# What land will you choose to be viceroy of after the conquest? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208 "2008-09-05T17:04:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/21 "2008-09-05T22:46:29Z")
I’ll take Britain. I rather like Windsor Castle. And it’s got dungeons. Which I’ll use to imprison all those pesky politicians. I’ll subject the Tories to non stop Kinnock speeches, the Labour ones to Thatcher’s speeches, and the Lib Dems to Dr David Owen. The screams arising from this exquisite torture will lull me to sleep at night. And I will allow the [del]public[/del] peasantry to come and adjust the volume controls. For I am a good (but not _too good_) student of my overlord. And I will make sure I keep my dread overlord fully sated with the finest Devon clotted cream. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/22 "2008-09-06T00:46:02Z")
I call Tahiti. And as a sub-tyrant I will declare pot, booze and Valium not only legal but supplied by me for free. Just because it’s the right thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/23 "2008-09-06T01:38:13Z")
I believe your imperious majesticiferousness would be well served by not having to deal with any of the sundry minor details in the land known as Hawaii (just the Big Island, I’m sure there will be others who must toil and slave on the other islands to keep your all-seeing eye from needing to focus too hard on the small stuff.) It shall be such sacrifice, but it’s one I’m willing to make. Dang! I missed **Flander** ’s post - S/He could perhaps take the rest of the archipelago? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/24 "2008-09-06T01:55:26Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Well, since no one else wants it I’ll take California. First off I’ll drive out all the damn hippies and make it a nice place to live ;). It already would be self sustaining as a nation-state so there is little work required which would be great for me because I’m generally lazy. In order to get the economy back on track I would limit the government to infrastructure maintenance, compliance to the financial reporting regulations, and improving the education system. Any more then that would be through community programs that are driven locally. I would offer my services for a measly 1% of the state GDP. You can be viceroy of California, but I want to be the Duke of San Francisco. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/25 "2008-09-06T01:57:25Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Vancouver Island. Mountanins, cities, fields, rivers, forests, everything needed to support a wholesome post-petroleum society that will be healthy for the participants yet low enough in technology not to be a threat to Our Overlord. > > Plus we can shake our spears at the Vancouverites and Seattleites across the water. Dibs on the rest of British Columbia. Hey, **Sunspace** : “Nyah, Nyah” (sticks out tongue) ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/26 "2008-09-06T01:58:23Z")
New York City, because it’s the capital of the world. ---
**Author:** ![lynxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e99b99/32.png) [@lynxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lynxie)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/27 "2008-09-06T01:58:53Z")
Harrumff. I wanted New Zealand or Vancouver Island! Then I thought I’d take Britain but some non-colonial got there first. \ Aha! Iceland. With global warming it should soon be habitable … and I will make them learn English. They’ll hate me - as it should be. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/28 "2008-09-06T02:02:20Z")
I want North Dakota. Yes. . . _North Dakota_. Why? Because if it seceded from the Union, it’d be the fifth largest nuclear power in the world, and its so cold, it keeps the damn riff-raff out. I’ve got the bomb, it’s big enough to graze a million head of cattle on, small enough I can wall off the border, and cold enough that none of y’all wanna go there. Tripler Yes, I said muthaf\*ckin’ _North Dakota_. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/29 "2008-09-06T02:05:46Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I’ve got the bomb, it’s big enough to graze a million head of cattle on, small enough I can wall off the border, and **cold enough that none of y’all wanna go there**. > > Tripler (emphasis added) Wimp. You can have North Dakota - it’s too crowded. But it’s warmer than my pleasure island. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/30 "2008-09-06T02:08:36Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > You can be viceroy of California, but I want to be the Duke of San Francisco. I believe the correct moniker is Vice Queen of San Francisco 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/31 "2008-09-06T02:37:35Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I want North Dakota. Yes. . . _North Dakota_. > > Why? Because if it seceded from the Union, it’d be the fifth largest nuclear power in the world, and its so cold, it keeps the damn riff-raff out. I’ve got the bomb, it’s big enough to graze a million head of cattle on, small enough I can wall off the border, and cold enough that none of y’all wanna go there. Hah! You mean South Saskatchewan! That’s where my mother’s people went to get warm on holidays! Watch out for the Saskatchewaners. I, of course, am safely across the mountains and the Strait, in my island redoubt. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/32 "2008-09-06T02:43:57Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I want North Dakota. Yes. . . _North Dakota_. > > Why? Because if it seceded from the Union, it’d be the fifth largest nuclear power in the world, and its so cold, it keeps the damn riff-raff out. I’ve got the bomb, it’s big enough to graze a million head of cattle on, small enough I can wall off the border, and cold enough that none of y’all wanna go there. > > Tripler > Yes, I said muthaf\*ckin’ _North Dakota_. My hand to God I was going with ND as my second choice but figured nobody would believe me. Maybe we can co-rule, but for different reasons. You can have the missiles if you look the other way while I conspire with Montana for the shale oil rights. Man, think of the implications to Tahiti if I can get my hands on that revenue!!! BTW, if this pans out lemme give some advice to the rest of you. Don’t pick Alberta or Saskatchewan, you’ll be overrun in short order. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/33 "2008-09-06T02:44:57Z")
It’s a toss-up between Japan (technology ahoy!) and South Africa (Which would give me most of the world’s diamonds, and gold, and lots of animals to go on safari after). 😃 If I was Viceroy of Japan, you can bet I’d be wandering around in high-tech Conquistador Armour, and if I was Viceroy of South Africa I’d be moving the Viceroyal Palace to Rorke’s Drift and wearing a Pith Helmet. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/34 "2008-09-06T03:55:28Z")
Iceland, please - or failing that, The Moon. Yes - the Moon! Ha! Kneel before my mighty tide making power! ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/35 "2008-09-06T04:15:33Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > Iceland, please - or failing that, The Moon. Yes - the Moon! Ha! Kneel before my mighty tide making power! Oh and I am aware the moon is bigger than California, but our mighty new Overlord only claimed the Earth and the Moon would be my way of demonstrating my snit over losing Iceland 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/36 "2008-09-06T04:25:33Z")
Arkansas, my native land. Er, do I get to keep the Minute Man missile silos? ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/37 "2008-09-06T05:11:10Z")
May I have Wisconsin? It’s, well, it’s just home. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/38 "2008-09-06T05:28:25Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > Oh and I am aware the moon is bigger than California How do you figure? I can completely cover it with my thumb, even with my arm fully outstretched. ---
**Author:** ![Dosipede](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dosipede](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dosipede)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/39 "2008-09-06T05:37:39Z")
I’ll take the Island of the Hot-Springs-Skinny-Dipping Swedish Swim Team Coeds\*, if you don’t mind. Failing that, Madagascar. As soon as one of you diseased fuckers sneezes, the borders are _closed._ - I don’t care. We’ll fucking create it. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/40 "2008-09-06T05:39:59Z")
I call dibs on your bedchamber, and any parts of your castle/home/fortress of doom that lead to the area. This includes full access to do what I please with any security devices or enforcers in the area. The armory would be nice as well. I only need control while you sleep milord. Huh? What’s assassination… I just want to uh… beef up security and keep you safe. That’s right… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=3)