# What non-physical traits do you find attractive?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 3, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253 "2006-08-03T21:54:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Wnabtokio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wnabtokio)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2006, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/41 "2006-08-23T21:33:42Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#):
>
> I’m curious as to what you find sexy about it. Are you borderline arrogant yourself? Or just reassured by traditional gender roles - “that’s a _man_” to you?
I’m pretty arrogant myself, to tell the truth. And it’s less of a “being reassured by traditional gender roles” thing than a “I’m into BDSM and it doesn’t seem to work for me unless I have someone that’s fairly confident.” Maybe those are the same thing, I don’t know. It’s too much fun to quit, either way. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/42 "2006-08-23T23:32:54Z")
Doper Chicks Sign Up Here:
You must be,
1. Stubborn/debateful
2. Insane/teasing
3. A genius
4. Somewhat absentminded
5. Not let people get away with shit
Apply within.
---
### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/43 "2006-08-24T00:01:32Z")
I’d have to say that the top two things I look for in a woman, when all other issues like emotional stability and good family relations have been answered satisfactorily, are: _Does she read literature and informative nonfiction for intellectual pleasure?_ and _Can she beat me in Scrabble and/or chess?_
Intelligence is sexy as hell.
Also, I aine makin’ no dumb babies.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/44 "2006-08-24T10:06:44Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#):
>
> Doper Chicks Sign Up Here:
>
> You must be,
>
> 1. Stubborn/debateful
> 2. Insane/teasing
> 3. A genius
> 4. Somewhat absentminded
> 5. Not let people get away with shit
>
> Apply within.
Shit, Rat, you’re across a freaking ocean!
---
### Author:  [@FrantzJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrantzJ)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/45 "2006-08-24T10:26:47Z")
These are pretty good in a chick:
1. As opinionated as me, or close. (I spit on a copy of Eat The State in public last night)
2. Intelligent. Can’t lose with that.
3. Likes the same music as me, and not in a “yeah, I like all sorts of music!” way.
4. Understands that appearances are important so that we can get each other aroused, and have no meaning beyond that.
There are defenitely some other ones, but those are pretty good.
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### Author:  [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/46 "2006-08-24T13:54:15Z")
> [@percussion](#):
>
> haha, thats rare, someone that apreciates a good laugh, I get heckled for mine!
I like a good laugh as well.
Non-physical (i.e., not looks) traits?
[ul][li]Intellectual curiosity[/li][li]English humor — dry, ironic, and playfully sarcastic, with others and herself[/li][\*]Aplomb & savoir faire[/ul]
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/47 "2006-08-24T13:56:49Z")
Violin or piano-playing melts my heart.
Also humour, intelligence, blah, blah, blah. But those are so generic.
I like someone with a quick wit, too.
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### Author:  [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/48 "2006-08-24T14:03:03Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> Shit, Rat, you’re across a freaking ocean!
Actually, from you I’m just at the other end of the Eurasian continent (living in Tokyo) but of course that’s not much better.
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### Author:  [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/49 "2006-08-24T14:22:55Z")
\*High level artistic or musical talent
\*Creativity
\*Generally those at the tippity top of the intelligence bell curve are my favorites
\*Brutal honesty (only when it comes with the above)
\*Bisexuality (is that a non-physical one?)
\*Hilarious sense of humor
\*Crazy openmindedness
\*Absolute willingness to defy cultural and social norms if needed
\*Life experience which contains some struggle and challenges to overcome (not just coasting on a trust fund or something like that) ie. somewhere near my socioeconomic background.
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### Author:  [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/50 "2006-08-24T23:22:10Z")
Skill. It’s dead sexy to watch a man do something well, whether it’s put together an engine or cook a 3-course meal. Watching someone with their shirtsleeves rolled up, sweating, and making something good…mmm,mmm.
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by **mamakat**
> _To me, a guy who is good with kids is incredibly sexy_.
Oh, yeah. It bespeaks an underlying patience and gentleness (not wimpiness) and sense of humor.
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### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/51 "2006-08-25T00:02:09Z")
I’m with BURUNDI. I like a guy who’s . . . capable. And self-confident. Not arrogant, just comfortable in his own skin. Knows who he is, and knows he doesn’t have to prove it. Good with kids, and a good sense of humor.
And I’m a complete sucker for a man in uniform. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Sal\_Ammoniac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sal_Ammoniac)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2006, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/52 "2006-08-25T13:05:05Z")
I was going to start a thread on this, but this seems like as good a place as any to ask: does anybody care about handedness? As in, lefthandedness as a turn-on, or turn-off?
One of those questions that comes to you in the watches of the night.
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### Author:  [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/53 "2006-08-25T17:12:08Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#):
>
> One thing I’ve always found attractive in a man is a nice, hearty, sincere laugh. Not a bray, not a snicker, not a hoot, but a good, deep, manly sound of amusement. Big turn-on, especially if he’s laughing at something I said with the intent of being funny.
When my current boyfriend laughed on our first date, that’s when I knew I wanted to date him. It’s such a sincere laugh, so resonant and deep. I love it.
I used to think I had a lot of criteria, but it’s gotten narrowed down quite a bit:
–Must like cats. I have 5, and if you can’t deal with them for whatever reason, it’s not going to work.
–Must be truly easy-going. A lot of people think they’re easy-going, but most aren’t, including me. Two uber-serious people in a relationship ain’t a recipe for success.
–Independent but enjoys being in a relationship.
–Tells the truth about his past, his current feelings, his opinions.
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### Author:  [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/54 "2006-08-25T17:59:28Z")
1. Her voice. A beautiful voice is a joy. A horrible voice can kill off any other feelings within seconds.
2. Her ‘style’ of conversation and chat. A good conversationalist is one of life’s treasures.
3. Intelligence. Not the ‘show off’ kind, and not the ‘passed a gazillion exams’ kind. The kind that is just reassuringly non-stupid.
4. A sense of fun and silliness. Yeah, ‘sense of humour’ is a good start. But fun is even better.
5. Distinctiveness. Self-explanatory, really. Some women just stand out from the crowd because of their interests, lifestyle, manner… whatever. It’s nice to meet a change from the same old same old.
6. Personal confidence. It’s nice to meet someone who has sorted out all the neuroses, hang-ups and insecurities, is comfortable in her own skin and with her place in life, knows where she’s going and enjoys it.
7. Honesty, trustworthiness. If you haven’t got that, you haven’t got anything.
These are in no particular order.
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/55 "2006-08-26T15:35:55Z")
I’d like an intellectual. Not just an **intelligent** woman, but **intellectual** in taste and temperament, by the broad definition – passionately interested in knowledge and ideas for their own sake. And preferably passionately interested in the larger and deeper questions of life, including philosophy and politics. A woman with a very dark sense of humor. Well acquainted with the tragic sense of life. A woman who has been through the dark night of the soul and come out the other side more than once.
Failing that, a bimbo with a nice ass – they’re ever so much easier to find.
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/56 "2006-08-26T15:38:09Z")
> [@trublmakr](#):
>
> A larger-than-life personality to match my own strong personality. To my dismay, I’ve found that a lot of the men that have those traits can also be abusive and/or addicted to something.
Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/57 "2006-08-26T15:40:58Z")
> [@Telperien](#):
>
> Ambition is a big one. I have certain dreams, plans, and goals, and if not only does the person not have some of his/her own, but can’t understand why I want something other than the daily grind, that’s not a hopeful sign for us.
What if the guy **has** ambitions, but his are incompatible with yours?
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/58 "2006-08-26T15:47:53Z")
> [@fetus](#):
>
> It was quite surreal. I can’t remember having had a legitimately spontaneous moment like that with anyone since. I would kill to date a girl who I could have those moments with regularly.
“Regularly”? Would you schedule your outbursts of spontaneity for 7pm every Thursday? 😉
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2006, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/59 "2006-08-28T02:54:09Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#):
>
> What if the guy **has** ambitions, but his are incompatible with yours?
Examples, please.
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [August 28, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-non-physical-traits-do-you-find-attractive/367253/60 "2006-08-28T03:04:02Z")
> [@Telperien](#):
>
> Examples, please.
Well, suppose his ambitions are in politics and to advance his career he has to stay in his home state where he has friends and connections; but your ambitions are in the film industry, and to make you’re going to have to relocate to LA sooner or later.
Or both of you have political ambitions, but your political views and goals are diametrically opposed, and, unlike James Carville and Mary Matalin, you both take them too seriously to just agree to disagree and have a little friendly competition – each of you sincerely regards the other as the **enemy** in a very real and fundamental sense.
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