# What movie would you recast... with Muppets? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 24, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423 "2004-11-24T05:25:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/1 "2004-11-24T05:25:56Z")
There is a television remake of _The Wizard of Oz_ coming out next year with an [all Muppet cast](http://imdb.com/title/tt0422778/). So, given the complete cooperation of the appropriate copyright holders and the Jim Henson estate, what movies would you recast with Muppets? My choices: _The Muppet Passion of the Christ_- Kermit was born to play the Messiah, though I can’t decide if Miss Piggy should be Mary Magdalene or the femme-fatale Satan from the Gibson version. Either way, it should definitely be in Aramaic (with Scooter constantly complaining about the phlegm), Statler & Waldorf should be high priests (though with strapped on hooked noses) and the Swedish Chef is a natural for Pontius Pilate (“herdy diddly oofer merk flergen zee Bar Abbas?”) _The Muppet Birth of a Nation_- when Beaker and his fellow liberated lab assistants kidnap a hoopskirted Miss Piggy to be the queen of their all geek nation, it’s Gen’l Beauregard E. Kermit and his dancing Klan-Klan boys to the rescue. _Citizen Kermit_- Scooter must ascertain through interviews and flashbacks the meaning of mysterious reclusive ex-billionaire Charles Foster Kermit’s last word “Porkbud”. Miss Piggy stars as the alcoholic ex-wife for whom Kermit built the world’s largest music hall, “The Pig Parlor”. Through the magic of screen splitting, Agnes Moorehead still plays Citizen’s mother. _The Muppet Fight Club_- when Kermit meets Oscar the Grouch on a plane after losing himself in the heaving boobs of Animal, a genius idea is born that revitalizes the testosterone culture. _Muppet Fiction_- “Does my house say dead muppet storage?” (Strangely, Tarantino appears in _Muppet Wizard of Oz_.) _The Muppet in Winter_- Kermit lets the multifaced Miss Piggy out of prison for Christmas and their sons (bisexual warlike Sam the Eagle, cold and calculating Fozzie and immature whiner Gonzo) must battle each other and Prince Rowlf in a family’s last chance for love and European domination. Your turn. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/2 "2004-11-24T05:34:37Z")
_Treasure Island_ ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/3 "2004-11-24T05:42:56Z")
Boogie Nights! Kermit can play the up and coming porn star. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/4 "2004-11-24T05:46:53Z")
_Apocalypse Now_, with Kermit going up the river to terminate Grover’s command. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/5 "2004-11-24T05:48:50Z")
Muppet Pearl Harbor- Same movie, but with Muppets. The acting should be at least 75% better. Kermit replaces Ben Affleck, Miss Piggy Replaces what’s her name(Vampire girl?) and Gonzo replaces Josh Harnett. Alec Baldwin’s character is now played by Sam the Eagle, and the Japanese are played by the Rats, with Rizzo leading the attack. Gone with the Muppet Wind - Piggy = Scarlet, who lusts after Ashley(Beaker) but eventually marries Rhett Butler(Kermit). Okay, this is just because I’d love to have Beaker do all of Ashley’s lines. Scarlett: Oh Ashley, Ashley, I love you. Ashley: Mi Mi Mi Mi! Scarlett: I love you, I do. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/6 "2004-11-24T05:50:08Z")
With Kermit in the Bogart role…Miss Piggy in the Astor role. Fozzie as Greenstreet and Gonzo as Lorre of course. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/7 "2004-11-24T05:50:47Z")
Kill Kermit. 'Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/8 "2004-11-24T05:58:33Z")
I can’t figure out why they’ve never made _Muppet Robin Hood_. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/9 "2004-11-24T06:01:30Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > I can’t figure out why they’ve never made _Muppet Robin Hood_. You ever tried to get tights on a frog? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/10 "2004-11-24T06:03:43Z")
_Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?_ sprung to mind, but they are short on female muppets. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/11 "2004-11-24T06:05:25Z")
> [@lee](#): > > _Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?_ sprung to mind, but they are short on female muppets. There were actually several female pigs on the Muppet Show before Piggy became the breakout star. I remember one with curly blond hair…they could definitely do _Baby Jane_ with Piggy and that one. Or Piggy and Janis. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/12 "2004-11-24T06:06:28Z")
_Lost in Space_. But with pigs. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/13 "2004-11-24T06:07:28Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Or Piggy and Janis. “But you ARE, Janis! You ARE in that wheelchair!” ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/14 "2004-11-24T06:26:59Z")
Muppet Fiction sounds very promising. Have Kermit and Fozzy be Vincent and Jules, Gonzo was born to tell the “watch up my ass” story, Sam the Eagle could be Marsellus…although I’m torn on Piggy. Sure, convention would have her be Mia, but having her give the “Any of you fuckin’ pricks move, and I’ll execute every mother fuckin’ last one of ya” speech would be worth the price of admission alone. As for my own suggestion, I’d love to see the Muppets do Monte Python. -lv ---
**Author:** ![MrJones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@MrJones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrJones)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/15 "2004-11-24T06:36:54Z")
How about _Blue Muppet,_ The muppet remake of David Lynch’s Blue Velvet. Kermit would play the Kyle McLaughlin part. Fozzie would play Frank Booth. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/16 "2004-11-24T07:35:52Z")
> [@LordVor](#): > > Muppet Fiction sounds very promising. Have Kermit and Fozzy be Vincent and Jules, Gonzo was born to tell the “watch up my ass” story, Sam the Eagle could be Marsellus…although I’m torn on Piggy. Sure, convention would have her be Mia, but having her give the “Any of you fuckin’ pricks move, and I’ll execute every mother fuckin’ last one of ya” speech would be worth the price of admission alone. YES. That is so awesome. Yes, Piggy HAS to be Yolanda and Kermit, therefore has to be recast as Ringo so the dymanic works better. Oscar the Grouch is Jules. Ernie is Vincent Vega. Janice is Mia Wallace. Scooter is Brett. Beaker is the guy in the bathroom. Roosevelt Franklin is Marvin. Rowlf the Dog is the Wolf. Cookie Monster is quintessentially Marsellius Wallace. Sam the Eagle is Zed. Rizzo the Rat is Pawn Shop guy. Mookie Fraggle is Fabianne. Animal is Butch. Butch has the most boring dialogue in the movie, most of which would be improved with Animal’s monosyllabic grunting. Animal best represents Butch’s pent-up rage… I mean, c’mon. Just seeing him go, “Where watch? Where watch?” and then throwing a fit when Fabianne doesn’t have it would. fucking. rock. Also the scene where Animal finds the samurai sword in the pawn shop… Hee! Gonzo is Captain Koons. Muppet Baby Animal plays lil’ Butch. Fozzie Bear is the restaurant manager. That places him in the same scene with Kermit and Piggy without too much dialogue. Franky, a little Fozzie goes a long way. ---
**Author:** ![Gamaliel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b487fb/32.png) [@Gamaliel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gamaliel)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/17 "2004-11-24T08:29:48Z")
Miss Piggy would be perfect as Norma Desmond in _Sunset Boulevard_ . ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/18 "2004-11-24T12:02:57Z")
> [@Gamaliel](#): > > Miss Piggy would be perfect as Norma Desmond in _Sunset Boulevard_ . Did you ever just have one of those moments where someone dropped a concept on you that made you simply stare at the monitor and bask in the glory? I just did. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/19 "2004-11-24T12:15:00Z")
_Muppetblanca_ : you work out who is who Miss Piggy Kermit Rizzo the Rat Oscar the Grouch The Count (for the roulette scene) ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423/20 "2004-11-24T12:20:29Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > _Apocalypse Now_, with Kermit going up the river to terminate Grover’s command. And Snuffleuphagus making a cameo as the water bufallo the gets machette’d to death in front of the temple. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movie-would-you-recast-with-muppets/276423.md?page=2)