# What movies would have their plot IMPROVED by being made as a porn flick? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 15, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622 "2006-07-15T16:27:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/1 "2006-07-15T16:27:52Z")
Inspired by [this post by Little Nemo](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7580851&postcount=4) in the Cafe Society thread [What’s the most preposterous film ever? Sudden Death](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=379751) I always felt that the plot in [Gigli](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0299930/) was little better than that found in your typical $13000 porno. I have no doubt that if the tender scenes with Affleck, Lopez and co. were full-on explicit rather than merely aspiring-to-be-risque, the movie would’ve had better ratings (as if they could get any lower). Ditto for [True Lies](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111503/). The soundtrack would’ve been improved using cheap no-license '70s wah pedal elevator music rock, as well. So…what movies do you think would be better-plotted as porn? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/2 "2006-07-15T17:06:19Z")
Anything starring Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, Drew Barrymore . . . Oh, you were asking about **plots.** Let me think about that. I might be busy for some time. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/3 "2006-07-15T17:09:37Z")
\*Mona Lisa Smile, \* where characters’ actions would actually make more sense in a porn context. ---
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/4 "2006-07-15T17:23:45Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Anything starring Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, Drew Barrymore . . . > > Oh, you were asking about **plots.** > > Let me think about that. > > I might be busy for some time. After imagining those four in a movie together, I can understand why. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/5 "2006-07-15T17:46:59Z")
[Gigi](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051658/) is practically a porn movie without the porn. Remake it so we see Gigi’s sexual training under the tutelage of her grandmother and grandaunt. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/6 "2006-07-15T18:11:28Z")
[Dangerous Beauty](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118892/) was already pretty good, and was already not exactly a family film, but it would have been the perfect oppurtunity to combine explict sex scenes with drama. It’s about the training and life of a courtesan, of course it’s pertinent to the themes and plot. Of course, had they tried, they probably would have lost their budget, actors, and probably most of the crew, but hey, a guy can dream. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/7 "2006-07-15T18:15:19Z")
I started to answer “anything starring Alyson Hannigan,” but I decided to be serious. Besides, her loveliness is too good to be wasted on porn. Not so much XXX, but the Debra Winger/Theresa Russell flick from the late 80s, _Black Widow_, would have been better if they’d just admitted and shown that the two lead character really, really, really wanted to get into each other’s pants. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/8 "2006-07-15T20:37:14Z")
I recall a Hustler satire of Star Trek… there were some hilarious lines. Scotty: Cap’n… my organ canna stand th’ sthrain! Mr. Spic: It would seem I’m cumming. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/9 "2006-07-15T20:41:05Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > [Gigi](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051658/) is practically a porn movie without the porn. Remake it so we see Gigi’s sexual training under the tutelage of her grandmother and grandaunt. Sequel: _Gigi Meets Gigli._ ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/10 "2006-07-15T20:50:36Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Anything starring Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, Drew Barrymore . . . Best two out of four: Bring it On, starring Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku, was basically a porn movie already, all you had to do was find the correct places to insert the sex scenes into. (and how cool would a porn movie with intricate dance scenes be? 😃 ) Though the scene with the dance choreographer would interesting, since it starts with the musical number that goes “Prepare for total Domination!” :eek: Cruel Intentions 2: It already had naked twins making out in the shower, sex scenes would have made it all the better. StarShip Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation: Sex scenes couldn’t have possibly made it any worse. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/11 "2006-07-15T22:11:24Z")
> [@Subway Prophet](#): > > Ditto for [True Lies](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111503/). The soundtrack would’ve been improved using cheap no-license '70s wah pedal elevator music rock, as well. Dude, seriously? That’s my favorite Bond parody ever, especially the _Goldfinger_ homage in the opening scene. Way better than the _Austin Powers_ movies, and with more meat than the too-often-limp _Flint_ films. Lessee: _Gone With The Wind_ would definitely work better as porn. So would _The Sound Of Music_ (though I don’t really want to think about the implications of that.) _Pretty Woman_ definitely would have been improved by the addition of hardcore elements (plus, it wouldn’t be the perennial favorite of young ladies everywhere who are of the opinion that prostitution is a romantic vocation). Berman’s _The Seventh Seal_ could have been easily converted to porn. Essentially any John Grisham movie should be made as porn, not because that would improve it (I daresay nothing could do that) but it would at least detract from the massive plotholes and legal irregularities. _2001: A Space Odyssey_ and _Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb_ were already porn in disguise, and wouldn’t really be improved by the addition of hardcore elements. _Barry Lyndon_, on the other hand, desperately needed more bobbies. Not as porn, but I think pretty much any Nora Ephram-written alleged romantic comedy would would better as a psycho-stalker thriller. Just give Meg Ryan a hatchet and a clown mask and she could be the most horrific cinematic serial killer ever. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/12 "2006-07-15T23:38:29Z")
> [@Skald the Rhymer](#): > > Not so much XXX, but the Debra Winger/Theresa Russell flick from the late 80s, _Black Widow_, would have been better if they’d just admitted and shown that the two lead character really, really, really wanted to get into each other’s pants. I kinda wondered about that . . . Winger was, after all, trying very hard to **nail** Russell, and not in a porn way. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/13 "2006-07-15T23:41:04Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > Sequel: _Gigi Meets Gigli._ I sense a great disturbance in the Force . . . ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/14 "2006-07-15T23:44:21Z")
> [@Mr. Duality](#): > > I recall a Hustler satire of Star Trek… there were some hilarious lines. > > Scotty: Cap’n… my organ canna stand th’ sthrain! > > Mr. Spic: It would seem I’m cumming. There are two _XXX Trek_(alternate title: _Sex Trek_) porn movies done with no budget that actually manage to be absolutely hilarious spoofs of _Star Trek_ (the actors involved are obviously fans), as well as having decent sex scenes in them too… well worth seeing, even if it’s just for the comedy value! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/15 "2006-07-15T23:45:51Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Lessee: _Gone With The Wind_ would definitely work better as porn. I don’ know **nuttin’** ‘bout eatin’ no pussy, Miz Scarlett! > [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > So would _The Sound Of Music_ (though I don’t really want to think about the implications of that.) Prude! 😃 > [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > _Pretty Woman_ definitely would have been improved by the addition of hardcore elements (plus, it wouldn’t be the perennial favorite of young ladies everywhere who are of the opinion that prostitution is a romantic vocation). Ya sure? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/16 "2006-07-15T23:47:10Z")
> [@Martini Enfield](#): > > There are two _XXX Trek_(alternate title: _Sex Trek_) porn movies done with no budget that actually manage to be absolutely hilarious spoofs of _Star Trek_ (the actors involved are obviously fans), as well as having decent sex scenes in them too… well worth seeing, even if it’s just for the comedy value! Do any of them feature Kirk and an especially lovely Horta? 🙂 (C’mon, you know he’d do it!) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/17 "2006-07-15T23:49:16Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > (and how cool would a porn movie with intricate dance scenes be? 😃 ) 🙂 Now there’s some new ground to be broken! (And how much of that is left, nowadays, in porn or in mainstream?) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/18 "2006-07-15T23:58:41Z")
**Star Trek V** Kirk: “What does God need with a spaceship?” God: “Let me show you, little boy…” _Boom chicka chicka Wow Wow chicka chicka_ **Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back** Darth Vader: “If you only knew… THE POWER … of the Dark Side…” _Boom chicka chicka Wow Wow chicka chicka_ **Aliens** Hudson: “Hey Vasquez. Ever get mistaken for a man?” (He-She domination scene follows) ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/19 "2006-07-16T01:23:51Z")
Eyes Wide Shut? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/20 "2006-07-16T01:24:24Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > [Gigi](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051658/) is practically a porn movie without the porn. Remake it so we see Gigi’s sexual training under the tutelage of her grandmother and grandaunt. Actually, no we don’t. Her Great aunt teaches her how to walk with grace, serve tea, choose cigars, eat ‘tricky’ foods like ortolan, judging jewelry. Basically how to comport oneself in public, dress well and accessorize. Her grandmother basically only gives her very basic advice - behave in public and do what he tells you in bed. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622.md?page=2)