# What makes a good parent? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 19, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408 "2011-11-19T02:47:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/1 "2011-11-19T02:47:01Z")
Answer as you see fit. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/2 "2011-11-19T04:35:59Z")
Loving your child unconditionally and treating them with kindness, while at the same time setting healthy boundaries and being a parent first, rather than just a friend. Being interested in them for who they are, not just as an extension of yourself or a reflection on you. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/3 "2011-11-19T07:14:26Z")
Don’t treat them like an adult if they are still a child. Don’t treat them like a child if they are an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/4 "2011-11-19T07:34:58Z")
Being a good parent necessarily involves meeting the child’s needs (a la [Maslow’s Hierarchy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs)); this covers a LOT of ground towards good parenting. But it’s not the whole picture, of course. Also vital but perhaps not covered under Maslow’s categories: -providing an ethical/moral education, encouraging selflessness and civic-mindedness and instilling a respect for all living things -giving the child a sense of being loved, and of stability and security -modeling healthy romantic and familial and social relationships -educating: fostering intellectual development, critical thinking, and curiosity -teaching personal responsibility, in all senses of that term …and maybe most importantly, of all, spending quality TIME with the child! So, to sum up: Maslow, and teaching the child to seek the Good, the True, and the Beautiful in life. Yeah, that about covers it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/5 "2011-11-19T08:29:54Z")
Letting my 12 year old kid stay up tonight to watch Scary Movie 2 - at least, that’s what \*she \*says. But I’m making her pay off the PSP (at least until Christmas). ETA, all the good answers were taken. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/6 "2011-11-19T15:38:55Z")
Most of what was said above, plus recognizing that the child is her own person with her own agenda, while not forgetting that you as a parent are also a person with an agenda that counts. Figuring out whose needs are more important in any given situation is tough. I think Attachment Parenting is so popular because it eliminates these decisions, always making the child’s need trump the parent’s. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/7 "2011-11-20T16:39:21Z")
I raised three and they all turned out extremely well, so I sometimes think I should have answers to the question, but I haven’t the foggiest. My wife always describes out parenting style as “benign neglect”. One thing I do know is that we started out spanking (I was spanked and I assumed that was how you did it), but it wasn’t working with my son whose behavior got only worse after he was spanked. My wife and I sat down and decided to try not spanking. His behavior improved qquite suddenly and dramatically and we never spanked again. Punishment consisted of “Go up to your room!”. If they didn’t we would start to count slowly to 10 and this always worked. Neither we nor they had any idea what happened at 10, but they didn’t want to find out (neither did we). One other departure from what appears to be SOP. We never got involved with their homework. I felt (and feel) that the only true discipline is self-discipline. There was only one exception. I got an email from my son asking for help with a question in linear algebra. I thought about it and sent him an answer that he duly turned in (crediting me with help), but it was much more sophisticated than what was intended (he hadn’t thought to mention that the only coefficients were real, while my solution worked for all fields). All I can say is that they were very easy to raise. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-good-parent/603408/8 "2011-11-20T17:59:59Z")
Give them freedom and responsibility. I HATE helicopter parents who never give their kids a moment’s freedom or responsibility. Let the kids fall down (literally and figuratively) and teach them how to get themselves up. I was talking to another mom whose kid is going to start high school next year (as is mine) and she was bemoaning that she thinks he is too irresponsible to go to high school. I know her and she never gives that child the tiniest bit of responsibility. How can you learn to be responsible if you’re never given the opportunity to do so?