# What Kind of Porn Would Jesus Watch? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138 "2007-02-21T21:10:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/21 "2007-02-22T01:29:23Z")
Oddly enough, there are almost no sacrilegious spoof titles in the Adult Film Database. The closest I could find is the **Last Temptations of Kristi**. Maybe most pornographers are Christian. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/22 "2007-02-22T01:40:23Z")
What about the “Lust Temptation of Chris”? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/23 "2007-02-22T01:56:17Z")
It would definitely have prostitutes in it. It would go forever because Jesus could raise the dead. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/24 "2007-02-22T05:29:22Z")
Walking-on-Watersports? Necrophilia? 12 on 1? ("Paul! Is that you? No, its Peter!) ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/25 "2007-02-22T05:32:41Z")
Jesus Porn - Bringing a new meaning to “Get Behind me Satan” ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/26 "2007-02-22T07:16:50Z")
Ah, yes, Jesus Porn, I remember it well, particularly the Loaves and Fishes orgy scene and what the cock did three times toward the end… ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/27 "2007-02-22T08:34:32Z")
Jesus could make some interesting kink porn doing the holes in his own hands. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/28 "2007-02-22T08:45:33Z")
He might be a bit self-conscious about wearing the [Baby Jesus Butt Plug](http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php), though. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/29 "2007-02-22T09:11:32Z")
In keeping with His message of bringing all people together, I think we can safely assume Jesus was into interracial porn. And maybe some bisexual stuff. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/30 "2007-02-22T09:27:08Z")
Q: Who Would Jesus Do? A: Jesus will come into anyone, as long as they accept him. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/31 "2007-02-22T09:30:27Z")
He is the shepherd… is ALL I’m sayin’… ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/32 "2007-02-22T09:45:12Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] He is the shepherd… is ALL I’m sayin’… [/QUOTE] Are you saying Hal would star in a Jesus porno? Sorry, cheap shot ☹ ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/33 "2007-02-22T11:25:13Z")
Jesus actually worked as a porn star for a while in the 70’s, but he found it hard to get gigs after a while - he’d infuriate directors, who would waste miles of film getting his scenes done, knowing not the hour which he’d come. mm ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/34 "2007-02-22T14:48:54Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] And maybe some bisexual stuff. [/QUOTE] Yeah, probably, based on that spicy scene in the gardens at Gethsemane. > [@Mark 14:51-52](#): > > And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him: > > And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked. You know there’d be a lot of olive oil involved, too. ---
**Author:** ![Shecky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/35 "2007-02-22T15:06:08Z")
Ass to mouth? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/36 "2007-02-22T15:07:39Z")
Jesus would be perfect for porn movies. After all, he was well-hung. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/37 "2007-02-22T16:34:13Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] Jesus would be perfect for porn movies. After all, he was well-hung. [/QUOTE] Got wood? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/38 "2007-02-22T16:34:29Z")
Gay porn, titled simply _Peter._ “On these rock-hard abs, I will get my freak on.” ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/39 "2007-02-22T17:30:19Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Got wood? [/QUOTE] What would wood do? ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/40 "2007-02-22T17:40:33Z")
> [@](#): > > What would wood do? I think we all know the answer to that question [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138.md?page=3)