# What kind of bomb would Jesus use? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328 "2002-12-12T20:53:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chumpsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Chumpsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chumpsky)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/1 "2002-12-12T20:53:20Z")
Bush has said that he feels called by God to lead his country in this new war. His favorite philosopher is Jesus, so he probably wonders what kind of bombs Jesus would use to kill the evildoers. One might think that Jesus would use a “smart bomb” to try to avoid civilian casualties, but these have been shown to be anything but smart. I am thinking that Jesus would probably use a daisy cutter, just to get the whole thing over with. Better to die straight off than suffer horrible deformities and slow starvation. Or maybe Jesus would just nuke 'em all and then let Himself sort them out later. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/2 "2002-12-12T20:54:16Z")
There’s something inherently amusing about Jesus saying “Praise Me, and pass the ammunition.” ---
**Author:** ![MrTuffPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/3 "2002-12-12T20:56:57Z")
WWJN What Would Jesus Nuke. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/4 "2002-12-12T21:04:47Z")
**Moderator’s Note:** I think maybe this belongs more in the Pit than in GD. Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting flames! ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/5 "2002-12-12T21:27:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > \*\ ***Moderator’s Note:** I think maybe this belongs more in the Pit than in GD. > > Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting flames! \*\* Admit it, **Bucky** , you’ve just been _waiting_ to use that line. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/6 "2002-12-12T21:32:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > **Moderator’s Note: I think maybe this belongs more in the Pit than in GD.** Just as well. I get the impression the question is posed so that if it invites serious debate, someone will eventually say “I think Bomb type _X_ is the most humane” and Chumpsky will turn around and declare “I am shocked, _shocked!_ that you think a bomb can be humane, you evil crypto-fascist!” Personally, I think Jesus’s approach would be to send wave after wave of unarmed martyrs into enemy territory so that they can be slaughtered, and count on the eventual feelings of guilt to bring the enemy to submission and conversion. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/7 "2002-12-12T21:39:46Z")
\*\*Chumpsky wrote: Bush has said that he feels called by God to lead his country in this new war. His favorite philosopher is Jesus, so he probably wonders what kind of bombs Jesus would use to kill the evildoers.\*\* I’m curious, could I see a cite or link to the text where he said this? I don’t doubt that Dubya would say this, but I’d like to see in its context. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/8 "2002-12-12T21:40:14Z")
I think Jesus would use bioengineered anthrax that would take out all the goats but leave the sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/9 "2002-12-12T21:41:18Z")
And in keeping with the spirit of the OP, If Jesus was a terrorist, what type of terrorist would he be? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/10 "2002-12-12T21:42:25Z")
I think He would use a love bomb. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/11 "2002-12-12T21:54:29Z")
If it’s this quote, it was George Herbert Bush, not George W. Bush. [http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/iraq/bush.htm](http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/iraq/bush.htm) > [@](#): > > Bush Salutes US Air > Strikes on Iraq as “Lord’s Work” > Agence France-Presse > January 19, 2000 > > Kuwait, Ahmad al-Jaber Air Base - Former US president George Bush on Wednesday told American airmen based in Kuwait to enforce a no-fly zone over Iraq that they were doing God’s work. “I’m delighted that I’ve been invited out here today to salute you, who, in my view, are doing the Lord’s work,” Bush said to rapturous applause from 400 troops of the 332nd Air Expeditionary Group. > > Bush, silhouetted against a huge US flag, praised the airmen’s mission at this desert air base. “Iraqi minions pillaged this great country,” he said. "I hope no-one in the US Congress or anywhere else in the United States forgets the importance of this mission … or underestimates it. “We (US) are a moral country and we made a moral statement in January 1991 that that aggression will not stay, and you are making a moral statement today,” he said, referring to the Iraqi invasion and Gulf War that followed. > > “You are making sure this aggressor (Iraqi President Saddam Hussein) knows that his aggression will not go rewarded but punished,” Bush said to the crowd assembled in a disused hangar to the background hum of incoming helicopters. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/12 "2002-12-12T21:56:50Z")
Well, of course, God and/or Jesus would likely say that Bush is being presumptuous in speaking for them, but the one doesn’t exist and the other has been dead a couple thousand years, so I guess the answer could be just about anything. Otherwise, my guess would be that “turns you to a pillar of salt” thingy. ---
**Author:** ![ScoobyTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@ScoobyTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScoobyTX)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/13 "2002-12-12T21:57:20Z")
I don’t think that Jesus would be dropping bombs- he was in the [infantry](http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/o/n/onwardcs.htm) (warning: link plays music): > [@](#): > > Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war, > With the cross of Jesus going on before. > Christ, the royal Master, leads against the foe; > Forward into battle see His banners go! ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/14 "2002-12-12T22:05:14Z")
\ Wise Man 1: It is a valuable balm. Mrs. Cohen: A balm, what are you giving him a balm for, it might bite 'im. Wise Man 1: What? Mrs. Cohen: That’s a dangerous animal. Quick, throw it in the trough. Wise Man 1:No it isn’t. Mrs. Cohen: Yes it is, it’s great big… \ Oh _bomb_, I vote for [The Nude Bomb](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0081249) ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/15 "2002-12-12T22:09:23Z")
To paraphrase Chris Rock: “Jesus Christ was a man of peace. But whenever you hear a politician invoke his name, you know there’s some shit goin’ down!” ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/16 "2002-12-12T22:10:51Z")
He’d use the Hush-a-Bomb, so you’d be quiet in church. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/17 "2002-12-12T22:13:41Z")
Isn’t Jesus already da bomb? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/18 "2002-12-12T22:17:15Z")
Wow, the metamorphoses you get during the holiday season. **Old Chumpsky** : "_Kill all de settlers!!!_ **New Chumpsky** : Man of Peace I think Jesus would send vast waves of Jehovah’s Witnesses proselytizing throughout all of Iraq, until the cries of anguish compel Saddam to surrender. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/19 "2002-12-12T22:27:37Z")
Didn’t you see South Park last night? It’d be kinda like that. ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/20 "2002-12-12T22:30:17Z")
Perhaps mass screenings of _Battlefield: Earth_. It wouldn’t actually kill anyone, but they’d certainly lose their will to live. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328.md?page=2)