# What movies would have their plot IMPROVED by being made as a porn flick? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 15, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622 "2006-07-15T16:27:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/21 "2006-07-16T01:46:09Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Eyes Wide Shut? Actually, that plot only worked (insofar as it did) because it was all hints and teasing and the sex never happened. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/22 "2006-07-16T01:47:28Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Actually, no we don’t. > > Her Great aunt teaches her how to walk with grace, serve tea, choose cigars, eat ‘tricky’ foods like ortolan, judging jewelry. . . . Sounds a lot like _My Fair Lady_ . . . ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/23 "2006-07-16T05:33:11Z")
The [The Amazing Colossal Man](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050118/) would certainly be improved by a porn treatment. Plus the title would pretty much **be** the story, so no guessing as to what it’s about. (we just saw The Amazing Colossal Man on MST3K. Great episode). ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/24 "2006-07-16T05:47:47Z")
[On Golden Pond](http://www.tigersweat.com/movies/gpond/) would make a really great porn flick…if you’re into that sorta thing. 😉 More traditionally? **Basic Instinct** , definitely. It was supposed to be a high-budget porn flick anyway. ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/25 "2006-07-16T06:29:25Z")
_Belle de Jour_ The premise is so hot, but the movie is anything but IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/26 "2006-07-16T15:48:18Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > . . . Sounds a lot like _My Fair Lady_ . . . The movie My Fair Lady starred Audrey Hepburn. Her big break that eventually led to roles such as this was when Colette insisted that she play the lead in Colette’s Broadway production of her play Gigi. Audrey Hepburn = innocent + sexy (sometimes called the most beautiful woman in the world). Colette was an extremely beautiful fin de siecle mega-star stage actress and writer who led a sexually liberated life. Her stage performances included partial nudity, her novellas were sexually titillating and often focused on the development of younger lovers, and her own married life included multiple lovers – even her much younger nephew (I would love to see a well written and well acted bit explicit biography of Colette on film – that or go back in time as her nephew – Collette’s brains and beauty are quite a turn-on). ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/27 "2006-07-16T16:44:22Z")
How about _Beat The Devil_? You could wind up with a big 4-way with Bogart, Gina Lollabrigida, Jennifer Jones and Edward Underdown. Throw Robert Morley and Peter Lorre in there; that’s pretty hot. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/28 "2006-07-17T19:47:13Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > _2001: A Space Odyssey_ and _Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb_ were already porn in disguise, and wouldn’t really be improved by the addition of hardcore elements. Er, what? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/29 "2006-07-17T19:51:39Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > Er, what? Big black obelisk. Riding the bomb. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/30 "2006-07-17T20:05:17Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > The [The Amazing Colossal Man](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050118/) would certainly be improved by a porn treatment. Plus the title would pretty much **be** the story, so no guessing as to what it’s about. > > (we just saw The Amazing Colossal Man on MST3K. Great episode). I take it you’ve never seen [Attack of the 60-Foot Centerfolds](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112408/)? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/31 "2006-07-17T20:18:38Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > > [@rjung](#): > > > > > [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > > > > > 2001: A Space Odyssey and Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb were already porn in disguise, and wouldn’t really be improved by the addition of hardcore elements. > > > > Er, what? > > Big black obelisk. Riding the bomb. sdsf ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/32 "2006-07-17T20:38:05Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > > [@rjung](#): > > > > > [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > > > > > 2001: A Space Odyssey and Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb were already porn in disguise, and wouldn’t really be improved by the addition of hardcore elements. > > > > Er, what? > > Big black obelisk. Riding the bomb. Black obelisks and bomb-straddling are the least of the barely-subtextual implications in those films. _Discovery_ was a transparently intended to look like a spermatozoid. As for _Dr. Strangelove_, from the salacious opening mid-air refueling scene to the cigar-punctuated discussion on the need to preserve our precious bodily fluids (“I don’t avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence,”), the film is one extended sex joke. A little bit of additional hardcore pornography wouldn’t be entirely out of place, though it would eliminated the suggestiveness of it, thus diminishing the humor. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/33 "2006-07-17T21:35:00Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Black obelisks and bomb-straddling are the least of the barely-subtextual implications in those films. _Discovery_ was a transparently intended to look like a spermatozoid. Open the pod bay doors, Hal. Come on! Please! Look, I brought you some flowers! ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/34 "2006-07-18T06:39:32Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Black obelisks and bomb-straddling are the least of the barely-subtextual implications in those films. _Discovery_ was a transparently intended to look like a spermatozoid. As for _Dr. Strangelove_, from the salacious opening mid-air refueling scene to the cigar-punctuated discussion on the need to preserve our precious bodily fluids (“I don’t avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence,”), the film is one extended sex joke. A little bit of additional hardcore pornography wouldn’t be entirely out of place, though it would eliminated the suggestiveness of it, thus diminishing the humor. > > Stranger Also, if you read 2010, one Russian cosmonaut describes the docking of the USS Discovery and the Leoniv as being like a zero-G sex scene, with the obviously male, stocky Russian vessel mounting the slender female American vessel. 😉 IIRC, since the American vessel was completley disabled at this point, it was described as being almost like a form of starship rape. :eek: Then they throw in a reference to some previous cosmonaut who had apparantly gotten cashiered after getting too imaginitive in his description of two ships docking over an open radio channel. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/35 "2006-07-18T15:00:34Z")
Little Man, Fast and the Furious, Car Wash, Saturday Night Fever, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band, Maid in Manhattan, Any movie with Paulie Shore featured in it. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/36 "2006-07-18T15:35:40Z")
Lorenzo Lamas in “[Snake Eater](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100645/).” The title says it all. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/37 "2006-07-18T15:41:11Z")
> [@ddgryphon](#): > > Little Man, Fast and the Furious, Car Wash, Saturday Night Fever, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band, Maid in Manhattan, Any movie with Paulie Shore featured in it. You want to see Paulie Shore naked? 😕😕😕😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/38 "2006-07-18T15:46:22Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Eyes Wide Shut? I thought that was porn! No? Boob-bouncing sex, naked hooker sprawled in a chair, Nichole Kidman peeing – all my favorite elements. Oh, wait, the hooker had pubic hair, so it’s not porn. Never mind. Nothing to see here. Move along. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/39 "2006-07-18T15:50:36Z")
_The Dirty Dozen_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622/40 "2006-07-18T16:14:13Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > **Aliens** > > Hudson: “Hey Vasquez. Ever get mistaken for a man?” > > (He-She domination scene follows) _Damn_, I’d pay to see that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-movies-would-have-their-plot-improved-by-being-made-as-a-porn-flick/364622.md?page=3)