What NOT to do in London?

In My Humble Opinion
21

The cheapest way to use the buses and the underground (what we call ‘the Tube’) is to buy an Oyster Card. Just go to any bus or tube station and ask, and someone will explain where to go, how it works and what to do. More details here if you want them.

Cabs. This gets complicated!

We have what we call black cabs (most are black, but they can actually come in all sorts of colours). These are the only ones that are legally allowed to tout for passing trade on the street (meaning you just see one, stick out your hand or attract attention, and they come to you). The drivers have to pass a test called The Knowledge of London, which is hard and usually takes about 3 years. But it means they know where everywhere is, and the quickest way to get there. These cabs are insanely expensive. Do not use them if at all possible.

We also have what we call mini-cabs. These are normal guys with normal cars who will provide a taxi service. They are not legally allowed to tout for passing trade. Legally, you have to book them at a minicab office. In practice, this just means a guy standing in a doorway with a clipboard. Identified by a flashing yellow light over the door way. There are literally hundreds of these, all over London. These guys are not licensed and haven’t passed ‘the knowledge’. However, they will get you where you want to go, and they are massively cheaper than the black cabs. Always agree the fare before you get into the car!

We also have guys who just cruise around in the evening, hanging outside popular tourist spots, asking if you want a ride anywhere. These are not licensed, and they aren’t even associated with a minicab firm. They are just scumbags (usually) trying to earn some easy money. Avoid these people and tell them to get lost. There are many stories of people, especially women, who take these ‘cabs’ because they are cheap, then end up being driven somewhere and assaulted or having their possessions stolen. Do not have anything to do with them.

Never take a cab or a taxi to get to or from a London airport. You will pay a fortune. There are good public transport alternatives, involving buses or underground services, that are faster and way, way less of a ripoff.

Cell phones. Good advice from InkBlot. Be aware that Britain has probably the highest charges for Telco services of any country in the world. ‘Roaming’ is always expensive, but roaming charges plus UK charges equals losing a fortune. Either follow Inkblot’s advice or you could even try doing without a cell phone for a while. It is possible!

Food. Rule one: never eat in a hotel or in a restaurant that is under hotel management. You will be ripped off and pay a fortune. Rule two: be prepared to be shocked how much you get charged in cafes and restaurants for even simple things like coffee. Welcome to Ripoff Britain.

The smart move is to do what Londoners do: go to a store or a supermarket, buy food you can either take back and prepare yourself, or ready-to-eat stuff like sandwiches and ready made salads. Much cheaper, but generally of very good quality. Places likes Marks & Spencer, Sainsbury and Tesco have good selections of ready-to-eat food at good prices, and they are everywhere.

If you want to eat out at a restaurant in the evening, avoid anything that looks or smells like a tourist trap, and forget official guides like Zagat’s. Go out of the city centre if you can. Find a small neighbourhood curry house or Italian place, and you’ll have good food and good service at a reasonable price. Be aware that adding alcohol to any meal in the UK always adds a lot to the bill. Make do with water if you can.

Also be aware that Indian food may not have a very high reputation in the US (so I’m told), but over here it’s considered wonderful and more or less essential to the London experience. Tasty, satisfying, generally of very good quality and always very inexpensive. And they’ll help you to order something you’ll like, if you’re not very familiar with an Indian menu!

This is a very cosmopolitan city, so you can find just about any kind of cuisine if you look for it: Indian, Chinese, Italian, Thai, Cambodian, Russian, French, Nepalese, Tapas, Japanese (sushi is big over here) and so on. But the smart move is always the same: go out of the city centre, explore smaller neighbourhoods, and find small, likeable places where you will get good value.

22

Things NOT to do in London – look left before crossing a two-way street. :smiley:

23

I disagree about black cabs. They used to be more expensive, but in recent years that’s changed. One time I had to get a taxi from Lewisham to Bethnal Green, a long distance late at night and even (shock! horror!) crossing the river. The minicab firm quoted me £30, the black cab said it’d probably be about £25, and it ended up costing £20. They also seat five rather than four - though, of course, some minicabs now are huge 7-seaters.

Depends where in London you are, of course. In the West End there aren’t any minicab firms (just illegal minicab drivers - agreed, avoid them like the plague), and in the suburbs you won’t be able to hail a black cab.

24

It’s actually called Camden Lock. I never know whether to recommend it or not. Personally, I love the place and I think it’s a must-see. Be aware: most of Camden Lock looks rather shabby and a bit dirty. This is a deal-breaker for many. However, if you’re not put off by this, then it’s a wonderful place and you can easily spend a whole day there.

Unique atmosphere, strong on counter-culture, alternative lifestyles and people asserting their right to do their own thing. Lots of cool, trendy people selling stuff they’ve made, everything from weird clothing to jewellery, wooden boxes, antiques, memorabilia and stuff that’s hard to classify. It isn’t just open at weekends, but definitely choose either Sat or Sun to go, because these are the best days. It will get crowded, but this is part of the fun and the atmosphere. Lots of good food and drink to be had, so make a day of it.

Don’t take a boat trip along the canal itself - nothing to see, bit boring, largely pointless. Just wander around all the markets (there are more of them than you think). Easy to get to, just take the tube to Camden and when you get to street level either follow the crowds or just ask someone. If you like a drink, be sure to go into the End of The World pub (directly opposite the tube station). It’s fun to have your photo taken standing under the name!

25

I thought it was kind of fun, my roommate and I posed for some cute photos there, but it’s definitely very overpriced for what it is – basically a big gift shop, some rooms decorated in Victorian style, and some wax dummies in scenes from Holmes stories. They don’t have Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s first drafts or anything like that, not even props from the movies. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a “must miss”, but Holmes fans could get about as much of a thrill for free visiting the statue outside Baker Street Station.

26

Hi Sam! Surely shome mistake? What about the dozens and dozens of ‘yellow light over the doorway’ places? They aren’t illegal and they are all over the West End. There are at least ten just 500 yards from Dean Street! They are operating within the law. The illegal guys are the ones who just come up to you outside the theatre or whatever and ask you, ‘Wanna taxi, mate?’. Am I missing something?

27

Maybe I just haven’t noticed them, then. :confused:

28

There is a place in Leicester Square where you can wait in line and then get discount tickets for live theatre shows. It tends to be very popular with visitors and tourists.

Good news: it’s for real, and you can get really good cut-price tickets, way cheaper than the ‘normal’ prices.

Not so good news. You never know what tickets they will have, for which shows. You just have to get there, see and hope. Sometimes people get stuck with tickets that turn out to have a really lousy view, like almost directly behind a pillar or a gazillion miles from the stage (we have some very big theatres). You don’t normally get to choose where you sit, or to see a seating plan of the theatre so you can gauge if you think the tickets are any good. If the seats turn out to be rubbish, you have no redress and you won’t get a refund. It’s pot luck.

My advice: use Discount Theatre dot com instead, if at all possible. Lots of truly excellent bargains, an easy site to use, and you get a better idea of exactly what seats you’re getting before you commit to buying them. I live here and I use this site all the time, and I’ve never been disappointed. At times I’ve been genuinely but pleasantly amazed at the excellent value they offer. (No, I have no connection to this site and this is an honest, independent testimonial!)

29

Tube! That’s the word I was forgetting. Best I had on tap was “Underground” from the signs. Thanks.

Lot of good info I never knew. I’ve always used black cabs, but never found the cost that startling.

Yes, very, very true. All the major airports have some sort of train service, and even the Gatwick Express is cheaper than trying to taxi. My last trip, we came in Heathrow and took the train to Paddington, and from their a cab to our hotel. Cab fare was only around £12.

More excellent advice from ianzin. When I look at a cafe or restaurant, I use the “tourist” test. Do the people eating their look like locals or tourists? First trip a few years back, we ate breakfast at our hotel…it was horrible! The next morning, we decided to skip it. Between the hotel and the nearest tube station, we found a tiny cafe serving breakfast - smelled so good we had to go in. It was nearly packed, but we were the only tourists. The rest were locals, getting breakfast, coffee, reading papers…we’ve actually been back to that same place several times over the years, and it’s always just as good as the last time.

30

You can say that again–the Tate Modern rocks and is well worth a visit.

I agree on Harrod’s (stick to the food hall, only), but have to add The London Eye. Sure the view is nice, but it is a sloooooow trip and once you’ve enjoyed the view, you still have another 20 minutes stuck in this glass tube with another two dozen people–many of whom are tourists who you may find simply insufferable. Definitely not worth the cost or the wait.

31

There are in fact several discount theatre booths in and around the square. They seem to all have exactly the same tickets at exactly the same price. My experience has been different to yours. Whenever I’ve bought a ticket there I have always been offered a choice of seat, been told exactly where the seat is, and if there’s a “restricted view” (i.e. you’re siting behind a pillar)

32

I forgot that one. I used to work as a tour guide (not an official blue badge tour guide, because I can’t afford the cost of training, but taking groups of foreign students and their teachers around London), and they always wanted to go to the London Eye. Even though I got free tickets, from the second time I just didn’t bother going on. The view’s nice, but you can go to the nearby City Hall top floor and see pretty much the same for free while knowing that you’re walking through the offices of the Mayor of London and his staff.

The queue’s also horrendous. I seem to be talking a lot about queues in this thread - what a British cliche. :smiley: I don’t know why they don’t have roving entertainers in queues like that.

Speaking of City Hall, though: one of my tourist groups was insistent about seeing 10 Downing St. I told them it was pointless, as you couldn’t actually go in there or even very near there, and it wasn’t an unusual building anyway, but they were the paying customers so we went.

A long walk resulted in everyone spending five minutes having photos taken against some black railings through which you could just about see a terraced house that could have been any terraced house in the rest of the UK.

The Changing of the Guard, as someone else said, is not that interesting to watch. However, the location means that it’s easy to decide to go to somewhere nearby and, because it’s easy, wander over to Buck House at the right time. Not something to go out of your way for, but fine as a short diversion.

Buck House itself is open when the OP is visiting. Some people think it’s bad, but I really liked it the one time I went. The only mark against it is that you have to pay, so you might as well spend far less money dropping donations into the boxes at the many free attractions that are as good if not better.

@OP: if you were planning on going to the theatre, then the time you’re visiting is not a good one. It’s during the time that kids get free tickets to almost all London shows (if they’re with an adult buying a ticket at any price). There won’t be as many cheap deals.

A good website for cheap deals - usually BOGOF - is Days Out Guide. You have to give them an email address and print off a voucher, but it is a good way to save a lot of money on many of the paying attractions. Sometimes you’re supposed to have a train ticket; IME, nobody ever asks for one, but buying a train ticket for a quid is far cheaper than paying, say £17 for entry to the Tower. (The Tower’s one of my few must-sees, btw).

33

Okay, thanks Peter, I sit corrected. Perhaps my information is a little out of date and they have got their act together. A few years ago there was a big fuss about the selling of dissatisfactory tickets to unsuspecting tourists, and problems like ‘restricted view’ not being made clear.

I still think the discount website I linked to is a good one to use, if possible,

34

I have never been to The Clink Prison, and never will!!! The thing is, it’s a fake!! The real prison was burned down during the Gordon Riots in 1780. What remains is just an old warehouse which somebody thought might be used to part unsuspecting tourists with their cash.

Another thing NOT to do is confuse the layout of the Tube map (warning - pdf) with actual geography. For example getting from Regents Park to Great Portland Street (square 4C on the map) by tube is tortuous yet the stations are practically next to each other at street level. Do yourself a favor, buy a pocket A-Z and try walking as much as you can. You will get a better idea of where you are and discover loads of places you might otherwise miss.

35

A very kind and wise friend gave me an A-Z as a gift before I went to London. It was very useful. I walked all over the place and didn’t get lost once.

Something funny that I did not expect was that more than once people on the street – as far as I could tell, Londoners – would stop me, the foreign tourist, to ask if they could check a location in my A-Z! The first time this happened it took me a second to realize what the woman was even asking me. My immediate thought was “What on earth is my ayetazed?” Then I remembered that the letter we Americans pronounce “zee” is known as “zed” in other countries.

36

Some of those stations do have really helpful signs up now, saying pretty much ‘don’t get the tube to this station - walk, you fool!’ But such signs are easy to miss in crowds.

This site tells you when not to bother with the tube.

Still, occasionally it is actually easier to spend ten confident minutes changing tube lines with the very easy to understand tube maps, rather than wandering lost and stressed out on the streets for half an hour. It depends how good your sense of direction is.

37

This bears repeating. My brain was telling me to look to the right, and there are even signs on the street to that effect . . . but I couldn’t shake the habit of looking to the left. So I wound up looking both ways all the time.

38

I always look both ways anyway. It’s easier than checking whether it’s a two way street or a one-way street - and hereabouts it sometimes seems like there are more one-way streets than two way - and it takes into account emergency vehicles which are allowed to go the wrong way as well as idiot drivers who think they are.

39

This is just me, so compare and contrast to yourself.

  1. Skip all museums. I can love museums, but only if I’ve done hours and hours of research beforehand. If they’re your thing, then by all means, study them and go to them. They are magnificent in London.

  2. The tube is wonderful. It’s been ten years, but back then you could get discount passes for non-rush hour times, which worked out well anyway.

  3. Restaurants? London is so big that it’s tough to do the research because who knows where you’ll be when you’re hungry? That being said, the food there, in general, is the worst food you’ll ever eat. Doing just slight research will enable you to eat the best food you’ve ever had. I’m sure others here will have better advice on finding it. (The web was pretty new ten years ago.)

Those are my only “don’ts.” I loved London…it’s the only city in the entire world, besides where I love, that I get homesick for.

40

Yes, they are. Well, some of them. Our Natural History Museum is the very best of its kind in the world. This isn’t chauvinism… it really is! And some would say it’s even worth visiting at least once just to see the building itself, which is spectacular. Our Science Museum isn’t quite as good as places like the San Francisco Exploratorium, but it’s still pretty darned good (especially the section devoted to optical toys and devices down the ages). Both of these are in the same part of London, called Kensington, which is a nice area to wander round, and it’s close to some other touristy attractions as well.

Agreed. And the discount thing has been covered… see Oyster Card above.

The ‘London food = rubbish’ meme refuses to die, but it just isn’t true, whichever rational criteria you want to apply. The Pellegrino Guide to the top 50 restaurants in the world says there are 8 in the entire USA and 4 in the UK. If you want Michelin stars, there are a staggering number to be found in London. Look, this is a vast cosmopolitan city. It contains everything from cheap, nasty restaurants serving food not fit for a dog to places like Le Gavroche, possibly the finest restaurant in Europe. As such, it acts as a sort of culinary Rorschach Test. You see what you want to see, you find what you want to find.

Clearly, this is always going to be a matter of personal opinion and subjective judgment. I personally would strongly advise against eating in any restaurant that has any connection whatsoever to Mr Gordon Ramsey, because I’ve been to several and I’ve always felt it was a truly wretched experience. But others will say different. I’ve visited many cities around the world, sampling both the finest restaurants and the cheapest cafes. Generally speaking, London is no worse than some, and better than many.

I think the real scandal is not the quality, but the price. You can find good food everywhere in London if you look around, but what is very hard to find is good value. Hence my earlier advice about how to eat relatively inexpensively - which for most Londoners, most of the time, simply means diving into the nearest Indian place. We love our Indian restaurants, and there are literally hundreds in the city, almost one on every street! If you like Indian food, you can even visit Brick Lane, where there are about 50 Indian restaurants side by side, all competing hard for your tourist pounds. At busy times they all have guys outside trying to entice you in with special discounts and cut price offers, and there are genuine bargains to be had.