# What non-fantasy-series characters would do best/worst in Sunnydale? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 12, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260 "2010-03-12T17:07:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/41 "2010-03-12T21:33:41Z")
Jim Rockford would sprinkle some garlic on his tacos and survive just fine. His trailer, on the other hand, would be trashed for the 1,000,001st time. His buddy Angel Martin would annoy the vampires so badly while hitting them up for money that he’d be toast. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/42 "2010-03-12T21:36:35Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > This isn’t really the question you asked, but I think **Veronica Mars** would make a fantastic addition to the scooby gang, assuming she survived an initial encounter. Here’s a good Mars/Buffy crossover. [Martian Manhunter by Mediancat](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3417335/1/Martian_Manhunter) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/43 "2010-03-12T21:39:25Z")
Well if we’re going to go too far afield… Jayne would want to be changed into a Vampire because it would make him more badass. Then he’d be destroyed by the first blast of sunlight through Firefly’s windows. Or staked from behind by Kaylee. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/44 "2010-03-12T21:48:32Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Well if we’re going to go too far afield… > > Jayne would want to be changed into a Vampire because it would make him more badass. > Then he’d be destroyed by the first blast of sunlight through Firefly’s windows. > Or staked from behind by Kaylee. Are we sure that the “sunlight” in that system has the same effect on vamps? Anyway, Firefly doesn’t really have many windows. River would make a great slayer. And her brother is so pale… ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/45 "2010-03-12T22:03:40Z")
The cast of \*How I Met your Mother \*will do surprisingly well, considering. Marshall, as we know, is freakin’ scary in a fight, and give Robin a six-pack and a sharpened hockey stick and she’ll be unstoppable. Lily and Barney may be useless in combat, but they’re both consummate schemers, which means that they’ll be able to put together an awesome tactical plan to defeat the vamps. Ted, though… Ted’s toast. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/46 "2010-03-12T22:14:23Z")
I realize it probably counts as “fantasy”—although it _is_ a crime show—but I’m curious how Ned the pie-maker would fare against a couple neck-biters. If he touched them, would they come back to life? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/47 "2010-03-12T22:17:37Z")
Next on iCarly… Vampires are totally cool! ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/48 "2010-03-12T22:18:44Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Two and a half men last two and a half seconds. I think Berta would kill all the vamps at the end, assuming she couldn’t just get away. She reads as badass coward. > [@silenus](#): > > I think they are protected. Evelyn has…contacts. Oh, yes, I forgot this. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/49 "2010-03-12T23:49:36Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > The cast of \*How I Met your Mother \*will do surprisingly well, considering. Marshall, as we know, is freakin’ scary in a fight, and give Robin a six-pack and a sharpened hockey stick and she’ll be unstoppable. Lily and Barney may be useless in combat, but they’re both consummate schemers, which means that they’ll be able to put together an awesome tactical plan to defeat the vamps. Ted, though… Ted’s toast. But of course we all know that Lily is, in reality… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/50 "2010-03-13T04:15:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Sherlock Holmes has been mentioned, but what about Holmes-a-likes? Dr House might be safe for the same reason Monk is, but if push came to shove he’s a goner. I give William of Baskerville better odds. No. Foreman, Chase, Taub, and Thirteen would all die because they’d insist that the problem was lupus. House would eventually figure out it was vampirism and apply the appropriate remedy of garlic and wooden stakes. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/51 "2010-03-13T04:35:00Z")
The cast of _Jersey Shore_ would probably take out the whole lot of vamps. You do NOT want to drink what’s swimming in those peoples’ blood streams. Snooki alone probably has enough STDs as to be classified as a biological weapon. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2010, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/52 "2010-03-13T14:43:39Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > If Booth and Brennan turned up, things might get interesting 😃 I was waiting for someone to suggest that. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/53 "2010-03-16T01:00:47Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > The WWE or TNA wrestlers quickly get converted, and the next house show doesn’t go very well for the audience. Well, Edge and Christian are former vampires themselves, so I think they’d somehow manage. Maybe Matt Hardy, too. And of course, Kane and Undertaker are in no danger. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/54 "2010-03-16T03:03:58Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Now you’ve got me eager to seeing a Mayberry/Sunnydale crossover. Barney is toast, but Andy is surprisingly badass - he will notice things are “off” and avoid the first assaults long enough to consult with Bea, who, of course, has been practicing black magic in secret for decades… BARNEY (runs into courthouse)" ANDY! The daed are walkin’! Otis is a vampire! I seen it! ANDY : Now Barn, you know there ain’t no such things a vampires AUNTI BEE: I don’t know Andy, there have been some funny goings on out at the old high school. I’d be careful if I were you. ANDY: Hm. I still don’t thank it’s vampires, but we’ll wait till daylight, and have a good look around. OPIE: ‘kin I come, Pa? ANDY: Not this time, Opie, me an’ Barney will take care of it. You stay home and help Aunt Bee with the chores. BARNEY: An’ I’ll bring my silver bullet! ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/55 "2010-03-18T03:29:52Z")
HA! I killed the thread! I am VAN HELSING! ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/56 "2010-03-18T04:24:10Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Well, Edge and Christian are former vampires themselves, so I think they’d somehow manage. Maybe Matt Hardy, too. > > And of course, Kane and Undertaker are in no danger. Mankind and Stone Cold would probably do OK too. Mankind has done more harm to himself (plummeting from the top of the cage onto Gawd knows what pieces of splintered furniture are around), than any vamp could do to him. Stone Cold would either squash them with his Zamboni, ram them with a fork lift, or just let them bite him and watch them fall over with alcohol poisoning from all the beer in his system 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Pigs\_in\_Space](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@Pigs\_in\_Space](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pigs_in_Space)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260/57 "2010-03-19T04:28:20Z")
> [@vd](#): > > It doesn’t quite fit the requirements, because he’s from a fantasy show, but this thread makes me wonder what would happen if Ned the pie-maker touched a buffyverse vamp. Possessed live human without a soul? I think Emerson would do quite well, though it would get confusing if his ex showed up. The Magnum PI crew would fight the vampires while Higgins regaled them with stories of how he once fought vampires at a Hellmouth in Africa. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-fantasy-series-characters-would-do-best-worst-in-sunnydale/532260.md?page=2)