# What non-fantasy-series characters would do best/worst in Sunnydale? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260 "2010-03-12T17:07:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/21 "2010-03-12T19:20:52Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > If Booth and Brennan turned up, things might get interesting 😃 Especially if they’re up against Angelus. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/22 "2010-03-12T19:25:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I too want to see this happen. I don’t suppose vampires are any less likely to hang out in Miami than Sunnydale, and with any luck they’ll murder David Caruso while they’re down there. (Horatio Caine definitely dies, for at least four reasons. He won’t be able to wrap his mind around the vampire idea in time; he’ll pull a handgun and (unfortunately for him) succeed in shooting the vampire in the heart; he will have annoyed Spike with his mannerisms already; and Spike or Dru will want his sunglasses. Nope, Horatio Caine has the advantage of being played by an actual undead actor, David Caruso. The vampires will mistake him for a zombie and let him roam around making pronouncements and never notice him. Horatio will do quite nicely. All his cow-orkers will be happy hour snacks, however. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/23 "2010-03-12T19:26:45Z")
Shawn would probably notice something soon enough to save Gus, but Jules and Lassie are vamp-food. Henry is bad enough to be able to spot vamps, effectively fight them, and then berate Shawn for not remembering his lessons on vamp-fighting from 20 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/24 "2010-03-12T19:31:07Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Darn, this is veering into Crossover Fanfic territory. And that sort of story usually doesn’t end in a fight… So, How I met your Wiccan Mother doesn’t work for you? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/25 "2010-03-12T19:32:41Z")
Two and a half men last two and a half seconds. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/26 "2010-03-12T19:34:58Z")
Sgt. Joe Friday would be so emotionless that the vamps would mistake him as one of their own. Mick Belker would bite the vampires first. Lassie would go get help. The Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are lunch. Jerry, Elaine, or George are dinner. Kramer, however, would probably weird out the vampires, if they didn’t mistake him for one. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/27 "2010-03-12T19:35:17Z")
I’m reasonably sure that Mr Miyagi could take out a few score vampires, were he so provoked. (If the stuntwork in the first movie is any indication, he’d barely have to make contact to send 'em flying!) I could see the crew from Special Victims Unit (which my girlfriend turns on far too often and _yes_ I know I don’t have to be in the same room) following the trail of some corpse, raped and drained of blood. I doubt they’d last, but the vampires’d probably turn Ice-T, confused by “Cop Killer” and believing him a suitable villain. Sherlock Holmes has been mentioned, but what about Holmes-a-likes? Dr House might be safe for the same reason Monk is, but if push came to shove he’s a goner. I give William of Baskerville better odds. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/28 "2010-03-12T19:43:02Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Two and a half men last two and a half seconds. I think they are protected. Evelyn has…contacts. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/29 "2010-03-12T19:50:33Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > So, How I met your Wiccan Mother doesn’t work for you? Actually, that sounds pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/30 "2010-03-12T19:51:32Z")
Caine (of Kung Fu fame) certainly would manage fine I think. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/31 "2010-03-12T19:58:11Z")
[Rainbow over Sunnydale](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1135535/1/Rainbow_over_Sunnydale) - a crossover of the Tom Clancy and Joss Whedon universes. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/32 "2010-03-12T19:59:32Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m reasonably sure that Mr Miyagi could take out a few score vampires, were he so provoked. Don’t know. Never been attacked by corpse. > [@](#): > > I give William of Baskerville better odds. Would being a priest give him any sort of edge? I’m not familiar enough with the Buffy canon to say. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/33 "2010-03-12T20:16:13Z")
Mike Holmes would stake every one of them while making Mike Rowe clean up the mess. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/34 "2010-03-12T20:34:45Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Mike Holmes would stake every one of them while making Mike Rowe clean up the mess. Hey, if we’re on to real-life “characters” I’d love to see Anthony Bourdain do an episode hanging out with a couple vampires, touring the places frequented by supernatural creatures-of-the-night. He’d totally be into their cuisine. I imagine his blood’s pretty toxic, poisoned by cholesterol and tar and remnants of drugs in years past. He should be safe. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/35 "2010-03-12T20:38:27Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Now you’ve got me eager to seeing a Mayberry/Sunnydale crossover. Barney is toast, but Andy is surprisingly badass - he will notice things are “off” and avoid the first assaults long enough to consult with Bea, who, of course, has been practicing black magic in secret for decades… Advantage- Andy doesn’t carry a gun. Disadvantage- Andy thinks people are basically good. Result: Dead, immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/36 "2010-03-12T20:47:58Z")
Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters. Adam and his scoobies would last about five minutes. They’d be holed up arguing about whether a broadsword or a katana was better for decaptiation when the vamps wandered by. Jamie would grab the nearest minigun and turn anything within a 100yd radius into mincemeat. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/37 "2010-03-12T20:59:24Z")
James Bond (pretty much any iteration) would do just fine. Vague possibility he’d be offed by a female vamp, but really, we all know how that story ends. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/38 "2010-03-12T21:03:59Z")
The A-Team would fight an inconclusive skirmish against the vampires, chasing them off temporarily. Then they’d be surprised and be forced to retreat during a larger battle. They’d get caught in a machine shop, where B.A. would build a self propelled vampire staking machine, using 2x4s he pulled out of the wall by hand (even though there were hammers and saws conveniently nearby) as the stakes. However, even though they launch approximately 80,000 stakes and vanquish the vampires completely, not a single vampire is actually killed. Oh, and Murdock would spend the entire time convinced that he is a vampire, and Face would have seduced the hottest vampire sometime around the second break. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/39 "2010-03-12T21:05:59Z")
Dirty Harry would be a bit perturbed that the largest handgun in the world didn’t kill the vamp, but I think he would figure it out pretty quick. The best bet though? The team from 4077 MASH - the Padre would turn the vamps! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/40 "2010-03-12T21:23:40Z")
Law & Order: All the detectives would be toast, except for Logan, who would freak out and beat the shit out of all of them. The Closer: Brenda would march right up to the vampires and tell them who’s boss. “I’m Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the L.A.P.D., and you are NOT going to continue to behave like that!” “Yes, ma’am.” > [@silenus](#): > > Shawn would probably notice something soon enough to save Gus, but Jules and Lassie are vamp-food. Henry is bad enough to be able to spot vamps, effectively fight them, and then berate Shawn for not remembering his lessons on vamp-fighting from 20 years ago. I agree that Shawn would figure out pretty quickly that the vamps are real and find a way to keep himself and Gus safe in the short term. But Gus’s encyclopedic knowledge of geek arcana would definitely be crucial in actually defeating them. But yeah, Henry would be the one to actually take care of business. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260.md?page=3)