Some good ones so far, and God yes on the lottery thing. These guys slow the whole line. Dude, it doesn’t matter which scratch-off you buy. It is still the worst bet in town. Save your money and head to Vegas for crissakes. You’ll get better odds and free drinks.
Anyone that pays with a check in this day and age. They are always oldsters or deranged looking. And it only seems to dawn on them after the order has been fully checked and bagged that they actually need to get the checkbook out and start filling in things. Look, Henrietta, this is not 1971. Agnew is long gone from the White House. You are not at “Alpha-Beta”. “The Singing Strings” instrumental of “The Look of Love” is not on the PA. You won’t be receiving any “Green Stamps” with your order. Put that goddamn checkbook away and pay with plastic like a normal person.
Broke-ass people at the bank that just can’t believe they don’t have any funds. They get all loud and angry and prolong it and hold up the line. “I made the deposit yesterday!” or the ever popular “They did it for me last time!” aren’t going to cut it, no matter how much you repeat it. You can even threaten to close your account, or ask to see the manager. They aren’t going to give you money that isn’t in your account, and you are just embarrassing yourself and making everyone else wait. Or maybe you will be the first person that I have ever seen it happen to. 
So, please, just cut to the chase and walk out in a huff, muttering under your breath.
Fast food folks that are dumb as boards. “I would like a number one with a medium diet coke.” “Ok, a number one, what would you like to drink with that?” “A diet coke” “Would you like to make that a medium or large?” :smack:
Packaging that doesn’t function. Is it too much to ask for a bag of cookies that doesn’t rip all to pieces when you open it, eliminating all hope of reclosability? Pepperidge Farm, I am looking at you. Or the kind of deli goods that come with a built in ziploc. It seems half the time you open the ziploc for the first time, it just rips away from the side of the bag, to hang useless and defiant.
Drivers. Well, to elaborate-
People who when turning left, instead of pulling into the intersection linger at the white line, preventing anyone behind them from turning when the light changes.
People who have 200 ft to get over to the right before making a turn, but instead pull right at the last second, then slow and stop with the ass end of their car blocking an entire traffic lane that must then wait until the pedestrians clear just before the light goes red, at which point there is just time for THEM to squeeze through before opposing traffic floods the intersection. Which leads me into…
Pedestrians that ignore the “Don’t Walk”. Look you stupid ass, you may think “hey, I’ll just walk a little faster and still make it, no harm, no foul” but what you don’t realize you little self-centered moron, is that the “Don’t Walk” also serves the purpose of allowing motorists to actually turn right at some point in the light cycle in this gridlocked city. Sorry you can’t even get it together enough to save the couple of thousand dollars it takes to get a used car, but the fact you are an abject loser doesn’t mean you have right of way. I don’t care if it is raining. If you are walking in LA, you have bigger problems than getting across the street two minutes sooner. You should be re-examining your whole pathetic life, which, by the way, may be over sooner than you think, because we kill a lot of pedestrians in this city.
The yuppie scum that block traffic on Alameda past San Fernando turning into the Trader Joe’s parking lot. You bought a damn SUV, ya think you could traverse the driveway into the parking lot at a speed greater than .03 MPH? Or did the Range Rover fail to proceed and require road service from an authorized dealer the last time you went over a bump?
Pickup trucks. They deserve a whole pit thread. Why does it seem that any guy driving one of those pickups on lifts with oversized tires is probably a spousal abuser? They drive those trucks like they are in an episode of “Rat Patrol” or something. Dude, you are making a left and pulling into a Texaco, not chasing the Desert Fox.
What bugs me the most, though, is why is it that when it is nighttime, even if I am in the middle lane of the freeway and there is no traffic so you are free to just easily pass me on the left, do you come right up on my ass with your overbright headlights glaring, slow down, tailgate obnoxiously for a time, and then roar around me? Are you expecting me to meekly pull out of your way? Ladies, take note. If you date one of these big wheel pickup guys, get ready for a few shiners.
Actually, this doesn’t piss ME off, but today I was cut off by an Armenian who pulled out in front of me so obnoxiously I had to hit the brakes. He then raced up to the next red and came to a stop. As the light turned green, I sailed past him. This put his little Armenian knickers in a twist and he gave it the gas and swerved around me with a mighty engine roar. When it became evident that the next light was changing and the same thing would happen to him again, he thought “damn the torpedoes” and rolled through the intersection a full three seconds after the light had gone red. Cross traffic had begun to enter the intersection.
THIS HAPPENS IN GLENDALE ALL THE TIME. Someday I am going to cause a bad accident by driving like a normal person around these folks. Fortunately, I won’t be involved, except as a witness to testify to the asshattery. What is with Armenian dudes anyway? Drive past one and it’s like you cut their balls off. Must have some real problems in bed, or something. Their manhood seems perpetually challenged.
I could go on for pages but these are the ones that come to mind. Hope to hear some more.
