a good job of making themselves known. Truly intelligent beings would soon realize that trailer parks are not our command centers. Illuminati Greatly overestimates the competence and secrecy of powerful people. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/4 "2005-08-24T19:10:08Z")
Too many to go thru all of them, but I know for a fact that Elvis faked his own death in 1977. He really died fighting a mummy in Texas with JFK, who also faked his own death, is now black, and had part of his brain replaced with sand. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/5 "2005-08-24T20:05:54Z")
I like the theory that Andy Kaufman faked his own death, then rebuilt his comic chops and reinvented himself as Jim Carrey. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/6 "2005-08-24T21:32:18Z")
> [@middleman](#): > > **Moon Landing** > MY TAKE: We went to the Moon. Oh, we went to the Moon, all right. The reason we haven’t been back there is because the aliens contacted NASA and told them to get the hell out of there and not come back! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/7 "2005-08-24T21:40:28Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Oh, we went to the Moon, all right. The reason we haven’t been back there is because the aliens contacted NASA and told them to get the hell out of there and not come back! No, no, no. The reason we haven’t been back is because we apparently parked in a metered spot and the aliens sent NASA a summons to court several light years away. Naturally, we couldn’t make the court date, and the resulting fine was, well, astronomical. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/8 "2005-08-24T21:51:43Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Oh, we went to the Moon, all right. The reason we haven’t been back there is because the aliens contacted NASA and told them to get the hell out of there and not come back! I didn’t see the need to include this one. But for completion sake, don’t forget that we haven’t “been back” because we never left! NASA kidnapped many leading scientists in the 70’s and drafted them to build a base on the moon because the world is about to become unliveable. ---
**Author:** ![jimmmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@jimmmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimmmy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/9 "2005-08-24T22:28:34Z")
**Marilyn Monroe** My Take: Marilyn Accidentally overdosed(1). Her housekeeper discovered this about midnight and called her Doctor - either her personal Physician or her Psychiatrist probably the former). This Doctor had negligently prescribed drugs w/o consultation (or perhaps Marilyn didn’t tell him she was seeing the other Doctor).(2) Whatever, he had prescribed the barbiturates that killed '62’s Jessica Simpson/Jlo/Lindsay Lohan rolled into one. He cleaned the scene and may have made some calls. About 4:30 AM he told the House keeper to call the police.(3) A Conspiracy Theory is born. (1) She had two previous attempts and had called friends to get her to the Hospital. She was abusing prescription drugs heavily at the time of her death. (2) Her Lawyer Milton Rudin claimed that [Her Physician] said something very important the night of Marilyn’s death: " God damn it! Hy {her Psychiatrist] gave her a prescription I didn’t know about!" In any event her Doctor gave her a heavy dose of chloral hydrate the evening of her death and Marilyn had been taking Nembutal capsules throughout the day – both prescribed and - IANADr. – apparently a huge nono that killed her. (3) A cop who found her Doctor, Psychiatrist and Housekeeper there – giving the above timeline claiming 20th Century Fox PR Department wouldn’t let them announce the death ---
**Author:** ![Notorious\_Nik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Notorious\_Nik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorious_Nik)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/10 "2005-08-24T22:43:06Z")
> [@Snowboarder Bo](#): > > Too many to go thru all of them, but I know for a fact that Elvis faked his own death in 1977. He really died fighting a mummy in Texas with JFK, who also faked his own death, is now black, and had part of his brain replaced with sand. I’ve heard so much about that movie!!! What’s the name again? ---
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/11 "2005-08-24T23:06:26Z")
RFK - isn’t there some doubt whether Sirhan Sirhan got close enough to him to leave powder burns on his (RFK’s) clothing? ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2005, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/12 "2005-08-24T23:07:47Z")
> [@Notorious Nik](#): > > I’ve heard so much about that movie!!! What’s the name again? [Bubba Ho-tep](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/) ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/13 "2005-08-25T00:04:01Z")
**JFK Assassination** Apparantly, when you compile a list of who had a good deal to gain from JFK’s death, the list is so long it’s rediculous. Includes many groups who were mutual enemies (Castro/The Mafia, FBI/CIA, etc.) **Marilyn Monroe** Ninjas. **RFK** Also Ninjas. **Elvis** Elvis’s death was faked so that he could join a secret paramilitary organization that fights Ninjas. **Jim Morrison** Ninjas in league with Pirates. **Moon Landing** Secret base to help us fight the Ruskies. Later banded together with a similar (but more secret) Ruskie base to fight aliens on Mars. Now it’s where NPR broadcasts from. **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** White-Supremecist Ninjas, working with the aliens from Mars. **CIA Invents AIDS** Also Ninjas. **The Government Killed John Lennon** Gonna blame this one on El Niño. And the Ninjas. **Roswell/Area 51** Roswell/Area 51 was a big diversion launched by the aliens to distract people from the town where all the weirdos REALLY live. You ever visit Austin? **UFOs** “The best proof that intelligent life exists elsewhere is that it has not tried to contact us.” Aliens exist, but have seen enough Hollywood sci-fi movies to know not to mess with us lest the US of A whip their butts with our primitive liquid-dinosaur dependent technology. **Illuminati** Long ago infiltrated by Ninjas. Working in league with Rogue Pirates. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/14 "2005-08-25T00:06:35Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > **Illuminati** > > Long ago infiltrated by Ninjas. Working in league with Rogue Pirates. That’s real ultimate power. The fact is that the [Bavarian Illuminati](http://www.iinet.com/~erw/) are definitely real. Do you believe that? ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/15 "2005-08-25T03:04:43Z")
[QUOTE=middleman] Answering my own questions… **JFK Assassination** Killed by a lone nut **Marilyn Monroe** comitted suicide **RFK** sigh. lone nut again. **Elvis** what a sad way to go. **Jim Morrison** he dead. still gets flowers on his grave **Moon Landing** My personal litmus test for looniness. If you believe the moon landings were faked, you \*are[/a] a looney! **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** Never heard this one before. Don’t believe it **CIA Invents AIDS** The CIA invented both George Bushes. They’re robots. **The Government Killed John Lennon** sigh. nope. another lone nut **Roswell/Area 51** No UFOs there. **UFOs** If intelligent life has visited us, they haven’t made themselves known. I say we should respect their privacy. **Illuminati** Don’t believe in 'em, **but** if any of you Illuminati are reading this and you’re looking for new members, I do a _really really_ good evil laugh… ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/16 "2005-08-25T06:53:46Z")
**JFK Assassination** Synopsis: Elvis did it. **Marilyn Monroe** Synopsis: Elvis did it. **RFK** Synopsis: Elvis did it. **Elvis** Synopsis: He ain’t dead. He’s on the lam. **Jim Morrison** Synopsis: Faked his death, is now Elvis’ trusty sidekick. **Moon Landing** Synopsis: Elvis & Jim did it. **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** Synopsis: Jim actually did this one, becuase his fat buddy Elvis was slowing him down. **CIA Invents AIDS** Synopsis: Elvis did it. On a dare. **The Government Killed John Lennon** Synopsis: Faked his death, signed up with Elvis and Jim, really sick of Yoko. **Roswell/Area 51** Synopsis: Elvis, Jim, and John’s “Bat Cave.” **UFOs** Synopsis: Elvis, Jim, and John dusting hallucinogen’s in America’s water reservoirs. **Illuminati** Synopsis: The name Elvis, Jim, and John have selected for their gang. The truth is out there! Beware of Elvis! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/17 "2005-08-25T06:58:53Z")
The CIA introducing crack into black communities is the most plausible, and I say that only because I don’t know the arguments. I do know the arguments about the other ‘conspiracies,’ and I’d give them all a probability of zero. Intelligent alien life probably does exist; whether we’ll ever be able to contact it, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s ever visited. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/18 "2005-08-25T13:25:21Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The CIA introducing crack into black communities is the most plausible, and I say that only because I don’t know the arguments. I do know the arguments about the other ‘conspiracies,’ and I’d give them all a probability of zero. > > Intelligent alien life probably does exist; whether we’ll ever be able to contact it, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s ever visited. Ok. Ranked in order from most probable to least probable, with a possible defense of each: **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** - At the very least, they may not have cared what happened to minorities. **JFK Assassination** - I could see something being to this one. **Marilyn Monroe** - Wouldn’t be the first time a powerful person had some one killed. **UFOs** - I beleive they exist. Maybe they got here somehow. **Roswell/Area 51** - If they got here, we got to keep them somewhere… **CIA Invents AIDS** - It COULD be germ warfare that accidentally got of of the lab. **Illuminati** - Skull and Bones, Masons, Tri-Lateralists. Big decisions ARE made in smoke-filled rooms. **Elvis** - The DID spell his middle name wrong on the tombstone… **RFK** - Security should have been heightened given his tenure as AG and his brother’s death. **Jim Morrison** - Some of his poetry is telling… **The Government Killed John Lennon** - You don’t rage against the machine too long… **Moon Landing** - We had to beat the Rus…never mind. We landed on the moon. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/19 "2005-08-25T16:50:52Z")
The JFK Assassination conspiracy is quite plausible. Kennedy had way too many enemies who stood to gain from his death. Also, I just don’t trust Official Government Investigations[sup]TM[/sup]. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about politics, it’s that politicians don’t want to deal with unpleasant problems. If they don’t see any potential political gain, then most of our country’s glorious leaders, Dems or Pubbies, would much rather sweep the problem under the rug. This is why Official Government Investigations[sup]TM[/sup] rarely result in any significant changes. I don’t put much stock in any of the other conspiracy theories. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466/20 "2005-08-25T17:22:52Z")
**JFK Assassination** Almost certainly by Oswald acting alone, although he may have had some help. Any second gunmen were just as isolated and unimportant as he himself was. Jack Ruby was also acting alone, and did it out of a sense of self-importance and vengeance, and his early death was a mere coincidence. Still, the most plausible on this list. We know for a fact that someone murdered JFK, which is more than you can say for the moon landing. **Marilyn Monroe** Either suicide or accidental overdose. Her documented chemical dependencies and mental problems make the official version probable until any other evidence appears. **RFK** Sirhan Sirhan was alone. Unlike John, this one doesnt even have the benefit of a hidden sniper to hide behind. **Elvis** The handful of grieving fans does not a conspiracy prove. How were the coroners coerced to go along and stay quiet? **Jim Morrison** Same **Moon Landing** The number of people who would have had to participate in this coverup and then stay quiet over the years is boggling. We went to the moon. **CIA Invented Crack to Hurt Minorities** Because white people are immune to crack, or crimes comitted by crack addicts. No, the CIA may have sold drugs, but probably didn’t invent crack and almost certainly never sold it specifically for teh prupose of hurting minorities. **CIA Invents AIDS** We’ve found evidence of AIDS as far back as the 1950’s. It’s a natural disease. **The Government Killed John Lennon** His popularity had waned by the time of his death. Others were more outspoken and survived that era. No reason to doubt the official account. **Roswell/Area 51** It was a balloon to detct Soviet nuclear tests. Hence the secrecy. Area 51 was a base for secret testing, but nothing paranormal. **UFOs** Probably not. **Illuminati** Those in power try to remain in power, and sometimes engage in cronyism and nepotism. They also frequently meet at professional conferences and travel in the same social circles. Taken together, this may look like a conspiracy to outsiders, but it’s all quite open, usually legal, and not infrequently even moral! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-your-take-on-the-following-conspiracies/318466.md?page=2)