# What kind of people hump furniture? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807 "2005-01-26T19:40:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/1 "2005-01-26T19:40:20Z")
What kind of people hump furniture? Plumbers? Accountants? Registered Nurses? Interns? Do you think they dim the lights, put on some Barry White, maybe burn some incense and have a glass of wine on the table nearby? Or maybe just drag the Lay-Z-Boy into the closet for a quickie. I myself, having never conciously humped furniture, wonder about this. What kind of parts do they go after? Do guys go for the gap between cousions maybe, sort of like a pseudo-vagina? What about women? Do they straddle an arm handle? On a website which featured bizarre and gross videos, I happened to see a hidden/security camera footage of a woman opening a door, grabbing the top of the door and sort of hanging there, then humping the side of the door for all she was worth. This made me somewhat curious as to what other kinds of furniture women were defacing. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/2 "2005-01-26T19:42:33Z")
My seventh grade science teacher humped the tables while he lectured. He also passed out Red Lobster bibs while we were dissecting crayfish. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/3 "2005-01-26T19:43:33Z")
I for one have nothing to add, but am looking forward to hearing more on this interesting subject. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/4 "2005-01-26T20:16:28Z")
You’ve heard of furries? You’ve endtered the dark realm of ultrasuedeys. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/5 "2005-01-26T20:24:35Z")
My sixth-grade English teacher was exactly the right height for making… uh… “contact” with the corners of our desks. And she did it constantly, when collecting homework, checking assignments, handing out tests - any time she needed to be at a student’s desk, one of the front corners got buried in her crotch. > [@Incubus](#): > > On a website which featured bizarre and gross videos, I happened to see a hidden/security camera footage of a woman opening a door, grabbing the top of the door and sort of hanging there, then humping the side of the door for all she was worth. Dammit, where’s the **LINK**?? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/6 "2005-01-26T20:35:42Z")
I don’t know \*who \* these people are, but if you can tell me _where_ they are, I’m going to make myself a kitchen table disguise. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/7 "2005-01-26T20:47:52Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I don’t know \*who \* these people are, but if you can tell me _where_ they are, I’m going to make myself a kitchen table disguise. That cracked me up 😛 Sorry, no link ☹ even if I had it, it would be NSFW. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/8 "2005-01-26T21:07:33Z")
This gives a whole ghastly new meaning to “laying the table”. ---
**Author:** ![Terrorcotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@Terrorcotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrorcotta)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/9 "2005-01-26T21:11:00Z")
I am with **SandyHook**. I don’t have a thing to add but I too am fascintated with any kind of furniture defacement… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/10 "2005-01-26T21:11:41Z")
There should also be a mandatory link to [this](http://www.altervistas.com/sites/weird/154) site (may be not work safe if you work in a reallly strict place). I suppose there was some furniture in Soyalent Green I might have liked to hump. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/11 "2005-01-26T21:17:37Z")
Errr…I’m not sure if this is me having a more dirty mind than you do, or a less one (although it’s pretty unusual for me to have a less dirty one…) but, c’mon. Are we really taking about folks with interior decorating fetishes, or just those looking to masturbate with whatever large inanimate object it’s convinent to rub up against? The latter being perfectly normal…ummm…right? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/12 "2005-01-26T21:17:48Z")
Here’s a joke for you. Sanitized for IMHO. A husband comes home hot and horny as hell. Grabs his wife, throws her up against the door, and screws her rotten. After he’s finished, he gets off her and noticed she’s still squirming, moving around, etc. He says, “Honey, what’s wrong, didn’t you get enough?” She says, “It’s not that, I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my butthole.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/13 "2005-01-26T21:28:38Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > My seventh grade science teacher humped the tables while he lectured. > > He also passed out Red Lobster bibs while we were dissecting crayfish. Very odd. My seventh grade science teacher did _exactly_ the same thing. I regret that it seemed awfully funny at the time to cover the sides of the tables with chalk dust. It left a lovely streak across his pants, day in and day out. While my teacher didn’t pass out Red Lobster bibs, he was curiously obsessed with rolling rulers. He _said_ he used them for orienteering… ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/14 "2005-01-26T22:43:17Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > What kind of people hump furniture? That depends. What kind of furniture **are** you? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/15 "2005-01-26T23:28:02Z")
> [@Merhouse](#): > > That depends. What kind of furniture **are** you? 😃 The kind that humps people 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/16 "2005-01-27T01:38:09Z")
What counts as “furniture?” What about pillows and detachable shower-heads. Uh, not that I do that. Or something. :o ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/17 "2005-01-27T01:43:54Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > What kind of people hump furniture? Anyone with a love seat. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/18 "2005-01-29T02:40:19Z")
bedposts may be very popular. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/19 "2005-01-29T03:22:05Z")
Well, **rocking chair** , perhaps you could shed some light on this topic. In fact, I’d suspect you could chair this discussion. Or maybe you’re under legal age…I have no idea. Or perhaps you have some weird hang-ups and are totally off your…oh, this pun is too dumb and obvious even for me! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/20 "2005-01-29T03:31:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What counts as “furniture?” What about pillows and detachable shower-heads. > > Uh, not that I do that. Or something. > > :o That’s good, because if you did, I’d demand photographic proof of such a thing. Ya know, purely for “research” purposes. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807.md?page=2)