# What kind of database are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076 "2009-06-17T15:30:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/1 "2009-06-17T15:30:48Z")
I’m a database of lines from The Onion. What kind of database are you? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/2 "2009-06-17T15:32:26Z")
Corrupted. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/3 "2009-06-17T16:01:18Z")
44 CFR, especially Part 65 and Part 70. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/4 "2009-06-17T16:03:52Z")
Susceptible to an SQL injection, if you know what I mean. ::big cheesy wink:: ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/5 "2009-06-17T16:30:09Z")
I’m an outdated Oracle 8i database on a load-balanced server cluster that’s been writing bad data to all disks because the RAID controller’s failed. Where’s my brain backup?.. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/6 "2009-06-17T16:35:34Z")
Non-indexed and full of unsortable blob fields. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/7 "2009-06-17T16:45:04Z")
Mostly lines from _Aliens_, _Mystery Men_ and various Barbara Harris films with the occasional minor/trivial line from _Hamlet_, all in first normal form and triggers causing mutating tables all over. Uh oh, Rollback segment too old. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/8 "2009-06-17T19:10:38Z")
Custom. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/9 "2009-06-17T19:50:13Z")
MS Access – wonderfully useful and effective for certain kinds of tasks, but more often misued. Also, I made my living as an Access developer for a number of years, so I have a soft spot for it in my heart. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/10 "2009-06-17T19:52:25Z")
I’m operating in interrupt mode with no stack. (More of a CPU joke than a database joke, but I like it anyway.) ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/11 "2009-06-17T22:04:12Z")
A kludge of imdb, snpp, and cndb (NSFW). ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/12 "2009-06-17T22:28:11Z")
I’m a poorly cross-indexed field of electoral data. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/13 "2009-06-17T23:21:40Z")
My skull is a vast, dusty storehouse of useless knowledge. Nobody wants to play trivia games with me. I don’t have the kind of knowledge that’s good for earning a living. It’s good for making people say, “How the Hell did you know that?” ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/14 "2009-06-18T00:02:34Z")
Multi-table relational with multiple relationships between most pairs of tables, stored in several different architectures (MySQL, FileMaker, Oracle) and all of it ported from a dusty folder of ancient and long-obsolete flat-structure files. With no documentation. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/15 "2009-06-18T03:53:48Z")
Normalized to 3AF (Third Abnormal Form). ---
**Author:** ![TheMadHun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@TheMadHun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheMadHun)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/16 "2009-06-19T02:04:36Z")
I’m a heap. Old micro OS term. Very disorganized unless you have a good memory to trace back and forth. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/17 "2009-06-19T21:31:04Z")
Spellcheck ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/18 "2009-06-19T22:56:17Z")
PG-1980. I don’t remember, I don’t recall I got no memory of anything -anything at all ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/19 "2009-06-20T05:39:56Z")
Obscure music trivia. Did you know that the former lead singer of **Arab Strap** , Malcolm Middleton, is preforming as a solo artist now? And that the girls from **Smoosh** did vocals on a track (“Noisy At The Circus”) for the musical collective **Head Like a Kite**? And the **Bard Of Ely** song “You’re a Liar, Nicky Wire” is about the lead singer of **Manic Street Preachers**? Now you do! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-database-are-you/500076/20 "2009-06-20T12:16:34Z")
One that is indexed by Google. In that I mean that keywords free-associate in my brain. It’s quite similar to those [Bing.com](http://Bing.com) ads.