# What kind of bomb would Jesus use? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328 "2002-12-12T20:53:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/21 "2002-12-12T22:43:07Z")
Didn’t anybody see _Monty Python and the Holy grail_? Jesus would use the Holy Hand Grenade. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/22 "2002-12-12T22:47:31Z")
> [@](#): > > I think Jesus would use bioengineered anthrax that would take out all the goats but leave the sheep. :eek: 😃 :smack: Consarned **literalists**!!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/23 "2002-12-12T22:50:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*Didn’t you see South Park last night? \*\* Was I supposed to? ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/24 "2002-12-12T23:03:00Z")
Apparantly so. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/25 "2002-12-12T23:04:03Z")
Jesus would use a frogmentation bomb. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/26 "2002-12-12T23:13:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chumpsky \* > \*\*Bush has said that he feels called by God to lead his country in this new war. > \*\* Well, if DDG’s cite is correct, it wasn’t current President Bush who said it, it did not say that God called him, it made no mention of leadership of the country, and did not refer to the possible war with Iraq. Apart from that, spot on. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/27 "2002-12-12T23:14:58Z")
I can see it now. . . [The scene: an unnamed Northern Tier air base, B-52s on the line, “locked and cocked” for launch. . .] _Jesus Christ_: Tower, _Holy 1_. Cartridge loaded, ‘hot pickles’ on rack, request permission for takeoff. _Tower_: _Holy 1_ you are cleared for takeoff. Air on ground, 14 knots at 2-8. Winds aloft, same. Be advised, Soviet interceptors inbound over Arctic line. Cleared hot all the way to Moscow. Good luck and, well, youspeed! _JC_: Roger that Tower. _Holy 1_ outbound . . . _Later. . ._ “EWO to Pilot, Jesus H. . . I mean . . . whatever. They’re all over us!!” Tripler I’ve seen _Dr. Strangelove_ one too damn many times. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/28 "2002-12-12T23:17:39Z")
Water-to-wine bombs 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chumpsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Chumpsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chumpsky)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/29 "2002-12-12T23:34:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*Didn’t anybody see _Monty Python and the Holy grail_? Jesus would use the Holy Hand Grenade. 😃 \*\* "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shall be the number of thy counting, and the number thou shalt count to shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedest onto three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it." I think I’ve seen that movie one too many times. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/30 "2002-12-12T23:36:48Z")
He wouldn’t, IMHO, and Bush is being stupid and slanderous for even implying that he would. Then again, it’s a theological thing…::shrug:: ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/31 "2002-12-12T23:40:11Z")
He’d use the F-Bomb. “Hey! You fuckers knock that shit off. Me on a popsicle stick, what’s wrong you fucktards?” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/32 "2002-12-12T23:47:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angel of the Lord \* > \*\*Then again, it’s a theological thing…::shrug:: \*\* Actually, I think it’s a _thang_. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/33 "2002-12-12T23:57:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chumpsky \* > \*\*"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. > > Three shall be the number of thy counting, and the number thou shalt count to shall be three. > > Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedest onto three. > > Five is right out. > > Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it." > \*\* Amen. ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/34 "2002-12-13T00:00:19Z")
> [@](#): > > I think I’ve seen that movie one too many times Not enough. You still don’t have it verbatim. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/35 "2002-12-13T00:00:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*Didn’t you see South Park last night? It’d be kinda like that. \*\* > [@](#): > > Yea, look upon me, and know me. My children, you should know something – I’m packing. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/36 "2002-12-13T00:50:16Z")
Yeah, that South Park last night pretty much answers all. Jesus kicks ass and takes names. Knives, guns, he can do it all. He laid the smack down on them Iraqis, Nazarene-style!! Can you dig that, homes? Jesus don’t need no bizzombs, he got’s the mad Shaolin to bust yo ass, fool. ---
**Author:** ![SmileyDeath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SmileyDeath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmileyDeath)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/37 "2002-12-13T01:03:45Z")
Jesus will use a bomb that will spread love and happiness and lollipop’s around the land with the pinpoint accuracy of a rainbow. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/38 "2002-12-13T03:04:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > Admit it, **Bucky** , you’ve just been _waiting_ to use that line. Hey, c’mon, I gotta get my fun somehow. Of course, if you take the Christian doctrine of the Trinity seriously, then Jesus would probably use [incendiary weapons](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=GEN%2B19%3A24&showfn=on&showxref=on&language=english&version=NIV&x=19&y=8), [biological warfare](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=EXOD+32:35&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on), [chemical strikes against the water supply](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=REV%2B8%3A11&showfn=on&showxref=on&language=english&version=NIV&x=7&y=10), or [divert giant asteroids to strike the Earth](http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=REV+8:8&language=english&version=KJV&showfn=on&showxref=on). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/39 "2002-12-13T04:04:23Z")
I think he’d send them a hollowed out bomb containing **Chumpsky** , **december** , **Wildest Bill** , **Jack Dean Tyler** , **deeward** , **KayKay** , and **Justthink** and then they’d have to deal with that. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328/40 "2002-12-13T04:16:24Z")
Now, Guinastasia, even the wrathful and terrible God of the Old Testament and Revelation has his limits. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-bomb-would-jesus-use/142328.md?page=3)