# What musical instrument is the butt of the most jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 1, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056 "2014-12-01T19:31:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/61 "2014-12-02T12:15:02Z")
Drums doesn’t meet the OP’s criteria, “musical instrument”! ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/62 "2014-12-02T13:43:25Z")
How do you get a drummer off your porch? Pay him for the pizza. ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/63 "2014-12-02T14:11:06Z")
_What is an oboe? It’s an ill woodwind that nobody blows any good_ So goes the old joke, anyway. Personally I love the sound of the oboe. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/64 "2014-12-02T14:43:56Z")
Did you hear about the hot blonde chick who was a drummer? She had an overpowering urge to go fuck herself. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/65 "2014-12-02T16:04:35Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > And [much more](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_music_styles_that_incorporate_the_accordion). There’s also the harmonium, the concertina and other types. The Texas Folklore Society sponsors an annual [Accordion Kings & Queens](http://www.texasfolklife.org/tags/accordion-kings-and-queens) show at Houston’s Miller Outdoor Theater. And San Antonio has a yearly [International Accordion Festival](http://www.internationalaccordionfestival.org/artists.php). Texas artists played zydeco, polka & conjunto; international groups added some interesting touches. Denton’s [Brave Combo](http://www.brave.com/bo/index.html) started as a polka band & has gone far; catch them when they come to your town! They recently recorded with [Guy Klucevsek](http://www.guyklucevsek.com/), “a major contributor to the accordion renaissance of the last 25 years.” ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/66 "2014-12-02T16:05:58Z")
I’ve played guitar for longer than I care to remember. When I first met the man who would become my nephew in law, who is a drummer, jokes were exchanged. How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to change the bulb, two to watch to see how he does it, and four to say “I can do that faster/better.” What’s the difference between a professional trombone player and an extra large pepperoni pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/67 "2014-12-02T16:08:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? > > A drummer. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None! They have a machine that can do that now! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/68 "2014-12-02T16:15:07Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Has anyone mentioned the sackbut? Or the crumhorn? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/69 "2014-12-02T16:17:15Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > The accordionist from [Golden Bough](http://www.goldenboughmusic.com/) told this story: > > The problem with an accordion is its size. I was on the way to a gig and stopped by a 7/11 for a quick snack. Of course, I had to leave the accordion in the car, and I must have forgotten to lock the door. I was only inside for five minutes, but when I got back … two accordions! I heard an accordion player many years ago who wore a tee shirt that said, “Accordions don’t play ‘Lady of Spain’. people do.” ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/70 "2014-12-02T16:28:07Z")
I’ve actually heard a few tuba jokes. Favorite: A boy comes home from his first tuba lesson. “What did you learn, Johnny?” his father asks. “I learned to play a C!” Johnny says. Next week, Johnny comes home from his lesson and his father asks what he learned. “I learned to play a G!” Johnny says. Next week, Johnny doesn’t come home from his lesson. His father is frantic with worry until Johnny finally comes in at midnight. “Where on earth have you been?” his father asks. Johnny replies, “I had a gig!” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/71 "2014-12-02T16:31:40Z")
In America, most people have no idea what a bodhran is (it’s a sort of goatskin drum). But fans of traditional Irish music tell loads of jokes about bodhran players! Now, I’m Irish-American, and have had a fair amount of exposure to Irish music, and so I resepct people who play the bodhran well. The problem with the bodhran is the same problem with ANY percussion instrument: whereas it takes months or years of practice to become a bad violinist, a bad guitarist or a bad flutist, almost ANYBODY can buy a bodhran or a drum kit and become a bad percussionist IMMEDIATELY! A newbie fiddler wouldn’t dream of sitting in with a group of accomplished Irish musicians, because he KNOWS he’s not ready and KNOWS how much he has yet to learn. But a novice on the bodhran often has no idea how unprepared he is to play with a group of real musicians. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/72 "2014-12-02T16:35:49Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > What has seven arms and sucks? > > Def Lepard. Hey, I resent that. They’re a 5 man band, so they have NINE arms! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/73 "2014-12-02T16:41:07Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > In America, most people have no idea what a bodhran is (it’s a sort of goatskin drum). I knew that! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/74 "2014-12-02T16:46:10Z")
I don’t think it’s true that everyone thinks their instrument has the most jokes. I’m a tuba player, and I’ve heard disappointingly few tuba jokes. Mostly, we just get sight gags, like comic-strip characters playing the tuba (Opus, Ziggy, Brutus Thornapple, and Rat all come to mind). If we’re including jokes about the performers, not just the instrument itself, I’d say that drummers have to be in the lead by a considerable margin. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/75 "2014-12-02T20:33:59Z")
> [@F.U.Shakespeare](#): > > My jazz musician brother tells these: > > Q: Define an optimist > A: A trombone player who carries a beeper > > Q: What’s the difference between a frog walking down the street and a trombone player walking down the street? > A: The frog might be going to a gig I recently shot a show by the 1970s horn band _Chase_. Six trumpet players and a lot of trombone jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Orwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dfb087/32.png) [@Orwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orwell)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/76 "2014-12-02T21:59:28Z")
Before reading down through this thread, I would have never thought of the banjo as being a “joke” instrument. My first thoughts were the accordion, bagpipe and harmonica. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/77 "2014-12-03T00:12:31Z")
Definition of a gentleman: A gentleman is one who can play the saxophone, but doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/78 "2014-12-03T02:27:08Z")
> [@Orwell](#): > > Before reading down through this thread, I would have never thought of the banjo as being a “joke” instrument. My first thoughts were the accordion, bagpipe and harmonica. Why a harmonica? Just the sight of a banjo provokes guffaws. I see ‘banjo’, think 'is Hee Haw still on tv?" All the cool people play harmonica. Bob Dylan comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/79 "2014-12-03T02:49:43Z")
I may be wrong, but the banjo seems incredibly difficult to play well. Seems as though it doesn’t deserve all the smart assery it gets. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056/80 "2014-12-03T03:09:29Z")
The sackbutt. DUH. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-musical-instrument-is-the-butt-of-the-most-jokes/706056.md?page=5)