# What 'laws' have you come up with? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233 "2017-04-25T18:18:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/141 "2017-05-01T20:24:14Z")
one trip to the hardware store is never enough! mc ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2017, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/142 "2017-05-01T20:34:21Z")
> [@mikecurtis](#): > > one trip to the hardware store is never enough! > > mc How true. I don’t go that often, but if I need to go to Home Depot for something, I’ll have to go at least 1 more time, and often 2 more. And it’s often not a case of forgetting something or learning that I need something else for the same project, but often the 3 visits are for completely different things. ---
**Author:** ![Marlonius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Marlonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlonius)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2017, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/143 "2017-05-01T20:40:24Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > “As the number of ‘help wanted’ signs in fast food and retail stores increase, the closer the local economy comes to collapse.” That’s the opposite of my Hamburger Law of economic health: the more screwed up my order and indifferent the service, the better the local economy is doing. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2017, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/144 "2017-05-01T22:26:52Z")
> [@mikecurtis](#): > > one trip to the hardware store is never enough! > > mc That, Sir, is a Law of Nature, you may not claim it as your own. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Doubticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e56c9b/32.png) [@Doubticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doubticus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/145 "2017-05-02T00:04:24Z")
Many are afraid of the eternity of death without realizing they were dead for an eternity prior to being born. ---
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/146 "2017-05-02T00:06:35Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > That, Sir, is a Law of Nature, you may not claim it as your own. :dubious: alas, tis true. twas but knowledge passed unto me from my father and his father before him. the origin of this wisdom has been lost to the ages, but legend has it that Abraham passed it on to his son (after that whole unfortunate sacrifice misunderstanding). i cannot claim its authorship, but i can attest to its veracity! mc ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/147 "2017-05-02T00:16:05Z")
1. The quieter the children play … the more mischief they’re into … 2. Never trust a teen girl dressed in red going to grandma’s house through the woods … 3. If it ain’t broke, you’re not trying hard enough … 4. Scrap wood is _always_ an eighth inch too short … ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/148 "2017-05-02T00:39:18Z")
> [@Doubticus](#): > > Many are afraid of the eternity of death without realizing they were dead for an eternity prior to being born. Yeah, but they didn’t have TV or internet then, so who cares? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/149 "2017-05-02T01:23:48Z")
> [@Annoying\_Buzz](#): > > Anyone who says “Are you calling me a liar?”, is a liar. And a bad one. “No, I’m just saying that if bullshit was fried chicken, you’d be Colonel Sanders”. > [@](#): > > The closer a lie is to the truth, the better the lie. The truth is the best lie of all. The truth presented in the most misleading possible manner is the best lie of all. (As in Count Dooku telling Obi-Wan that Palpatine is secretly plotting to take over the galaxy). ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/150 "2017-05-02T01:43:27Z")
> [@mikecurtis](#): > > alas, tis true. twas but knowledge passed unto me from my father and his father before him. the origin of this wisdom has been lost to the ages, but legend has it that Abraham passed it on to his son (after that whole unfortunate sacrifice misunderstanding). i cannot claim its authorship, but i can attest to its veracity! > > mc “Now, Issac, we don’t have to tell your Mother about this.” ---
**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/151 "2017-05-02T01:48:24Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > “Now, Issac, we don’t have to tell your Mother about this.” and now i have to clean cola off of my keyboard, thankyouverymuch! mc ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/152 "2017-05-02T01:49:33Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Sailboat’s First Law of Dog Walking: The more interested the dog appears in something on the ground, the more urgent it is that you prevent the dog from actually reaching it. _shudder_ This is my favorite post so far. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/153 "2017-05-02T02:21:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > The excellent part of this is it makes sitting down and cracking open a beer part of the implementation and review process! I honestly hadn’t thought of it that way. Largely because on my Second Law of Dandelions: The little bastards always grow back. So I figure I can deal with the lone\* survivor the next time I have to have a go at them. \*Not actually “lone”, see the first law. > [@watchwolf49](#): > > 1. Scrap wood is _always_ an eighth inch too short … Yeah! I’ve been building some benches recently, and just tonight decided to make a table out of the scrap pieces. I had some weird angled off-cuts that I thought would make good low-weight legs. Of course it ended up about an inch shorter than would have really fit the benches. But it _is_ just the right height to put a small cooler on, so now it’s the Official Small Cooler Table. Not bad for something I otherwise would have tossed in the fire. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2017, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/154 "2017-05-02T12:40:24Z")
> [@mikecurtis](#): > > and now i have to clean cola off of my keyboard, thankyouverymuch! > > mc I try to spread Joy and Happiness where ever I go. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2017, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/155 "2017-05-04T07:49:30Z")
Law of the Second Sock : If one of your socks has a hole in it, it will always be the second that you put on. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/156 "2017-05-05T20:24:24Z")
Law of Pretentious Steakhouse Menus: the more high-end the steak house, the more confusing the menu will be. There will be Gratuitous French (they’re not green beans, they’re haricot verts). There will be an overabundance of adjectives- your ribeye doesn’t just come on a bed of kale, it’s _lacinato_ kale. And there will probably be emulsions and reductions somewhere. In the really swanky places, you need the waiter to translate every other item. I went to the fanciest place in town for a birthday dinner yesterday, and I swear to Og, at one point the waitress described a dish as “basically a deconstruction of a Ceasar salad, but higher class.” ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2017, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/157 "2017-05-05T20:45:14Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Law of Pretentious Steakhouse Menus: the more high-end the steak house, the more confusing the menu will be. There will be Gratuitous French (they’re not green beans, they’re haricot verts). There will be an overabundance of adjectives- your ribeye doesn’t just come on a bed of kale, it’s _lacinato_ kale. And there will probably be emulsions and reductions somewhere. In the really swanky places, you need the waiter to translate every other item. > > I went to the fanciest place in town for a birthday dinner yesterday, and I swear to Og, at one point the waitress described a dish as “basically a deconstruction of a Ceasar salad, but higher class.” Prices will not have any cents - 15.00 will be written 15, 17.50 will be written 17.5 Then there’s the places that describe a dish solely by the ingredients in it, almost certainly requiring waiter assistance to translate. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2017, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/158 "2017-05-05T21:51:21Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Prices will not have any cents - 15.00 will be written 15, 17.50 will be written 17.5 _looks up the menu of the place from last night_ Huh, you’re right. Almost right. They don’t even have any decimals in their prices. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2017, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/159 "2017-05-05T22:09:31Z")
The more interesting a show is I’m watching on PBS, the more my wife will need to tell me a pointless story. The less interesting a story is she hears on NPR, the more she needs to repeat it to me. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2017, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233/160 "2017-05-06T13:53:31Z")
Laws of Cashiering: 1. If you’re the only line open with only the one customer you’re waiting on, someone will come up and say “Can you open another line?” 2. If you’re waiting on a customer, someone will come up and say “Are you open?” 3. If your light is off, the This Register is Closed sign in out and you are there with another person counting the piles of money on the counter, someone will come up and ask “Are you open?” or just start putting their items on the counter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-laws-have-you-come-up-with/785233.md?page=9)