# What Kind of Porn Would Jesus Watch? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138 "2007-02-21T21:10:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/41 "2007-02-22T17:43:41Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] What would wood do? [/QUOTE] Wood would smite any offending orfices in the county, that’s what wood would do. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/42 "2007-02-22T18:01:48Z")
He’d probably watch some chick masturbating herself, then doing the same thing to thy – er, her – neighbor. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/43 "2007-02-22T18:29:18Z")
I dunno, didn’t the dude say something about “coming not to bring off a piece, but my sword?” Some kinda reluctance fantasy or somethin’… Probably a lot of money shots in that video. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/44 "2007-02-22T18:32:08Z")
“I…don’t know how to love him…” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/45 "2007-02-22T18:43:11Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] Jesus would be perfect for porn movies. After all, he was well-hung. [/QUOTE] So was Judas. Gay porn anyone? Jesus Christ Superstud ---
**Author:** ![leo\_rider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@leo\_rider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leo_rider)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/46 "2007-02-22T18:45:08Z")
He was a group addict. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/47 "2007-02-22T18:48:29Z")
Not much - Revelations 22:20. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_of\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/48 "2007-02-22T18:54:46Z")
…there has to be a good “turn the other cheek” joke in here somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/49 "2007-02-22T19:23:33Z")
Should we change the beatitudes to say “blessed be the priapic…”? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/50 "2007-02-22T21:05:55Z")
A two-hour compilation of immaculate conceptions. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/51 "2007-02-22T21:11:00Z")
Schoolgirl Marys ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/52 "2007-02-22T21:54:53Z")
Threesomes. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/53 "2007-02-22T21:56:25Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Lance Murdoch] Threesomes. [/QUOTE] Father, Son and Holy Ghost? Homosexual inscest necrophilia? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/54 "2007-02-22T22:11:37Z")
[QUOTE=mamboman] Jesus actually worked as a porn star for a while in the 70’s, but he found it hard to get gigs after a while - he’d infuriate directors, who would waste miles of film getting his scenes done, knowing not the hour which he’d come. mm [/QUOTE] Solid gold! Or gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Your choice. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/55 "2007-02-23T06:56:02Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Not much - Revelations 22:20. 😃 [/QUOTE] Wow. We’re all going to hell, but I think you’ll be at the head of the line… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/56 "2007-02-23T06:59:52Z")
[QUOTE=if6was9] Wow. We’re all going to hell, but I think you’ll be at the head of the line… 😛 [/QUOTE] “…and a dirty old man shall lead them.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/57 "2007-02-23T07:23:16Z")
anti-snuff, people rise from the dead and then get laid… ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/58 "2007-02-23T14:57:20Z")
[QUOTE=Dr. Rieux] “…and a dirty old man shall lead them.” 😉 [/QUOTE] I’n not **that** old! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/59 "2007-02-23T15:05:43Z")
It would be gay justifying the motto In God We Thrust. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138/60 "2007-02-23T21:21:57Z")
Maybe a party with two hot Lilys in the field, but first he’d wash their feet. Then there’s that steamy scene with the woman taken into adultery with her pitcher. Jesus, look at that high hard one! Then he puts a slider into the dirt! Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus! Oh, pitcher! Gimme the screwball! Walk me, baby! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-kind-of-porn-would-jesus-watch/393138.md?page=4)