# What, no April minirants? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186 "2011-04-04T20:24:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/61 "2011-04-06T17:42:08Z")
**Wheelz** , _that’s_ a minirant that needs to be delivered to their faces, preferably with half the office staff looking on (unless they already got that once, and that’s why they choose to transgress in stairwells and hallways). ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/62 "2011-04-06T17:51:16Z")
This spring, a couple of mourning doves took residence in our neighborhood, and have been hanging out every morning near our house. At first, I thought it was cute. But I discovered that, right around dawn, they begin calling to each other. Which in and of itself would be very sweet - if they didn’t do it for **3 fucking hours, right outside my goddamn office**. I have calls with folks in Europe starting at 6:30, the whole time it’s - “COO COO. . . COO COO. . . COO. . . COO COO”. Someone on the other end of the line actually heard it over my headset once and asked if I was taking the call from a pigeon coop. I’m seriously considering taking up hunting. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/63 "2011-04-06T17:54:42Z")
> [@minor7flat5](#): > > I like my dad’s wife. She is a nice lady, though she has her moments. > > But she completes my words and sen…“tences.” > > I have to restrain myself from stopping mid-sentence and shouting “Will you please stop completing my effing sentences? It’s annoying!” > [@Chimera](#): > > Then you need to construct sentences which she will finish one way, but then you can stop and say “No, I was going to say…” and complete a different way. NO! DON’T DO IT! If, as I suspect from the symptoms, **m7♭5** ’s stepmom is suffering from pre-cognitive echolalia, then changing what she’s going to say, just to discomfit the stepmom could set up a paradox with the potential to completely disrupt the laws of causality You don’t want to destroy the universe all in one go, do you? ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/64 "2011-04-06T18:00:24Z")
> [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](#): > > I’m seriously considering taking up hunting. After you finish off the doves, could you come over to our house? There is a woodpecker who has discovered that he can make a _really_ loud noise by pecking a metal piece on our chimney. “Come and get it ladies! Look who’s got the hardest beak in the neighborhood!” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/65 "2011-04-06T18:07:34Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Hey, people in my office who insist on standing and having conversations in doorways and at the top or bottom of a stairway, or in the middle of a narrow hallway, and when I try to get by you give me a look like _I’m_ the one inconveniencing _you_, and after I’ve squeezed by you move _right back where you just were so you can be in somebody else’s way too: There are conference rooms all over this place. And you have a desk, don’t you? Go there and talk. Don’t want to do those things? There’s some empty space right fucking over there!_ No, not right in front of the printer, you twits! Past the printer, there in the corner. You won’t be in anybody’s way and you can yak all you want. But guess what – nobody _ever_ stands there. > > Jerks. People stand in front of my fucking desk and chat. I want to put a sign saying “Not the office water cooler”. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/66 "2011-04-06T18:15:45Z")
You should totally ask them if they would like for you to provide them with a glass of water. Whatever their response is to the question, you can point them toward the water cooler. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/67 "2011-04-06T18:22:15Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > People stand in front of my fucking desk and chat. I want to put a sign saying “Not the office water cooler”. This happens to me all the time! My desk is right at the doorway, so people will come in and feel they have to say something. Then, the talkative lady in the next cube wants to get in on the fun, so she will come over and stand behind me. Now I’ve got two people chatting over my head. Someone sees this from afar and it looks like a party in the making, so they join us! I’ve had up to five people hanging over me at once, just shooting the shit while I type and answer the phone. If I didn’t concentrate on seeing the humor in this, I would [del]kill them. Kill them every one. [/del] be sad. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/68 "2011-04-06T18:27:19Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > After you finish off the doves, could you come over to our house? There is a woodpecker who has discovered that he can make a _really_ loud noise by pecking a metal piece on our chimney. “Come and get it ladies! Look who’s got the hardest beak in the neighborhood!” And after THAT, I’ve got a lot of grackles. And squirrels. Boy, do I have squirrels. Anyone fancy some chicken fried squirrel, or squirrel stew? Possibly I could whip up one of those short capelets, the kind that just cover your shoulders, out of American vair. It’ll have to be brown and white, though, not bluegrey and white, as is traditional. Cause I have brown squirrels. Fat ones, too. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/69 "2011-04-06T18:28:25Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > This happens to me all the time! My desk is right at the doorway, so people will come in and feel they have to say something. Then, the talkative lady in the next cube wants to get in on the fun, so she will come over and stand behind me. Now I’ve got two people chatting over my head. Someone sees this from afar and it looks like a party in the making, so they join us! I’ve had up to five people hanging over me at once, just shooting the shit while I type and answer the phone. If I didn’t concentrate on seeing the humor in this, I would [del]kill them. Kill them every one. [/del] be sad. Okay, THAT you should start typing on your computer, in a REALLY big font, so the lady standing behind you can read it, strikethroughs and all. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/70 "2011-04-06T18:43:45Z")
[Arlo Guthrie]I wanna kill! Kill, kill, KILL, _KILL!_ [/AG] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/71 "2011-04-06T18:44:11Z")
> [@minor7flat5](#): > > And how in thunder did they say my car was on a different bridge, 2 seconds later? OK, you were clearly exceeding the speed limit, so that’s gonna be another violation… ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/72 "2011-04-06T18:44:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > People stand in front of my fucking desk and chat. I want to put a sign saying “Not the office water cooler”. In our previous building, I used to have a desk that apparently was in a very attractive socializing location. I feel your pain. Fortunately that’s not the case any more, but the tradeoff is that there’s less open space here, so every time I have to leave my desk I’m heading through a damn obstacle course. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/73 "2011-04-06T18:45:59Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > This happens to me all the time! My desk is right at the doorway, so people will come in and feel they have to say something. Then, the talkative lady in the next cube wants to get in on the fun, so she will come over and stand behind me. Now I’ve got two people chatting over my head. Someone sees this from afar and it looks like a party in the making, so they join us! I’ve had up to five people hanging over me at once, just shooting the shit while I type and answer the phone. If I didn’t concentrate on seeing the humor in this, I would [del]kill them. Kill them every one. [/del] be sad. The only thing I am grateful for is I eventually wised up to this and moved my desk so they can’t get behind me easily. So at least I don’t have people looking over my shoulder. But I get the exact same situation as you - it becomes a social situation! My desk is even by the door. I don’t mind chit-chatting, sometimes, but I was not even talking to you so why are you here? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/74 "2011-04-06T18:58:32Z")
[Camping Carl](http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1996-01-12/) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/75 "2011-04-06T19:36:00Z")
It’s really a damn shame I can’t see a \*Dilbert \*anymore with thinking about what a sexist shitbag Scott Adams is. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/76 "2011-04-06T19:37:39Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > It’s really a damn shame I can’t see a \*Dilbert \*anymore with thinking about what a sexist shitbag Scott Adams is. Is he? Did not know. Why? What did he do? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/77 "2011-04-06T19:44:04Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Is he? Did not know. Why? What did he do? [QUOTE=Scott Adams] The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone. You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don’t argue when a women tells you she’s only making 80 cents to your dollar. [/QUOTE] > **[ComicsAlliance - Comic book culture, news, humor and commentary.](https://comicsalliance.com/)** > > Marvel Comics, DC Comics, comics downloads, comic book movies, digital comics, free comics and more. He’s also apparently [a fan of intelligent design](http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/01/will_scott_adams_never_learn.php). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/78 "2011-04-06T19:46:11Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > [ComicsAlliance - Comic book culture, news, humor and commentary.](http://www.comicsalliance.com/2011/03/25/scott-adam-sexist-mens-rights/) > > He’s also apparently [a fan of intelligent design](http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/01/will_scott_adams_never_learn.php). My jaw actually dropped at that. Well, I never! I was going to buy a Dilbert calendar this year, too, but I guess he just doesn’t need any of my 80 cents. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/79 "2011-04-06T20:20:41Z")
Kloppenburg, I’m happy that it looks like you came out on top, I really am. But the current tally has you ahead by barely more than 200, in a race where you and your main opponent \*each \*received _over seven hundred thousand votes_. This is not the time to be declaring victory; wait until after Prosser’s concession or until a recount verifies your election. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/80 "2011-04-06T20:30:55Z")
I did NOT know that either. **SFG** , consider yourself a fighter of ignorance. Now, in the same vein … mind giving me a little clue about WTF that last one was all about? Local politics, I presume? (Also, this is the third time I’ve almost left the restroom with a portion of my skirt tucked into my underpants\* and all I can think now is, “Who decided it was a good idea for me to leave the house this morning?”) - 20% funner that way (bonus nerd jokes if you get the reference) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186.md?page=5)