# What, no April minirants? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186 "2011-04-04T20:24:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/161 "2011-04-12T09:39:34Z")
> [@Toxgoddess](#): > > I absolutely loathe it when a waiter/waitress tells me “I am so-and-so and I’ll be taking care of you.” It sounds so godawful patronizng, as if they are the adult and I am the helpless child. Listen: You are not my mother. You are not “taking care of me”. I can take care of myself. You are waiting on me. You are a SERVER. It’s your job. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s a perfectly honest job, let’s call it what it is. When did “waiter” and “server” become politically incorrect? These phrases are usually thought up by Corporate Headquarters, and are intended to persuade the customer to order more. We have HQ to thank for servers having to introduce themselves by name, etc. HQ works out formulas and scripts for the servers’ behavior. I’ve sent a few letters about this to various HQs. As in, I DON’T want the supermarket cashier to look at my check and say “Thank you for shopping with us today, Mrs. Bodni”, I don’t want my name announced, and I hate having it mispronounced. Since I’ve gone to a debit card, they don’t seem to do this any more, but it was annoying. My results, though, have only been a number of form letters, none of which really address the problem except to say that they wish to serve me and want me to come back again real soon. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/162 "2011-04-12T12:14:10Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > These phrases are usually thought up by Corporate Headquarters, and are intended to persuade the customer to order more. We have HQ to thank for servers having to introduce themselves by name, etc. HQ works out formulas and scripts for the servers’ behavior. > > I’ve sent a few letters about this to various HQs. As in, I DON’T want the supermarket cashier to look at my check and say “Thank you for shopping with us today, Mrs. Bodni”, I don’t want my name announced, and I hate having it mispronounced. Since I’ve gone to a debit card, they don’t seem to do this any more, but it was annoying. My results, though, have only been a number of form letters, none of which really address the problem except to say that they wish to serve me and want me to come back again real soon. I remember the epiphany I had when I saw a friend get this treatment: he has an easy Anglo-Saxon name, and of course they got it right the first time. For me, it always comes across as “I don’t know you and I don’t care to, but Corporate is making me mangle your name.” For him, it actually came across as kind of friendly. My own mini-rant: poverty. I would appreciate it if you would stop lurking around the Humanities. Go bug the lawyers and the medics, please, and leave me alone: isn’t 20 years of being a boon companion enough? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/163 "2011-04-12T14:42:52Z")
On my desk this morning: an earring back taped to a post-it, noting “found in ladies’ bathroom”. Really? I mean, _really?_ I can just imagine if I’d been at my desk, the riveting, endless conversation we’d have had about this. I fully expect a follow-up visit, too. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/164 "2011-04-12T15:13:28Z")
> [@BomTek](#): > > For some reason, I’ve lately been obsessed with the idea that one of my molars is going to fall out. Let’s see if I can explain this… it’s been happening every single time I’ve had something chewy or sticky in my mouth (yeah, I know, har har). I’ll get this feeling that one of my top molars, not the last one in back but the one in front of that and usually the one on the right, is going to pop right out while I’m chewing. > My teeth are very healthy… I usually get commended on the job I’m doing when I get my dental checkups. So I have zero real reason to think that one of my teeth is going to spontaneously fall out. Where in the world did this feeling come from and why has it been in the back of my mind for two weeks now!!! Are you female? This is a really common stress dream for myself and a number of women I know (it probably happens to men, too, but none of my circle). Whenever I’m worried about things that I haven’t been taking care of: teeth falling out dreams. Bleah. It hasn’t advanced to my waking thoughts yet, but just you wait. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/165 "2011-04-12T15:31:03Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > On my desk this morning: an earring back taped to a post-it, noting “found in ladies’ bathroom”. > > Really? I mean, _really?_ I can just imagine if I’d been at my desk, the riveting, endless conversation we’d have had about this. I fully expect a follow-up visit, too. Do you know who put it there? Co-worker or cleaning staff? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/166 "2011-04-12T15:32:33Z")
Fucking hell, man. My neighbor has had, at various times, up to three dogs living in his place, all of which barked non-stop when outdoors. The present one, a collie, is no exception. I don’t like collies, as they seem uniformly brainless, but this one barks at every goddamn thing that moves: people, other dogs, cats, bikes; and they leave him outside for hours at a time. It’s driving me insane. I’ve spoken to him in the past about his dogs and he’s been responsive to the point of buying a bark collar for the little yappy pest he has. I resent having to tell somebody the obvious: your dog is a fucking nuisance, so do something about it. It is just going to create some hard feelings and is so unnecessary if he would just take care of the fucking problem. But no, I get to be the bad guy in all this because he’s an irresponsible pet owner. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/167 "2011-04-12T15:50:48Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Do you know who put it there? Co-worker or cleaning staff? I suspect the cleaning staff, but truthfully, there are several people who like to create something out of piddly-ass nothing. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/168 "2011-04-12T16:02:51Z")
Too bad you don’t have the actual person; you could give it back to them stapled to a piece of scrap paper on which you had written: “found on my desk.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/169 "2011-04-12T16:03:35Z")
Oh, mystery solved! Cleaning staff, check, follow-up visit, check. How can I possibly thank her?! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/170 "2011-04-12T16:04:33Z")
> [@Rysto](#): > > Pretty sure that’s your problem right there. 😃 Unfortunately you’re completely right. ☹ > [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > \ > I’ve sent a few letters about this to various HQs. As in, I DON’T want the supermarket cashier to look at my check and say “Thank you for shopping with us today, Mrs. Bodni”, I don’t want my name announced, and I hate having it mispronounced. \ I removed my name from all the cards that I use at Safeway (some electronically, some with white-out) for just these reasons - “Thank you, Mrs. Garbled” (not my real name); to start with, I don’t use Mrs. - I’m a Ms. (but I don’t expect them to know that, since we just met), and I don’t appreciate a lifetime of last name mangling, either. What gets my goat now is the cashiers who SEE that I’ve obliterated my name and hold the card up, trying to read it. That strip of white-out isn’t an accident, fool! > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > On my desk this morning: an earring back taped to a post-it, noting “found in ladies’ bathroom”. > > Really? I mean, _really?_ I can just imagine if I’d been at my desk, the riveting, endless conversation we’d have had about this. I fully expect a follow-up visit, too. I’d make it my business to place the earring back in different locations in the office now. 🙂 > [@Chefguy](#): > > \ I resent having to tell somebody the obvious: your dog is a fucking nuisance, so do something about it. It is just going to create some hard feelings and is so unnecessary if he would just take care of the fucking problem. But no, I get to be the bad guy in all this because he’s an irresponsible pet owner. I always wonder about that, too - do dog owners seriously not know how incredibly irritating their barking dogs are to EVERYONE in at least a one block radius? I suspect it’s the same old shit - “It doesn’t bug me, therefore it doesn’t bug anyone.” ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/171 "2011-04-12T16:05:20Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Oh, mystery solved! Cleaning staff, check, follow-up visit, check. How can I possibly thank her?! Pull your waste basket out from underneath your desk before you go home for the day. Makes it that much easier to empty it. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/172 "2011-04-12T16:13:51Z")
Fuck. My 17-month old daughter might have a UTI. She’s had a fever for the past three days and it spiked yesterday. She also woke up screaming every 20-30 minutes until she passed out around 2. I’m really scared for her. I have to take her in this afternoon and will probably have to hold her down while they get a urine sample via catheter. Oh, god, oh, god, I don’t want to do this. I realize that UTIs are somewhat common as a source for unexplained fever and irritability, and I’d actually rather it be that so we can pinpoint and treat it, but I hate, hate, hate even the thought of holding my daughter down like that. Yes, I’m a wuss. Yes, I’ll do it anyway. But I’ll probably cry tonight after she’s in bed. And for what it’s worth, I realize that this is a lame rant, but I hate having to be party to anything that hurts my kids, even if it’s going to make them better. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/173 "2011-04-12T16:23:54Z")
I pit the ‘Nutrition Bin’ in my son’s class. So, here’s the deal. Sometimes, kids show up to school having not eaten breakfast or having forgotten their lunch. There is a bin of snacks in the classroom to tide these children over until they get home (called the ‘Nutrition Bin’). It is filled with sweetened fruit bowls and chocolate chip granola bars and crackers. Basically, things I do not feed my kids at home. Well, my little guy sees a kid finish his lunch during first lunch (they have two lunch hours, one at 11 and one at 1:30 where they are supposed to eat half of their lunch) and then at second lunch, this kid says he’s hungry and eats a couple of things out of the ‘Nutrition Bin.’ My son, seeing this, proceeded to do the same thing so he would get to eat something out of the bin (not wanting to miss out on anything). Three days in a row. He has the teacher convinced that he is just hungry. Here’s what my 40 pound 6 year old gets in his lunch. -a full sandwich -two fruits -yogurt -milk -juice -some kind of fibre delivery system (all-bran bars or somesuch) (which is more than I eat for lunch on a given day) So, now I have to write a note telling them to not let him eat out of there since he uses ‘I’m hungry’ all the time to try and get treats at home (a practice that does get him in trouble here or a piece of fruit if he actually is hungry). And I am going to have to divide his lunch between 1st and 2nd lunch so he doesn’t pig out at first break. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/174 "2011-04-12T16:46:20Z")
First lunch and second lunch? Is that a hobbit thing? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/175 "2011-04-12T18:57:49Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Oh, mystery solved! Cleaning staff, check, follow-up visit, check. How can I possibly thank her?! I don’t get it; what’s the problem? ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/176 "2011-04-12T19:01:51Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > First lunch and second lunch? Is that a hobbit thing? Apparently, it keeps them from getting hungry and improves their attention span. Very scientific, I hear. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/177 "2011-04-12T19:12:46Z")
> [@Tess](#): > > **Little Bird** - Miss Manners has a phrase that’s useful when turning down ‘well-intentioned’ people. Simply end with, “I’m sure you understand!” Update the reasons as needed. > “Sorry, MIL, we’d \*love \* to drive clear across the country but just can’t, what with my pregnancy/the hatchling needing to poop or eat every 20 minutes/the fledgling not handling long trips/ keeping up with soccer, conversational French and piano lessons. I’m \*sure \* you understand!” Yeah, sounds workable and all, but even if I could convince MIL with that, her little boy would never accept it. I’m just looking forward to the fall when it’ll be me and **Birdling** against MIL in his decisions. He better be seeing sense then. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/178 "2011-04-12T19:15:44Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I don’t get it; what’s the problem? Nothing, if it was an isolated incident. But I get interrupted approximately a thousand times a day for things of no importance at all, which I then get to have detailed, soul-killing conversations about. FYI: She found it behind the toilet. She was going to put it on the ledge in front of my desk, but then she thought it might get knocked off. Then she was going to put it on the bulletin board, but does anybody really look there? Then she decided to put it on my desk. Then she decided to come back and check later to see if anyone claimed it. All this for an object the approximate size and worth of a friggin’ BB. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/179 "2011-04-12T19:30:48Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Unfortunately you’re completely right. ☹ > > I removed my name from all the cards that I use at Safeway (some electronically, some with white-out) for just these reasons - “Thank you, Mrs. Garbled” (not my real name); to start with, I don’t use Mrs. - I’m a Ms. (but I don’t expect them to know that, since we just met), and I don’t appreciate a lifetime of last name mangling, either. What gets my goat now is the cashiers who SEE that I’ve obliterated my name and hold the card up, trying to read it. That strip of white-out isn’t an accident, fool! > > I’d make it my business to place the earring back in different locations in the office now. 🙂 > > I always wonder about that, too - do dog owners seriously not know how incredibly irritating their barking dogs are to EVERYONE in at least a one block radius? I suspect it’s the same old shit - “It doesn’t bug me, therefore it doesn’t bug anyone.” Well, I went out and spoke to him this morning. He said he’ll tell his daughter (whose dog it actually is). I told him I’d go half on a bark collar and he told me the dog already has one of those kind that emits a puff of citroenella. I was thinking of something more along the lines of 5-10,000 volts, myself. For both the dog and the owner. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186/180 "2011-04-12T20:55:00Z")
Ok, here is mine for the day. It has been a truly busy day, so busy that I haven’t even had a chance to figure out the adjustments on my new chair. I like it busy, but this is what 40 minutes or so of my day was spent on: I have to get a volunteer to Buffalo from Albany. She does not want to drive, for whatever reason. Train: No train will get here there in time that day, or get her back in time the next, so she has to stay an extra two nights. Bus: Same thing, plus it’s really long. Plane: Best bet, except she complained about the stopover! And I admit, they are a bit ridiculous. On the way out, it stops in Newark. On the way back - Washington, D.C.!!! But I can’t help what the airlines decide! It took her forever to finally settle on the plane. And all of this because she wouldn’t drive. I was seriously tempted to tell her to start walking; she’d get there eventually . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-no-april-minirants/577186.md?page=10)