# What mostly-useless superpowers do you still covet? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 19, 2006, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343 "2006-08-19T14:28:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/21 "2006-08-20T20:18:43Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] You would be paid…exactly nothing. In Academia, _as a general rule_, if you do not have a degree in something, it is not admitted that you know anything of importance. [/QUOTE] Yeah, and the university whose got the guy who can translate anything, including all scraps of unknown languages, flawlessly, gets some major fame. This is the guy who can go out and read languages you’ve never heard of. He can probably interpret cave paintings - and thinkg of the boon to criminal justice (the aforementioned body language)! Besides, if you want a degree, you can easily pass any and all language courses. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/22 "2006-08-20T20:28:17Z")
[QUOTE=smiling bandit] Yeah, and the university whose got the guy who can translate anything, including all scraps of unknown languages, flawlessly, gets some major fame. This is the guy who can go out and read languages you’ve never heard of. He can probably interpret cave paintings - and thinkg of the boon to criminal justice (the aforementioned body language)! Besides, if you want a degree, you can easily pass any and all language courses. [/QUOTE] That’ll do you fine for the bachelor’s, but for a doctorate in linguistics, you’d have to make “an original contribution to human knowledge.” I’m not sure Doug’s powers will allow him to do that any easier than the next schmo. On the other hand, I’m not sure why Doug & Forge’s entirely intellectual abilities count as super-powers, but Reed Richard’s, Tony Stark’s, and Victor Von Doom’s do not. ---
**Author:** ![Talula\_St.John](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Talula\_St.John](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talula_St.John)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/23 "2006-08-20T21:20:33Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] Rent ad space on your body! A few extra bucks, at all events. [/QUOTE] What, like NASCAR? That’s worse than useless, it’s _tacky_. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/24 "2006-08-20T21:27:56Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] On the other hand, I’m not sure why Doug & Forge’s entirely intellectual abilities count as super-powers, but Reed Richard’s, Tony Stark’s, and Victor Von Doom’s do not. [/QUOTE] Because what Forge and Ramsey do is intuitive, not intellectual. Richard or Doom have to _figure out_ how to build their uber-gizmos, and the principles underlying them. Forge doesn’t; he just “knows” how to do it. Or at least that’s how the explanation went in those old _Marvel Universe_ comics. ---
**Author:** ![Baffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/25 "2006-08-20T22:02:56Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] No. It would always point North. What if the girl was to the West? [/QUOTE] Circle ninety degrees? ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/26 "2006-08-20T22:09:35Z")
Who wouldn’t like to be [Bouncing Boy](http://members.shaw.ca/legion_roll_call/legionnaires/bouncing_boy/)? What a great party trick. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/27 "2006-08-20T23:05:38Z")
Plateau Eyes (Niven/Known Space). You could probably make money off it, but with the members of the opposite sex that you could attract, why bother? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/28 "2006-08-21T13:45:53Z")
[QUOTE=Fish] That kind of super-translation power would be useful only if you could _understand_ what you were reading, in terms of grammar and syntax and vocabulary, as opposed to magically understanding what the sentence translates to without understanding its components. I mean, if you looked at the word “a” it could mean a bunch of different things in eighty different languages, since the syllable is so simple. You’d need context to understand it. Your use as a human Rosetta stone would be limited if you couldn’t find some old, dead language and _show other people_ how you arrived at your result, wouldn’t it? You know, point to the sixth word in the fourth sentence and say, “And this word means ‘sun.’” [/QUOTE] Right, wouldn’t it be a Cassandra-like curse if you could only understand the content of the message, without being able to actually deconstruct the language? Because if you can’t break it down and give someone a grammar and vocabulary then how could you convince anyone else that this bit of Linear A really means what you think it does? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/29 "2006-08-21T15:32:22Z")
You know, in the X-men universe there should be all kinds of mutants who don’t get something cool or useful. Something like a guy, who looks entirely normal, but sweats olive brine and has can’t see the color red. Really for every guy who gets an admantium skeleton and claws there should be a person with something equally uninteresting. The world is not full of winners. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/30 "2006-08-21T15:40:21Z")
I had a conversation this weekend about swimming in the sea off Sellafield, Britain’s biggest power station. “You’d grown another head!” said one friend. “Or get bitten by a radioactive prawn!” said another “…and gain superpowers!” said a third. I then speculated that Prawnman would, at the first sign of danger, douse himself in a lime and coriander marinade, and leap onto a grill. I think that qualifies as mostly-useless, doesn’t it - though it could be used to distract a super-villain or large monster, if they happened to be hungry at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/31 "2006-08-21T16:15:33Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] You know, in the X-men universe there should be all kinds of mutants who don’t get something cool or useful. Something like a guy, who looks entirely normal, but sweats olive brine and has can’t see the color red. Really for every guy who gets an admantium skeleton and claws there should be a person with something equally uninteresting. The world is not full of winners. [/QUOTE] I recall a mutant like that I one X-Man comic; he could only see in the infrared ( or was it ultraviolet ), was blind in the normal spectrum, and had to wear special glasses outside to avoid blindness. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/32 "2006-08-21T16:26:55Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] I recall a mutant like that I one X-Man comic; he could only see in the infrared ( or was it ultraviolet ), was blind in the normal spectrum, and had to wear special glasses outside to avoid blindness. [/QUOTE] But even that could be spun up to be useful (like seeing bad guys in the dark. You could call him Recon Man or some such). I’m thinking about something more along the lines of a person with say prehensile hair, but it’s not really strong or anything. He’d just be “Perfectly Coiffed Man” or something that’s really just not all that useful. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/33 "2006-08-21T16:31:59Z")
Here’s the Legion of Substitute Heores- all of whom aren’t quite up to full SH prowress. > **[Legion of Substitute Heroes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legion_of_Substitute_Heroes)** > > The Legion of Substitute Heroes are a group of fictional characters in the future of the DC Comics universe. The "Subs", as they are often called, are rejected Legion of Super-Heroes applicants who band together to prove that their powers are not as useless as they claim. They first appeared in Adventure Comics #306 (March 1963), and were created by Edmond Hamilton and John Forte. > The group were depicted as reasonably effective superheroes until Keith Giffen, during his tenure as Legion writer, ... Of these, I’d have to say that "Chlorophyll Kid, … has the power to make plants grow super fast. " could be very usefull, and you could make a nice spot of change doing it, but hardly “super”. I’d go for it. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343/34 "2006-08-21T16:50:21Z")
I’d like to be able to temporarily sprout foot-long, glowing stalks from my skin for night-time bicycling. Turning broadleaf weeds into small, hungry toads would be entertaining. It would be nice to turn a car stereo into a porcupine from a distance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-mostly-useless-superpowers-do-you-still-covet/369343.md?page=1)