# What 'laws' have you come up with? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233 "2017-04-25T18:18:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2017, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/181 "2017-05-08T22:18:36Z")
I drafted some actual laws as part of a bar committee. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![TheseGoToEleven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@TheseGoToEleven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheseGoToEleven)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2017, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/182 "2017-05-10T16:59:51Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > Not me but my father. I call it Dad’s Law: “Never trust a man who says ‘trust me’.” Timely. If only more US voters had heard and listened to that one before last November… ---
**Author:** ![misling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ab097/32.png) [@misling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misling)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2017, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/183 "2017-05-10T21:02:13Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The Ten Percent Rule: No matter how extreme or insane the position, there’s almost always somewhere around 10% of the population that will support it. It’s 27% - the crazification factor, as codified by Kung Fu Monkey blog: [http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/10/lunch-discussions-145-crazification.html](http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/10/lunch-discussions-145-crazification.html) ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2017, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/184 "2017-05-10T21:28:48Z")
Whichever child proclaims their innocence the loudest did it. If you need to tell people you’re shocking and edgy, you’re not. Any movie that uses the word “heartwarming” in the advertising will suck. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2017, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/185 "2017-05-10T23:00:23Z")
The crazification factor implied by that blog is actually 54%. You only get 27% if you assume that _all_ of the crazy people voted for Keyes. It’s a much better model to assume that they choose randomly (they’re crazy, after all), meaning half will be on each candidate. And the facts that there are always more dandelions, and that they always grow back, are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. HOAs, on the other hand, hate us and want us to be miserable. EDIT: > [@](#): > > Whichever child proclaims their innocence the loudest did it. Just yesterday, I was subbing in a class where one of the students came in and helpfully informed me that a particular other student was always a troublemaker. I told her, “Thank you. Now I know who the biggest troublemaker in the class is.”. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2017, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/186 "2017-05-11T00:16:09Z")
> [@mikecurtis](#): > > yea! what the hell is that all about? Probably because their algorithm for the closest parking spot reaches the same result as yours. > [@california\_jobcase](#): > > Probably because it’s the second closest spot. :rolleyes: Or what he said. > [@pohjonen](#): > > Objects gain mass once removed from their original box. I think you mean volume. An item could gain mass by getting heavier but still fit in the original packaging. > [@Annoying\_Buzz](#): > > The most dangerous person on the road is the one who doesn’t know where they’re going, but needs to be there NOW. Oh, hell yeah. They’re the ones who race up in the inside traffic lane, then cross three lanes at the last second to get the off ramp. “Crap, I need to take _that_ exit!” > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I don’t like mushrooms. I don’t use them when I cook, and when I’m eating out they’re usually mentioned on the menu so I can order something without them. And when they do show up, like in some Chinese dishes, they’re easy enough to pick out and dispose of. Restaurants, this is largely the case. When you dine at someone else’s house, however… > [@](#): > > More insidious is the move to add cheese to every hamburger. Order a burger in lots of places, and if I don’t say “no cheese” I will get a cheeseburger. If I’d wanted a cheeseburger, I’d have ordered a cheeseburger. Agreed! ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2017, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/187 "2017-05-11T00:29:31Z")
Don’t bother with menus, I’ll [order for everyone](http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetables-recipes/italian-style-baked-cheesy-mushrooms/). ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2017, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/188 "2017-05-11T14:10:49Z")
If you are slowed down for X minutes on the highway by one of those mysterious highway slow-downs, you are allowed to speed for X minutes once you pass the slow-down point. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2017, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/189 "2017-05-11T20:55:16Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I drafted some actual laws as part of a bar committee. Does that count? I know you mean bar association, not pub, but I can’t help but imagine you were drafting the [Man Laws](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RLCD-PpWqU). ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2017, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/190 "2017-05-11T21:09:46Z")
> [@ASGuy](#): > > (4) My personal fave has no name, but I see **Shodan** has a variant: “If you don’t paint it the first time, you never paint it the second time.” Grandma’s law: Paint it green! If you hear about something you’ve never heard about before, chances are you’ll soon hear about it everywhere. Pizza places that sell good tasting food other than pizza rarely ever sell good tasting pizza.😕 ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/191 "2017-05-12T00:08:22Z")
I haven’t read the rest of this thread because I didn’t feel like it but I do have 2 driving rules I try to live by and usually regret not following. Rule 1: Do not go out of your way to be courteous as a driver. I often break this rule and curse myself for it. I have this rule for two reasons. First, you’re probably inconveniencing other drivers in your effort to be nice. For example, somebody is trying to pull into a busy road and you brake and wave them in front of you. Your sudden and unnecessary action not only delays those behind you who have to wait for this person to pull in but you also risk causing an accident. The second reason is that when I let in someone who’s being pushy or driving unwisely/slow/erratically, I’m now stuck behind someone being pushy or unwise/slow/erratic which now makes my trip worse. Going out of your way usually brings you nothing but grief. Rule 2: Don’t be a total jerk when driving and don’t let Rule 1 make you into one. Rule 1 is about “going out of your way” to be courteous, in other words, doing something unusual to “help” another driver. But that doesn’t mean don’t ever be courteous. Yield or let people in when it’s safe. Be careful and lawful as you drive. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, being nice is very good. Just don’t be stupid in your pursuit of being nice. I suppose my rules of the road could apply to any situation in life but I especially try to apply them when trapped in my heavy speeding death machine surrounded by other heavy speeding death machines. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/192 "2017-05-12T02:02:55Z")
I’d simplify that even more, actually: When driving, be predictable and do what other drivers expect you to do. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/193 "2017-05-12T02:13:00Z")
Melbourne’s rule of Food Nomenclature: If it has the name of a place, (“French Toast”) they don’t eat food made like that. ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/194 "2017-05-12T14:53:42Z")
> [@Mikeisskeptical](#): > > The first person in any argument to introduce the concept of open/closed mindedness, is always provably wrong. > > The more obviously false a claim is, the angrier the claimant will become that you do not immediately accept it as true. > > No matter how often you politely inform someone that you don’t like mushrooms, if you allow them to cook for you, they will cook you mushrooms. Mushroom casserole followed by mushroom crumble with mushroom custard. People who like mushrooms are part of a sinister food cult. They **will** not rest until they convert you. > > If you don’t want to be cooked mushrooms, you have to be rude about it. **Do not** say “it’s fine, I’ll pick them out”. **Do not** believe the lie that they are chopped so finely that “you won’t notice them.” Any concession, hesitation or basic courtesy on your part will be taken as a signal that you secretly adore mushrooms and wouldn’t dream of consuming anything containing less than 70% mushroom. > > You must make it absolutely clear that you will not, under any circumstances ingest any food contaminated with fungus. Try returning the favour by inviting them over one evening and insisting that they’ll “hardly notice” the sand and toenail-clippings you’ve put in their lasagne. Same rule applies to onions. And the corollary: The more mom and dad swear that you will love a food when you grow up, the more you will continue to dislike it. ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/195 "2017-05-12T16:35:08Z")
The greater number of managers in an organization, the great number of SOPs employees have to remember; the greater the number of changes in SOPs; the greater the chance that employees will catch he// from one manager for doing what another manager told them to do; the greater the number of potential tyrants get promoted so they can fulfill their destiny as tyrants. To sum up: The greater the number of managers in an organization, the greater the amount of crap falling on employees. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/196 "2017-05-12T16:40:42Z")
If you wear a white shirt to work, by midmorning you will discover an extremely ripe zit on your shoulder. If you make a great dish, it will not be enough. If it doesn’t turn out, you will have too much. If you have two projects to work on at once, the one that you decide can wait will turn into an emergency. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/197 "2017-05-12T17:06:22Z")
[hijack] > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The rule in my store is three people on line (or one person with a full cart), call another cashier. > > If all the registers are open and the lines are long, someone will ask if you can open another line. My response is always WHERE? Not that I doubt your truthfulness, but … Other than small storefronts with only one or two registers total I don’t think I’ve been inside a retailer with all registers in use in decades. No exaggeration; it’s been decades. The local Home Depot has 8 registers not counting the self-serve set. I’ve never, not even on a crazy Saturday midafternoon in season seen more than 5 staffed. My 3 local grocery stores have about 10 registers each. I’ve never seen more than half the stations staffed. No matter how big the backlog. The local SuperTarget has at least 20 registers. With about 5 staffed at max. Etc. Banks are the same way. Not that I frequent banks but on the rare occasion I go inside a branch I see 6 to 8 teller’s stations. And 2 or 3 tellers. Where pray tell is this mythical land of cashiers sufficient to staff all the registers? Further, given that checkstands cost serious money apiece what with computers, scanners, scales, cash drawers, CC readers, conveyor belts, and all the rest, why do major corporate chain stores and banks provision so many more than they ever use? That’s a lot of wasted capital. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/198 "2017-05-12T19:36:04Z")
I worked in a large bank (a Big 4 company and their largest category classification of retail bank). I think we had 3-4 business windows and 8-10 regular ones. There were times when every window was staffed. You could check it out, for example, on the 1st and 3rd of the month like when Social Security checks come out. I recommend bringing a book or using the ATM if you can. For Home Depot I agree. I’d normally go either around 11 am during the week, or 6-7 pm week and weekdays. There is often only 1-2 registers open, maybe mornings are different but I never see more open. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2017, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/199 "2017-05-12T21:48:24Z")
I don’t believe I’ve ever been to Costco when any registers were not open. Sent from my XT1635-02 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2017, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/200 "2017-05-13T13:47:40Z")
All of our aisle workers are trained to use the cash registers. We have two cashiers, a head cashier, a manager, and at least five aisle workers at work at all times, so yes, sometimes all six registers are open. The 7-11 mentality law: If someone is in the store, I should be allowed to shop there at any hour of the day or night. Never mind the posted hours on the door, on the phone recording, and all the Internet. Makes the opening workers doing clean up and stocking and the night workers doing close up and closing go crazy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=11)