# What land will you choose to be viceroy of after the conquest? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208 "2008-09-05T17:04:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/61 "2008-09-08T09:47:16Z")
Navarra, including the Corridor and Fuenterrabia because, as Ondarribians like to remind the world “we wanted to be Navarra and they did’t let us!” (plus, as beaches go, it’s closer than fucking Salou). People who have apartments in Salou, la Pineda or further south will have to choose between that house and the one in Navarra. Good riddance to anybody who chooses that clogged-up monster, say I! A branch of the Academy of the Basque Language will be opened, with the goal to obtain as much information on local dialects as possible, rather than rolling Batua (the official dialect created by and for Nationalist Basque Party) over said dialects. Those colleges of the Public University that offer diplomas which already existed in the private university will be closed or switched to other fields; the no-strings fellowships from the government will be extended to more fields and levels than they’re currently available for. Oh, and we’ll get the effing cable to every village and farm out there. Someone else can handle the rest of Spain, have fun with them… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/62 "2008-09-08T10:01:13Z")
Forgot to put the reasoning… :smack: It’s a small area, used to self-government in many aspects; nothing near homogenous (starting with the linguistic aspects, continuing with the 11 microclimates), used to chugging along pacifically. With the exception of half a dozen instances during the XIX and XX centuries when several central governments managed to make us jump, happy to just go our way and let others go theirs, since thereabouts of the X century. Open to visitors, yet at the same time surprised that anybody wants to come visit. Good food, good industry, good schools, good comunications. There are roads that have two lanes to each side, all painted up, then all of a sudden you see a big sign saying “welcome to (neighboring region)!” and the road becomes the kind where two buses can’t cross unless one of them stops to let the other one through. As the song says, we have mountains, we have deserts (that have been used as “Arizona” in movies), we have forests (the masts of the Juan Sebastián Elcano are single pines from those), we have towns. A decent beach is about the only thing we’re missing… Salou wouldn’t be such a bad option (nearest point on the Mediterranean coast) but after razing what’s currently built there. That place is a monster. ---
**Author:** ![Desert\_Nomad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desert_nomad/32/177_2.png) [@Desert\_Nomad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desert_Nomad)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/63 "2008-09-08T10:05:41Z")
The Lake Tahoe basin… some of which is in California, but I claim both Nevada and California parts. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Desert\_Nomad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desert_nomad/32/177_2.png) [@Desert\_Nomad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desert_Nomad)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/64 "2008-09-08T10:07:24Z")
> [@Ferris](#): > > I humbly petition to take New Caledonia as my personal territory and dominion. > > As jusitfication\*, I submit my willingness to change the official language from French to English and alter the national holiday from Bastille Day (14 July) to National Day on 18 December, to bring it into line with Qatar. > > Having 25% of the world’s nickel, I would be happy to come to any mutually beneficial arrangement which included chocolate. > > - > - because I pay attention. Are you Qatari? If so, I have one of your Riyals in my wallet. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/65 "2008-09-08T15:50:03Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Wait a minute… **Skald** ’s just trying to gather a list of places to \*banish \*us from isn’t he? Curses. You know I’d never exile YOU, WhyNot. You’ll be my figurehead ruler, the better to draw the attention of assassins. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/66 "2008-09-08T18:43:36Z")
Pitcairn Cause I’m too lazy to oversee anything larger ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/67 "2008-09-08T18:48:16Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You know I’d never exile YOU, WhyNot. You’ll be my figurehead ruler… Prepare to be spread-eagled across the prow of **Skald** ’s ship and hit in the face with salt water. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/68 "2008-09-08T18:50:57Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Prepare to be spread-eagled across the prow of **Skald** ’s ship and hit in the face with salt water. Fool of a Took! How is that going to keep ME from being assassinated? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/69 "2008-09-08T18:52:42Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Prepare to be spread-eagled across the prow of **Skald** ’s ship and hit in the face with salt water. Oh, you make it sound so dirty! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/70 "2008-09-08T19:00:56Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Oh, you make it sound so dirty! 😃 Water. He said water. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/71 "2008-09-08T19:03:48Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Fool of a Took! How is that going to keep ME from being assassinated? Perhaps, Sir, it is one of those things described by that Voltaire fellow. “The English occasionally shoot a few Admirals to encourage the others.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/72 "2008-09-08T19:05:30Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Perhaps, Sir, it is one of those things described by that Voltaire fellow. “The English occasionally shoot a few Admirals to encourage the others.” :: makes note to give carnivorousplant Australia, New Zealand, and all the chippies he wants:: ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/73 "2008-09-08T19:11:59Z")
I call Switzerland! ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/74 "2008-09-08T19:17:47Z")
Ah, great! I’m not too late. Desidero Italia! Grazie!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/75 "2008-09-08T19:23:32Z")
Hmm, I’m torn, do I choose Maine, after all, I’m already here, grew up here, and I don’t feel like moving, and as Dictator-In-Chief, I’d have unlimited access to all the lobster I could ever want, I’d train them as my elite (and delicious) attack minions, any not following orders would simply be _eaten_ BWAHAHAHA! bow before my crustaceous fury, puny humans! Or, do I take the British Isles (England) and put an end to all the nannystate crap they have to deal with, goodbye CCTV cameras, you want to carry locking knives, fine, you want access to firearms, fine, I’d basically roll back all the stupid nannystate crap and bask in the adoration of my public anyone caught breaking laws would be banished to Australia, the barren desert part where they’d have to deal with Mad Max 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/76 "2008-09-08T19:42:14Z")
Since Wisconsin is already taken, I’ll take Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky. Then I can get rid of the various riff-raff and enjoy the scenery. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/77 "2008-09-08T20:03:19Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > anyone caught breaking laws would be banished to Australia, Hey! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/78 "2008-09-08T20:06:29Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Hey! Think of his exilees as recruits for your own army. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/79 "2008-09-08T20:35:53Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Think of his exilees as recruits for your own army. Yeah, **carnivorousplant**! You could have your own personal Sardaukar, elite warriors emerging out of generations of Darwinian battle-red-in-tooth-and-claw, raised from childhood to obey their officers unquestioningly, devoid of fear of death! _glances nervously at Lord Skald_ Until you make the Overlord nervous with your obviously superior army so that he has to come and crush you before you’re stronger than him. Okay, maybe it’s not such a good idea as all that…maybe you should just train them up to be a really kickass choir… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/80 "2008-09-08T20:42:37Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Yeah, **carnivorousplant**! You could have your own personal Sardaukar, elite warriors emerging out of generations of Darwinian battle-red-in-tooth-and-claw, raised from childhood to obey their officers unquestioningly, devoid of fear of death! > > _glances nervously at Lord Skald_ Until you make the Overlord nervous with your obviously superior army so that he has to come and crush you before you’re stronger than him. > . Silly hobbit. Once I’ve conquered the Earth and have installed the sunkiller bomb in Sol’s core–keyed to go off at the instant my EEG flatlines – I am taking the rest of my career off. You guys can civil war amongst yourself as much as you want. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=5)