# What non-physical traits do you find attractive?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 3, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253 "2006-08-03T21:54:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/1 "2006-08-03T21:54:02Z")
Inspired by the “[Are funny women attactive?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=382301)” thread, what other non-physical traits do you find attractive?
For me, it’s, yes, a sense of humor, although it’s more of a, “she gets and enjoys my slightly oblique sense of humor” format.
I also find talent very attractive, especially women who can sing & draw well. I’ve done some musicals in the past and found that I was often very attracted to the better female singers.
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### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/2 "2006-08-03T21:57:33Z")
1. sense of humor similar to mine
2. ability to carry on an intelligent conversation
3. appreciation of art, literature etc
4. financially capable. Not necessarily well off, but smart with the money they do have.
I’m sure there’s more if I think it over, but those would be among my top 4.
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### Author:  [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/3 "2006-08-03T22:13:05Z")
Good dancers.
I spend so much of my social time dancing that I tend not to date people who are bad dancers.
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### Author:  [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/4 "2006-08-03T22:26:37Z")
> [@Antinor01](#):
>
> 1. ability to carry on an intelligent conversation
> 2. appreciation of art, literature etc
Those are absolute _essentials_ for me.
I would add:
– Kindness and generosity.
– A willingness to admit fault and to compromise.
– Playfulness.
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### Author:  [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/5 "2006-08-03T22:32:31Z")
All of these already mentioned:
Sense of humor similar to mine.
Ability to carry on an intelligent conversation.
Appreciation of art, literature etc.
Kindness and generosity.
A willingness to admit fault and to compromise.
Playfulness.
Plus a trait that I can only describe as a certain “relaxedness”. That is, to be the kind of person who doesn’t play games in relationships, who doesn’t call 'cause it’s my “turn” to call, that kind of stuff. The kind of person with whom you can have a mature relationship from the get-go without worrying about childish bullshit.
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/6 "2006-08-03T22:40:54Z")
Extreme, mind-boggling wealth.
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### Author:  [@percussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percussion)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/7 "2006-08-03T23:24:07Z")
Funny is huge…i mean really funny
Smart
passionate about something.
those are the big 3
Knowledge about classical is a plus too
I was very recently involved with something where the sex was to die for…I never thought it could get that good, but the person wasen’t passionate about anything. I had to end it! weird eh?
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### Author:  [@percussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percussion)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/8 "2006-08-04T01:26:56Z")
> [@percussion](#):
>
> Funny is huge…i mean really funny
> Smart
> passionate about something.
> those are the big 3
> Knowledge about classical is a plus too
>
> I was very recently involved with something where the sex was to die for…I never thought it could get that good, but the person wasen’t passionate about anything. I had to end it! weird eh?
I thought about another one, The ability to just relax and not be so demanding over time, if the person takes over my life it gets to be too much to bear…to have the ablilty to go out with friends with out feeling guilty is so crucial, Being chill i guess would be the trait.
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### Author:  [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/9 "2006-08-04T01:38:13Z")
Smart, of course.
Funny, but a certain type. Sarcastic wit.
Well read and/or artistic, but not so much guys who write, too (I’m too competitive)
A _touch_ of arrogance. (guys with a good sense of self-worth aren’t usually needy)
A sense of ambition at least equal to mine.
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### Author:  [@Zahava424](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zahava424)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/10 "2006-08-04T01:41:37Z")
> [@pravnik](#):
>
> Extreme, mind-boggling wealth.
Is that really a non-physical trait?
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/11 "2006-08-04T01:57:29Z")
One thing I’ve always found attractive in a man is a nice, hearty, sincere laugh. Not a bray, not a snicker, not a hoot, but a good, deep, manly sound of amusement. Big turn-on, especially if he’s laughing at something I said with the intent of being funny.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/12 "2006-08-04T02:06:49Z")
Charisma.
Take a room full of people, and the most obvious alpha male, the one that everyone is paying attention to, the guy with the strongest personality, that’s the one I’ll take, thanks. A larger-than-life personality to match my own strong personality. To my dismay, I’ve found that a lot of the men that have those traits can also be abusive and/or addicted to something. But I’m still looking.
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### Author:  [@mamakat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamakat)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/13 "2006-08-04T02:42:37Z")
To me, a guy who is good with kids is incredibly sexy. Men at the park laughing and joking with the younguns? Yummy! Maybe it’s because I have kids and when I eventually get married again (if I do) I want someone who will be a good dad to my kids, but I think it was attractive to me even before that.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/14 "2006-08-04T02:52:40Z")
A woman who doesn’t speak, or even think, in terms like _manly_ or _alpha male_.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/15 "2006-08-04T02:57:25Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#):
>
> A woman who doesn’t speak, or even think, in terms like _manly_ or _alpha male_.
But it’s not really a concious choice- it’s a primal thing. Oh that I could be attracted to a man based on his brain, or sense of personal style or some such thing, but alas it is not to be.
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/16 "2006-08-04T03:03:15Z")
Let’s see…
Similar sense of humor to mine
Intelligence–I’ve dated a few guys who were very pleasant, great to be around, but they weren’t as smart as I am and it was a bit of sticking point. Like my ex-fiance, who said that though he loved me, he could never figure out what I was talking about. Ouch.
Some kind of talent–singers, players of instruments, geeks, good cooks all interest and attract me
Well-read
Ambition is a big one. I have certain dreams, plans, and goals, and if not only does the person not have some of his/her own, but can’t understand why I want something other than the daily grind, that’s not a hopeful sign for us.
A sense of when to joke and when to be serious
Confidence without arrogance
Silliness–I grew up with two silly parents and various other silly relatives. Someone in my family is always doing something wacky and off-the-wall. I’m used to it, I like it, and I do it myself, so an appreciation for this is necessary. Expect and participate in the toothpick duels, by all means.
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### Author:  [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/17 "2006-08-04T03:04:17Z")
Dorky and/or geeky. I’m a sucker for it.
Mistah Smoooooth? Nah, you get your own girls.
Ridiculous fool? \ Call me!
heart
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### Author:  [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/18 "2006-08-04T03:09:59Z")
Funny.
Intelligent.
Speaks a foreign language.
Able to beat me three ways from Sunday at chess.
Funny.
Kindness. Really, that’s a much rarer commodity than you’d think. There are so few truly kind people in the world.
Did I mention funny?
Able to play the guitar like Eddie Van Halen.
I lucked out and found someone who’s all that.
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### Author:  [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/19 "2006-08-04T03:13:08Z")
Happiness, kindness, optimism, self respect, integrity.
I always seem to like secure guys who have faith in themselves and keep trying and who encourage me to keep trying too.
I noticed that when it comes to sex some guys really do seem to get off most on pleasing their partner and not to sound really greedy but that is probably my favourite attractive trait. I also notice a lot of guys with that trait tend to have most of the other ones that I like so I feel justified in giving it priority.
I’m often the victim of chemistry that I can’t explain but if I analyze it I think these are the traits that give me a good instinct towards a man or make me feel good and happy around him.
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### Author:  [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/20 "2006-08-04T03:52:34Z")
- a wide-ranging assemblage of knowledge about a variety of subjects (both stuff we share and stuff I don’t know about)
- (which relates to) geekiness (I appear to be primarily attracted to engineers)
- enthusiasm about favored subjects (best when many of these are shared interests)
- gamers
- punsters
- nurturing/caring/protective responses
- inclined to long-term, stable relationships
I find ‘musician’ an attraction factor, but I’ve had enough bad luck with guys who play the guitar well that I kinda burned out on evaluating it as a positive. ‘Appreciates a wide variety of music’ still a factor.
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