# What jobs could you train a monkey to do, yet get the highest levels of pay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 27, 2004, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852 "2004-11-27T08:51:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/21 "2004-11-28T00:16:02Z")
Or movie star. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/22 "2004-11-28T00:35:01Z")
> [@KRC](#): > > Now wait a minute, Wolf Meister, do you really think it would help our world image if we had a president who flung his poo at people? Well, he’s already into [genital display as a form of signalling dominance](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288593) “Look out, Mr. Koizumi, he’s going to mount!” ---
**Author:** ![vinniepaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@vinniepaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vinniepaz)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/23 "2004-11-28T00:39:52Z")
My 9th grade history teacher. I think you could train a monkey to pass out packets and then sit there while a movie plays… ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/24 "2004-11-28T01:16:15Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > Pro athelete. Name a sport that a monkey could make good money competing in. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/25 "2004-11-28T21:15:13Z")
He could work as a wrench. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/26 "2004-11-28T23:58:01Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Name a sport that a monkey could make good money competing in. A great ape could be a fabulous wrestler if it didn’t matter so much what happened to his opponents. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/27 "2004-11-29T00:08:52Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Name a sport that a monkey could make good money competing in. Oh Ho! getting serious are we? Ok, name _any_ real job a monkey could actually do. Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/28 "2004-11-29T01:19:02Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Name a sport that a monkey could make good money competing in. I have to admit that I was thinking of simians in general, not just monkeys. However, aside from mangeorge’s point (do you really _not_ have a problem with monkeys as school teachers or stock brokers, but you _do_ have a problem with them on a sports team?) I’d say that a decent-sized monkey might be trainable to hold the ball for a football kicker. Maybe they’d do OK with pro bowling. If we are including all simians, then I’d say that gorillas could do fairly well at boxing, pro wrestling or maybe even NFL lineman. I don’t think that they have anywhere near the agility of humans, but then I’ve observed some NFL linemen that don’t seem to have very much agility either. Remember, I’m not saying that they’d necessarily _excel_ in those roles, either. And of course by now many people have seen footage of the karate chimp. I don’t think there’s that much money in professional karate, but then again if he’s being marketed as the World’s Greatest Chimpanzee Karate Master he could probably rake in a pretty good sum of money. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/29 "2004-11-29T01:21:27Z")
Oh, and I think most monkeys are just as qualified as humans to stand in the outfield and spit and scratch themselves. But that might just be my disdain for pro baseball players in general… ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/30 "2004-11-29T01:57:23Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > I have to admit that I was thinking of simians in general, not just monkeys. However, aside from mangeorge’s point (do you really _not_ have a problem with monkeys as school teachers or stock brokers, but you _do_ have a problem with them on a sports team?) I’d say that a decent-sized monkey might be trainable to hold the ball for a football kicker. Maybe they’d do OK with pro bowling. If we are including all simians, then I’d say that gorillas could do fairly well at boxing, pro wrestling or maybe even NFL lineman. I don’t think that they have anywhere near the agility of humans, but then I’ve observed some NFL linemen that don’t seem to have very much agility either. Remember, I’m not saying that they’d necessarily _excel_ in those roles, either. And of course by now many people have seen footage of the karate chimp. I don’t think there’s that much money in professional karate, but then again if he’s being marketed as the World’s Greatest Chimpanzee Karate Master he could probably rake in a pretty good sum of money. I thought that the others were being silly while I thought that was being serious. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/31 "2004-11-29T02:02:41Z")
What exactly gave you that impression? If I was being serious I would have said, “this is ridiculous, of course even if we could train monkeys to do various jobs, monkeys have no desire or need for monetary income anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/32 "2004-11-29T03:30:35Z")
:smack: > [@Freejooky](#): > > Think of this as a converse to the other thread. What jobs seem to be unfairly well-compensated for how little education and skills they require? > > I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure if they’re grounded in empirical reality. Unfair to _whom_, **Freejooky**? I find it absurd that anyone should be overly concerned about the compensation someone else can wrangle out of their situation, regardless of their little education and skills. More power to 'em, I say. The usual answer to this goes something like “We have to pay their wages.” Bullshit. That’s not the problem. Is it. What other thread? ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/33 "2004-11-29T03:58:22Z")
I think the OP’s reference is to this thread: [What is the most demanding & complex skilled job with the relatively poorest pay?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288585) While **mangeorge** makes a good point that, in reality, there are almost no humanly held jobs a monkey (and most of us probably think chimpanzee here) could perform at well, I think the OP means to address jobs that are relatively well paid that don’t require a lot of technical skill, or even understanding. In my experience, technical or industrial marketing reps get the most bang for their cerebral buck. They’re not responsible for the performance of the product, nor do they really even need to understand it. They provide accessibility, answers on demand, service and competitive quotes, with almost all of the really relevant information being supplied by others. Their main skills are social. Yet they _do_ bring in substantial incomes. Not unlike stockbrokers. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/34 "2004-11-29T04:02:28Z")
> [@vinniepaz](#): > > My 9th grade history teacher. I think you could train a monkey to pass out packets and then sit there while a movie plays… In the same vein, there was my AP Computer Science teacher. Job description: sit on computer and play Solitaire while **Roland** (who has never studied programming before) teaches class because _you don’t know to program_. When student asks question, hand him/her the copy of “C++ For Dummies” that is sitting on your desk. If book does not help, tell student to go ask **Roland**. Figuring out console C++ on my own, with only our crappy textbook as a guide, was somewhat challenging. I didn’t mind, though; it was certainly a lot more fun than most of my high school courses. What was annoying was that the county was paying this woman to “teach” us via giving us assignments, playing Solitaire, and handing us a book from time to time, while I was quite literally the only reason anybody else in the class had any idea what they were doing. By the end of the year, it became apparent to me that if I couldn’t figure out how to do an assignment, we just weren’t going to do it, because there was no way the teacher was going to be able to do it. I tested this by “drawing a blank” on a particularly annoying assignment that involved creating a class consisting of a header file that drew on multiple .cpp files (I actually did the assignment at home; I was trying to learn, after all). Sure enough, that assignment was cancelled. Last I heard, this same teacher is still teaching AP Comp Sci at my old school. I wonder if she’s been lucky enough to get a “student teacher” every year, or if her classes are filled with nothing more than a roomful of 😕 accompanied by _click_…_click_…_click_…(New Game?) ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/35 "2004-11-29T04:05:03Z")
> [@Ringo](#): > > I think the OP means to address jobs that are relatively well paid that don’t require a lot of technical skill, or even understanding. In which case my previous answers of pro athlete and movie star stand! ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/36 "2004-11-29T04:08:16Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > What exactly gave you that impression? If I was being serious I would have said, “this is ridiculous, of course even if we could train monkeys to do various jobs, monkeys have no desire or need for monetary income anyway.” The fact that they could be trained to do a fair amount of jobs that pay a decent amount. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/37 "2004-11-29T18:40:48Z")
> [@mangeorge](#): > > Oh Ho! getting serious are we? Ok, name _any_ real job a monkey could actually do. > Peace, > mangeorge Clint Eastwood co-star. 😃 My contribution: I had a friend whose dad used to stamp the bottom of cigarette packs with a hand-stamp. All day long. Monkey see package. Monkey do stamp. I don’t think he’d do it well, but he’d do it a grand sight better than he’d do a lot of other things (like anything in the professional sports arena). I also seem to recall an article once about a blacksmith in India that had trained a monkey to work the bellows for him. I think the monkey was on a chain. I bet you could train a monkey to be a messenger, too, like the guys on bikes, if he didn’t have to go to too many places. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/38 "2004-11-30T01:42:44Z")
COBOL Programmer Night watchman Toll collector Post to the SDMB … yiiipe yiiipe yiiipe!!! hoohoohoo hoohoo 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/39 "2004-11-30T01:53:13Z")
> [@ccwaterback](#): > > Night watchman Watch yourself there. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852/40 "2004-11-30T02:31:01Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > He could work as a wrench. This gets my vote for best post of the year. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-jobs-could-you-train-a-monkey-to-do-yet-get-the-highest-levels-of-pay/276852.md?page=3)