# What makes a marriage real?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-marriage-real/629997>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 31, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-marriage-real/629997 "2012-07-31T22:28:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-marriage-real/629997/21 "2012-08-01T17:07:56Z")

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> [@Voyager](#):
>
> I don’t understand what the OP means by “real.” If it means legal, then sure, if the paperwork is done it doesn’t matter what happens. Sex isn’t important, not anymore. There are cases of people who love one another, have no sex, but still have a real marriage.

That’s actually the question I was working towards. We have 2 versions of “real” when it comes to marriage, they can be applied in totally different situations, and we have no vocabulary to seperate them.

There is the legal definition - valid when the paperwork is filled out, and no commitment required. It’s about the legal and financial effects.

Then there is the cultural definition - in my experience, requiring a level of emotional committement to each other, and for some, present even if the legal requirements aren’t met. MY SO and I have been together for 20 years, without bothering with the paperwork. Our friends and family treat us as a married couple.

How can we expect to have a country wide discussion about marriage, when we don’t have a working definition?

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**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-a-marriage-real/629997/22 "2012-08-01T18:01:55Z")

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> [@Der\_Trihs](#):
>
> Someone opens the box and looks at the pair of you. Until then, you are both married and unmarried.

And married to a cat, much less.

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