# What makes someone a slut? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986 "2005-04-25T06:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/21 "2005-04-25T13:47:57Z")
When a woman changes partners frequently or has sex a bit too quick for societies “moral” values she is labeled a slut. I personally hate that notion. One way to avoid “slut” labels is being discrete about your affairs. Its ok to have a lot of sex… but try being discrete and make sure your partners won’t blab too much either. Otherwise don’t bother with what others say. The girl I knew that was definitely a bit too easy getting to bed… now has a new baby at age 30 and is in a stable relationship. She is quite square now and happy. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/22 "2005-04-25T13:49:33Z")
I once heard the following analysis of the double standard, which I do NOT necessarily belive is valid. I post it here only for purposes of discussion: > [@](#): > > To sleep with a hundred different guys, a woman merely has to say “yes” one hundred times. This is not hard, even if you do have to hold your nose a few times. > > To sleep with a hundred different women, a guy has to convince a hundred different women to sleep with him. This is such a difficult task that you have to respect the guy’s powers of pursuasion. Any takers? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/23 "2005-04-25T13:51:38Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > A slut has had more sex than you but doesn’t want to have sex with you. > > Or at least that’s an explanation I’ve read. +1 here, too. To me, the definition says as much about the “accuser” as it does the person being accused of slut-hood (sluttiness?). About the only things I am inclined to be concerned about in a person’s behavior that might be truly “slutty” are: - If they have sex without protection indiscriminately - If they talk about it too much (subjective, I know…) - If they seem to have the sex to mess things up with a variety of people - i.e., it is more of a power play than just a joy of sex… My $.02 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/24 "2005-04-25T14:08:58Z")
> [@UnwrittenNocturne](#): > > The quote posted by **matt\_mcl** strikes me as spot on. What the hell is a ‘slut’ but someone who enjoys sex? What is wrong with that? Really, is there any real difference between sleeping with a lot of people because you enjoy sex and any other activity? > > Why anyone would feel shame at this completely natural behaviour is beyond me. > –UnwrittenNocturne (who lost count years ago and is NOT ashamed) Oh, I have racks full of issues. That’s how. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/25 "2005-04-25T14:15:42Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I say we adopt this as the definitive definition of slut. I like it. I shall share it wantonly. I shall become a slut definition slut. The way we always put it is that a slut is a woman who will sleep with anybody; a bitch is one who will sleep with anybody but you! 😃 It usually means anybody who is getting laid more than you are. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/26 "2005-04-25T14:20:08Z")
A long time ago I saw a definition that made sense to me: a slut is someone who has sex without regard to the effects it might have on eir partners. Merely flirting or openly enjoying sex or having sex frequently or having sex with many different people wasn’t enough: sluttiness also involved a wilful disregard of context, health issues, whether someone was cheating, etc. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/27 "2005-04-25T14:44:29Z")
OK just to be wilful. I have never had any interest in the LIFE of my sexual partners (bar those I chose to continued a relationship with). If THEY were cheating it concerned THEM not me. I didn’t ask if they were married. I didn’t care if they were married (I didn’t want to march down the aisle with them) I didn’t expect them to say they were married. I was after a bonk. They were after a bonk. Only one of us knew if they were married. It is about time married women stopped blaming the “other” woman if the man they love and trust cheats. The “other” woman did nothing wrong. He was the one cheating. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/28 "2005-04-25T14:50:35Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > It is about time married women stopped blaming the “other” woman if the man they love and trust cheats. > > The “other” woman did nothing wrong. He was the one cheating. Totally agree. I have no obligation to honor vows or promises made by someone else, to someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/29 "2005-04-25T15:26:07Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > I was after a bonk. Oh, you manky, manky girl! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/30 "2005-04-25T15:28:42Z")
**What makes someone a slut?** Unless someone is purposefully reclaiming the term (see **mattmcl** ’s great post), I would say that other people’s perceptions make you a slut. If you hang out with virgins and have one sexual partner, you can be a slut. Heck, you don’t even have to be having intercourse; if you’re the girl who gets a little drunk and kisses people at parties, you can be a slut. Unless you’re applying the word to yourself, it’s all about other people judging you and wanting to label your behavior as unfavorable. So, if you’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re a slut, you just need to wonder what you’re doing that’s got everyone else so envious. _waggles eyebrows_ ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/31 "2005-04-25T16:20:06Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > Oh, you manky, manky girl! 😉 Hey we have to be manky sometimes 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/32 "2005-04-25T16:22:58Z")
I don’t truly care how many people others sleep with. That’s not any of my concern. To me, a slut is someone that uses their body to get what they want out of another person without any care or concern to that person. And I hate them for it. Women who do that give all of us a bad name. Men who do it just perpetuate sterotypes. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/33 "2005-04-25T16:32:44Z")
> [@moi](#): > > **What makes someone a slut?** > > Unless someone is purposefully reclaiming the term (see **mattmcl** ’s great post), I would say that other people’s perceptions make you a slut. If you hang out with virgins and have one sexual partner, you can be a slut. Heck, you don’t even have to be having intercourse; if you’re the girl who gets a little drunk and kisses people at parties, you can be a slut. \* I have to disagree. While it is subjective, someone simply thinking you a slut (or man-ho) does not make it so. I would say that where girls are concerned, a “slut” is someone who’s only way of deriving self-worth is through sleeping around. For example, a girl who dates a lot and thusly sleeps with a lot of guys is not a slut. A girl who sleeps with half the guys in a fraternity just so they will like having her hang out would be a slut. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/34 "2005-04-25T17:02:03Z")
And when does the club convene to decide if she just likes it or she wants them to like her? Funnily enough we can decide that ourselves. Some of us girlies are just as blokey as you are 😃 ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/35 "2005-04-25T17:04:54Z")
But how do you know these girls’ motivations, **msmith**? Either of the girls in your scenarios could be sleeping around out of desparation or each could just really like sex and experimenting with different partners. It’s exactly this sort of projecting or making assumptions about another’s sexuality that leads to people being labeled as sluts. In this scenario, one girl escapes because she only indulges in sex in acceptable relationships. IMHO, that says a lot more about your standards for what is acceptable than either of the fictional girls. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/36 "2005-04-25T17:24:53Z")
I love sluts. And I also completely agree with **matt\_mcl’s** quote. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/37 "2005-04-25T17:29:07Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > If you realised that I am exceptionaly careful about my child never having an “uncle” or him never feeling that a family of two was a bad thing, well then I’m not a slut. > > My child probably thinks I’m a nun. It works for us. Better for me to “get busy” when he is nowhere to be seen and be a slut when he is not around, then to be desperate for company and introduce him to Uncle-Whoever. **calm kiwi** , let me take this opportunity to complement you for being a responsible and caring parent. This is a particular bugaboo of mine for reasons best left unstated, so I’m glad to see someone acknowledging the issue. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/38 "2005-04-25T18:18:31Z")
The Slut Conclave[sup]TM[/sup] has met and decided that sluts love you back, **Yonkeroo**. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/39 "2005-04-25T22:16:27Z")
42 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986/40 "2005-04-25T22:28:52Z")
In the interest of fighting ignorance, any cute female who wishes to have her sluttiness confirmed or denied is encouraged to contact me via email. Offer not valid in Wisconsin. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-makes-someone-a-slut/300986.md?page=3)