# What kind of people hump furniture? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807 "2005-01-26T19:40:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SallyCan\_tDance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@SallyCan\_tDance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SallyCan_tDance)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/21 "2005-01-29T04:00:48Z")
We used to joke about this Geography teacher “sexually harassing” the classroom tables. When he was facing the class, he used to stand right up against the front row of tables and bump them, um, rhythmically. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/22 "2005-01-29T04:31:02Z")
Funniest thread ever. Okay make that funniest thread I’ve ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/23 "2005-01-29T05:00:52Z")
I used to hump stuffed animals when I was a kid, but it’s never occurred to me to hump anything since I first discovered masturbation. Is this a real thing or a joke? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/24 "2005-01-29T05:39:48Z")
Sometimes when the sofa thing gets too vanilla, I like to do the “end” table. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/25 "2005-01-29T06:06:21Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What counts as “furniture?” What about pillows and detachable shower-heads. A pillow, much like a throw rug, is an accessory. A detachable showerhead isn’t even that much. [sub]Dear Og in heaven I do not need all these mental images![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/26 "2005-01-29T06:06:24Z")
This explains why my parents never let me watch _Bedknobs and Broomsticks_. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/27 "2005-01-29T06:12:49Z")
> [@](#): > > but it’s never occurred to me to hump anything since I first discovered masturbation. Bummer. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/28 "2005-01-29T06:19:56Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I used to hump stuffed animals when I was a kid, but it’s never occurred to me to hump anything since I first discovered masturbation. > > Is this a real thing or a joke? Anything at all? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/29 "2005-01-29T07:39:39Z")
Nobody? Come on, there’s guys that are into pegging, people who admit they’ve stuck their tongues up dogs’ asses, but nobody has humped furniture? ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/30 "2005-01-29T08:20:43Z")
My younger brother used to hump the arm rest on this one particular couch we had. It was always that one arm rest too. He started doing it when he was pretty young and continued it for quite a while. Occasionally my mom would wander into the room and yell “Get off the couch!” ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/31 "2005-01-29T12:45:54Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > … Do guys go for the gap between cousions maybe…? Better than the gap between cousins, I guess! 😛 😃 Max. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/32 "2005-01-29T19:15:58Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I don’t know \*who \* these people are, but if you can tell me _where_ they are, I’m going to make myself a kitchen table disguise. I refer you to _The Human Chair_, by [Edogawa Rampo](http://www.indiana.edu/~easc/lit_workshop/lesson_plans/Brinckerhoff_2001.htm). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/33 "2005-01-29T20:27:11Z")
When I was very young, I discovered that doing pull-ups on a pole made it rub against my privates in a rather pleasant way. The afternoon I discovered this, the teacher let us out onto the playground to play, and rather than play tetherball with everyone else I ran to the jungle gym and started doing pull ups…only to hear a girl yell “He’s f\*cking the pole!” Thus ended my career of inanimate-object humping. In the OP, a “hidden security camera” is mentioned. Are we sure this is a hidden camera, and not just a low-quality porn video? People in porn videos do all manner of odd things that are hard to explain. Err, not that I’d know anything about that. ---
**Author:** ![Jammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df705f/32.png) [@Jammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jammer)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/34 "2005-01-29T20:31:46Z")
When I saw this thread title, it immediately reminded me of a picture I saw a couple of years ago in another forum I visit from time to time. [http://www.legionoflions.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=292&stc=1](http://www.legionoflions.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=292&stc=1) Disturbing, but certainly apropos. 😃 Jammer ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/35 "2005-01-29T22:59:03Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > This gives a whole ghastly new meaning to “laying the table”. Also ‘making the bed’ ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/36 "2005-01-29T23:39:19Z")
[This](http://www.ihumpthings.com) might shed some light on the topic. Probably SFW, but I make no guarantees. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/37 "2005-01-30T05:32:47Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > My sixth-grade English teacher was exactly the right height for making… uh… “contact” with the corners of our desks. And she did it constantly, when collecting homework, checking assignments, handing out tests - any time she needed to be at a student’s desk, one of the front corners got buried in her crotch. I had a drafting teacher whose boobs were at exactly the right hight for making contact with my elbow. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/38 "2005-01-30T06:38:16Z")
> [@Sengkelat](#): > > .only to hear a girl yell “He’s f\*cking the pole!” Thus ended my career of inanimate-object humping. I’m sure the Sally Sokalowski was very confused. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/39 "2005-01-30T06:41:50Z")
“What are you doing in there, Wilbur?” “Pol-pol-pol-polishing the fur-fur-furniture, Mother.” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807/40 "2005-01-30T23:19:05Z")
Do people really hump furniture? I guess I must have led a much more sheltered life than I realised 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-people-hump-furniture/286807.md?page=3)