# What land will you choose to be viceroy of after the conquest? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208 "2008-09-05T17:04:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/81 "2008-09-08T20:47:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Silly hobbit. Once I’ve conquered the Earth and have installed the sunkiller bomb in Sol’s core–keyed to go off at the instant my EEG flatlines – I am taking the rest of my career off. You guys can civil war amongst yourself as much as you want. Ooh…you ARE a clever one… ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/82 "2008-09-08T20:49:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Silly hobbit. Once I’ve conquered the Earth and have installed the sunkiller bomb in Sol’s core–keyed to go off at the instant my EEG flatlines – I am taking the rest of my career off. You guys can civil war amongst yourself as much as you want. Sunkiller bomb? Ehhh… can I get Antarctica and a helluva lot of drilling machinery instead? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/83 "2008-09-08T20:52:10Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > Sunkiller bomb? > > Ehhh… can I get Antarctica and a helluva lot of drilling machinery instead? Knock yourself out. I’d have asked for the hyperlight ark myself, but that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/84 "2008-09-08T20:55:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Knock yourself out. > > I’d have asked for the hyperlight ark myself, but that’s just me. Doh :smack: Or maybe that huge bunker they had in Dr Strangelove - with all those beautiful young women in. I’ll take that one 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/85 "2008-09-08T21:05:31Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > Doh :smack: > > Or maybe that huge bunker they had in Dr Strangelove - with all those beautiful young women in. > > I’ll take that one 🙂 Still doesn’t make any sense. Look, a sunkiller’s bomb may reasonably be assumed to do one of two things. 1. Cause the Sun to go supernova, thus destroying the planet which is the bomb’s true target; or 2. Cause the Sun to stop radiating heat and light, that is, make it go out like an extinguished candle. In either case, the correct response (assuming you cannot disarm or remove the bomb) is to leave the solar system. And you can TAKE the hot chicks on the space ark. That’s why it’s called an “ark,” not a “motorcycle.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/86 "2008-09-08T21:28:33Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Think of his exilees as recruits for your own army. Of course, Your Grace. Mine field clearing. We are blessed with Your wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/87 "2008-09-08T21:38:41Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In either case, the correct response (assuming you cannot disarm or remove the bomb) is to leave the solar system. And you can TAKE the hot chicks on the space ark. That’s why it’s called an “ark,” not a “motorcycle.” Forget the ark. I’m takin’ the whole damn planet with me. Antarctica is where I’ll mount the Really Big Rocket Motor. Unless someone annoys me. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/88 "2008-09-08T21:39:11Z")
Well when the OP, I mean Overlord, says ‘no larger than California’ I presume he means area-wise. On the off-chance he means ‘population-wise’, I claim Antarctica. Or, if he wishes to enforce **WormTheRed** ’s claim, I’ll take… _the oceans_. Ha! Beat that! ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/89 "2008-09-08T21:43:25Z")
I’m prepared to battle to the death with **PaulinSaudi** for your entertainment, over the right to rule my city. I hear he’s a pushover anyway. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2008, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/90 "2008-09-08T21:58:24Z")
> [@Nancarrow](#): > > I’ll take… _the oceans_. Ha! Beat that! [QUOTE=The OP] What _land_ will you choose? [/QUOTE] Er… make that, the one with the best opticians. :o ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/91 "2008-09-09T01:18:11Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > I’m prepared to battle to the death with **PaulinSaudi** for your entertainment, over the right to rule my city. I hear he’s a pushover anyway. 🙂 Fool of a Took! Paul is named after the DEADLIEST of the Apostles for good reason. You do not want to challenge that man to a fight unless you happen to have the Justice League of America as your backup. Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t Peter the deadliest apostle? I mean, he offed Annas and Sapphira for cheating on their tithes, whereas Paul didn’t kill ANYBODY. Well, don’t be fooled. His “missionary” journeys consisted largely of going around to various cities, challenging the local pagan priests to cage matches, and strangling them with their own intestines. I Thessalonians, in particular, is so white-washed it’s not funny. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/92 "2008-09-09T01:31:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Desert Nomad** > Are you Qatari? No, it was more to baffle and annoy the French… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/93 "2008-09-09T03:29:18Z")
Oh fellow Viceregals, I have an deal to offer. Inventory of the realm has revealed a dearth of choice surf spots in mainland British Columbia. In exchange for surf access, I offer choice BC bud, and a bevy of Pamela Anderson look-alikes, as well as favourable deals on softwood lumber. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/94 "2008-09-09T03:30:25Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Oh fellow Viceregals, I have an deal to offer. Inventory of the realm has revealed a dearth of choice surf spots in mainland British Columbia. In exchange for surf access, I offer choice BC bud, and a bevy of **Pamela Anderson look-alikes** , as well as favourable deals on softwood lumber. Alternately, you go get lookalikes of a human female. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/95 "2008-09-09T04:17:40Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Oh fellow Viceregals, I have an deal to offer. Inventory of the realm has revealed a dearth of choice surf spots in mainland British Columbia. In exchange for surf access, I offer choice BC bud, and a bevy of Pamela Anderson look-alikes, as well as favourable deals on softwood lumber. Don’t listen to **Attack from the 3rd dimension** , who only wants to attack! There are plenty of good surf spots in British Columbia. There is, of course, the minor convenience fee we on the Island charge to visitors for surf access, but you won’t even notice it. Incidentally, we also have a superb organ-transplant hospital, should you come to grief while surfing. It’s almost as if the organs are pre-matched to our visitors. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/96 "2008-09-09T06:15:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Fool of a Took! Paul is named after the DEADLIEST of the Apostles for good reason. You do not want to challenge that man to a fight unless you happen to have the Justice League of America as your backup. > > Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t Peter the deadliest apostle? I mean, he offed Annas and Sapphira for cheating on their tithes, whereas Paul didn’t kill ANYBODY. Well, don’t be fooled. His “missionary” journeys consisted largely of going around to various cities, challenging the local pagan priests to cage matches, and strangling them with their own intestines. I Thessalonians, in particular, is so white-washed it’s not funny. I wonder what they made the cages out of? Just need a coliseum and a few lions, now. Can I get a few days to prepare for the death match? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/97 "2008-09-10T03:16:18Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Don’t listen to **Attack from the 3rd dimension** , who only wants to attack! There are plenty of good surf spots in British Columbia. There is, of course, the minor convenience fee we on the Island charge to visitors for surf access, but you won’t even notice it. > > Incidentally, we also have a superb organ-transplant hospital, should you come to grief while surfing. It’s almost as if the organs are pre-matched to our visitors. Maybe I should build a bridge to Vancouver Island with my softwood lumber, the better to [del]invade[/del] [del]crush you like a bug[/del] [del]liberate your peons[/del] spread the joys of Pamela Anderson lookalikes and the aforementioned bud, as well as facilitating my surfari with my pal **Sunspace** And, of course, for the the greater glory of **Skald**. That’s the main reason. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/98 "2008-09-10T03:25:32Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Maybe I should build a bridge to Vancouver Island with my softwood lumber, the better to [del]invade[/del] [del]crush you like a bug[/del] [del]liberate your peons[/del] spread the joys of Pamela Anderson lookalikes and the aforementioned bud, as well as facilitating my surfari with my pal **Sunspace** > > And, of course, for the the greater glory of **Skald**. That’s the main reason. Hah! Once the pine beetles are through, you won’t have much softwood lumber left! And then we’ll come swooping in with _our_ softwood lumber and build our own bridge to Vancouver Island! And we already live there so it’ll be a lot shorter! **Skald** will be best venerated by us! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/99 "2008-09-10T03:25:43Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > And, of course, for the the greater glory of **Skald**. That’s the main reason. Memo To: Attack from the 3rd dimension From: Carnivorousplant CC: His Unutterableness RE: EEG of cloned mammoths Attack, old chum. Regarding your request about the EEG of a cloned mammoth being the same as the original. We are cloning mammoths from African elephants, and grafting dragon wings onto them, so it’s not the same thing at all. However, given Our Glorious Leader’s plan concerning his safety and EEG flat lining, I really don’t think this is the sort of thing we should be discussing. Please stand next to the wall there. Not a think to worry about, Old Sod, we are just taking pictures for the Yearbook. Would you like a cigarette? ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208/100 "2008-09-10T08:00:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Still doesn’t make any sense. > > Look, a sunkiller’s bomb may reasonably be assumed to do one of two things. > > 1. Cause the Sun to go supernova, thus destroying the planet which is the bomb’s true target; or > > 2. Cause the Sun to stop radiating heat and light, that is, make it go out like an extinguished candle. > > In either case, the correct response (assuming you cannot disarm or remove the bomb) is to leave the solar system. And you can TAKE the hot chicks on the space ark. That’s why it’s called an “ark,” not a “motorcycle.” Offer accepted. Thank you very much 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-land-will-you-choose-to-be-viceroy-of-after-the-conquest/462208.md?page=6)