# What 'laws' have you come up with? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233 "2017-04-25T18:18:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/61 "2017-04-26T01:13:04Z")
If a person is sick, takes a purported remedy, and then becomes well, it is _impossible_ to convince that person that there may have been no causal connection between the remedy and the recovery. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/62 "2017-04-26T01:24:31Z")
Waitstaff will always arrive to ask if everything is okay immediately after you stuff food in your mouth and are unable to answer coherently. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/63 "2017-04-26T01:34:38Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > That would be in keeping with the law, yes. 😛 > > Observation: Just because you formulate something, doesn’t mean it’s never been done before. The better a law you come up with is, the more likely it is that some jerk came up with it years ago and posted about it on Usenet. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/64 "2017-04-26T01:41:28Z")
**Martini’s Law** : No matter how reasonable your views or how widespread they are in the wider world, you will inevitably be the only person in a thread espousing them and everyone else in it will think _you’re_ the one with unconventional stance. My current signature is part of an attempt to address this situation. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/65 "2017-04-26T01:49:19Z")
**Mustard’s #1 Law of Work** : If you identify a problem (or, og forbid, a potential solution), you will be put in charge of its resolution. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/66 "2017-04-26T01:54:29Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > **Martini’s Law** : No matter how reasonable your views or how widespread they are in the wider world, you will inevitably be the only person in a thread espousing them and everyone else in it will think _you’re_ the one with unconventional stance… I agree completely. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/67 "2017-04-26T01:56:19Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I agree completely. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/68 "2017-04-26T01:57:22Z")
Some friends and I once played off Roger Ebert’s Rule of Conservation of Characters, and came up with a bunch of laws for solving TV, movie and novel murders. Ebert’s Rule is that because there isn’t money in a TV or film budget to hire a lot of extraneous actors, anyone who doesn’t seem to be contributing much to the plot is probably there to be revealed as the killer at the end; see, eg, the aunt in _The Killing_. Other rules: The 15 minute rule: Anyone arrested before the first commercial didn’t do it. The Elliot Stabler Rule: The amount of abuse a cop heaps on a suspect during initial questioning is in reverse proportion to the likelihood that he is guilty. The Roger Ackroyd Rule: With one notable exception, a 1st person narrator never did it. Chekhov’s language: If someone points out that the victim’s native language wasn’t English-- especially if someone \*discovers \*the fact-- it will be a key in solving the crime. Monograms are never what they appear to be. Unlike in real life, the rock-solider an alibi, the more likely the guy with it is guilty. CORROLARY: the guy who was at home alone watching TV, and can’t remember the show definitely didn’t do it. That’s all I can remember now, but we had a long list. I tested it out for a while, and got really good at solving anything, from _Monk_ to _The Closer_, to _Criminal Minds_. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/69 "2017-04-26T02:01:02Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > **Mustard’s #1 Law of Work** : If you identify a problem (or, og forbid, a potential solution), you will be put in charge of its resolution. > mmm Also, if you complain about something (like skipping the haftarah at a renewal service) you will be put in charge of making sure thing doesn’t happen again (or, how I endlessly read haftarot at the renewal services until I quit attending the renewal service). ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/70 "2017-04-26T02:35:06Z")
> [@](#): > > If you put multiple questions in an e-mail or other communication, all but one will be ignored and not answered. This one is definitely right, and is why I never bother with communicating with a help desk via email. Inevitably, one can be facing a problem that takes at least two sentences (or maybe even three) to fully describe. However, the help desk weenie will stop reading your description at the first period, and address that first sentence only. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/71 "2017-04-26T02:42:48Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > The Roger Ackroyd Rule: With one notable exception, a 1st person narrator never did it. I can think of at least one instance. _Very_ dark comedy. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/72 "2017-04-26T03:41:41Z")
A few of riffs on Clarke’s Third Law: [ul] [li]Any sufficiently mature technology will be as intuitive to use as a flashlight.[/li][li]Any sufficiently elaborate simulation is indistinguishable from reality.[/li][li]Any sufficiently complex decision-making system is indistinguishable from free will.[/li][/ul] Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/73 "2017-04-26T04:06:49Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Also, if you complain about something (like skipping the haftarah at a renewal service) you will be put in charge of making sure thing doesn’t happen again (or, how I endlessly read haftarot at the renewal services until I quit attending the renewal service). Definitely this one. My husband’s version of this goes: If you complain about shit not getting done, you will be the one cleaning it up (which is why he ends up scooping the dog poop). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/74 "2017-04-26T04:12:45Z")
Law of pervasive prescriptivist peevery: Any thread like this eventually gets hijacked by a language prescriptivist sneaking in a “law” which is really just a pet peeve about the ignorant _hoi polloi_ not talking proper. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/75 "2017-04-26T04:16:49Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Some friends and I once played off Roger Ebert’s Rule of Conservation of Characters, and came up with a bunch of laws for solving TV, movie and novel murders… > > Other rules:… Approximately 10% of the US population are serial killers. Unless captured in a single episode, _all_ these serial killers will target the cops/FBI who are trying to catch them. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/76 "2017-04-26T04:27:39Z")
Rules are to guide the wise and command the foolish. OR: Wisdom is knowing when to beak the rules. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/77 "2017-04-26T05:45:15Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Law of pervasive prescriptivist peevery: > > Any thread like this eventually gets hijacked by a language prescriptivist sneaking in a “law” which is really just a pet peeve about the ignorant _hoi polloi_ not talking proper. Properly. Did I do it right? > [@Riemann](#): > > Approximately 10% of the US population are serial killers. > > Unless captured in a single episode, _all_ these serial killers will target the cops/FBI who are trying to catch them. It seems really unrealistic in _Dexter_ that he encounters so many serial killers and other murderers. Until you realize that it takes place in Florida, so if anything the estimate of Floridian killers is rather low in the show. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/78 "2017-04-26T05:54:43Z")
I came up with this one around age 6 before I realized that many others had beaten me to it: **If you always tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.** Not for any ethical reasons, mind you. I’m just too lazy to lie. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/79 "2017-04-26T07:08:14Z")
**Grr’s law of receiving texts while driving:** If you receive a text while driving, every stoplight you pass will be green. And conversely, if you receive NO texts while driving, every stoplight you come upon will be red. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/80 "2017-04-26T11:48:26Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > That would be in keeping with the law, yes. 😛 > > Observation: Just because you formulate something, doesn’t mean it’s never been done before. > [@chorpler](#): > > The better a law you come up with is, the more likely it is that some jerk came up with it years ago and posted about it on Usenet. [Stigler’s Law of Eponymy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigler%27s_law_of_eponymy) comes close. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=5)