# What NOT to do while watching "Passion" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 27, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501 "2004-02-27T18:40:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/61 "2004-02-29T16:46:01Z")
Do not assemble a large claque of atheists, skeptics, SubGenii, Discordians, Merry Pranksters, and generally naughty and high-spirited cutups. Do not study and rehearse all of the lines, quips, pranks, etc., listed above in this thread. Do not dress up in period costumes with Pharisees and Romans predominating, go to the movie in a body, get there early, and grab the whole first three or four rows. Do not laugh, whistle, stamp and cheer every time something painful happens to Jesus. When Jesus rises from the grave (as I assume he does – haven’t seen the flick), do not start screaming “Ripoff!” and “Nail him up again! Get it right!” As the other audience members are walking out of the theater in somber, just-got-whacked-on-the-head-with-a-two-by-four, _Schindler’s List_-quality silence, do not gabble and high-five each other and say things like, “Let’s have a Second Coming and we’ll do Him again!” Do not repeat the above steps every week so long as the movie is in town. Do not forget to retain a good lawyer in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/62 "2004-02-29T17:12:19Z")
Get two friends, dress like Crow, Tom Servo, and Joel (or the other guy), and make constant wisecracks ala MST3K. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/63 "2004-02-29T18:06:17Z")
Do not stand up at the end of the movie and scream out “THIS MOVIE IS RACIST! IT PORTRAYS THE DEVIL AS A WHITE WOMAN!” BTW, we’re all going to hell for this thread, but we’ll be laughing all through the trip. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/64 "2004-02-29T18:40:32Z")
During the crucifixion scene, do not yell out “If you’re Jesus and you know it, clap your hands!” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/65 "2004-02-29T18:48:40Z")
Do not sing the Leon Rosselson classic, “Stand Up for Judas” ([http://www.mysongbook.de/msb/songs/s/standupf.html](http://www.mysongbook.de/msb/songs/s/standupf.html)): > [@](#): > > Now Jesus brought division where none had been before > Not the slaves against their masters but the poor against the poor > Set son to rise up against father, and brother to fight against brother > For he that is not with me is against me, was his teaching > Said Jesus, I am the answer > You unbelievers shall burn forever, shall die in your sins > Not sheep and goats, said Judas, But together we may dare > Shake off the chains of misery we share > > Chorus: > So stand up, stand up for Judas and the cause that Judas served > It was Jesus who betrayed the poor with his word ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/66 "2004-02-29T18:58:04Z")
Do not shout out, “Crucifixion’s not such a bad way to go, really.” Do not sing _Whip it!_ by Devo. Do not begin performing a gay marriage ceremony. Do not ask, “Where’s the crack suicide squad of the People’s Front of Judea?” Do not shout, “When are they gonna make a sequel? I’ve been waiting _years_ for it!” Do not ask, “How tender do you like your martyr?” Do not shout, “‘Bob’ loves you, man!” at any point during the film. Do not shout, “Bringest out thou, the holy handgrenade of Antioch!” Do not cruise the theater with _Jesus Built My Hotrod_ by Ministry blaring at high volumes. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/67 "2004-02-29T18:58:08Z")
DO NOT act out the crucifix scene from _The Exorcist_. Don’t yell out, “Oh, that’s going to leave a mark.” Don’t say (in a Edward G. Robinson voice). “Where’s your Messiah, now?” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/68 "2004-02-29T19:04:32Z")
Oh yeah, when they’re whipping Jesus, don’t say, “Who’s on top and who’s on bottom now, Jesus?” Don’t say, “Man, 33 years old and the only piece of ass he get’s is a hunk out of his own. No wonder he’s always pissed off.” ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/69 "2004-02-29T19:04:34Z")
After he’s risen from the grave, do not say, “I think they’re leaving room for a sequel.” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/70 "2004-02-29T19:49:44Z")
When Jesus is being mocked, shout “Who’s your Daddy? Who’s your Diety?” ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/71 "2004-02-29T20:19:35Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > Unus! (crack) Duo! (crack) Tria! (crack) Quartuor! (crack)… viginti octo! (crack) viginti novem! (crack), um, uh, dang! Teacher never taught us what the Latin for “thirty” is! Triginta. 29 is undetriginta. When he said thirty and I was right, I shouted “Yes!”. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/72 "2004-02-29T20:20:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Sint mihi dei acherontis propitij, valeat numen triplex Iehouae, ignei, aerij, Aquatani spiritus saluete, Orientis princeps Beelzebub, inferni > ardentis monarcha et demigorgon, propitiamus vos, apariat et surgat Mephistophilis, quod tumeraris, per Iehouam gehennam et consecratam aquam quam nunc spargo, signumque crusis quod nunc facio, et per vota nostra ipse nunc surgat nobis dicaetis Mephistophilis Qui? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/73 "2004-02-29T20:23:31Z")
Another thing not to shout out when they’re whipping Jesus, “The power of Christ compells you.” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/74 "2004-02-29T20:48:25Z")
[Have some cartoons!](http://cagle.slate.msn.com/news/PassionChrist/main.asp) ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/75 "2004-02-29T21:13:19Z")
DO NOT shout: “Ah, I love the smell of navel in the morning” ---
**Author:** ![captainQwark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@captainQwark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/captainQwark)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/76 "2004-03-01T02:26:02Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Keep repeating _Sint mihi dei acherontis propitij, valeat numen triplex Iehouae, ignei, aerij, Aquatani spiritus saluete, Orientis princeps Beelzebub, inferni > ardentis monarcha et demigorgon, propitiamus vos, apariat et surgat Mephistophilis, quod tumeraris, per Iehouam gehennam et consecratam aquam quam nunc spargo, signumque crusis quod nunc facio, et per vota nostra ipse nunc surgat nobis dicaetis Mephistophilis_ in a low, rumbling tone. > > Or fake stigmata. Whatever turns your crank. isn’t that the prose speech that Dr. Faustus says to conjure up a demon in Marlowe’s _Dr. Faustus_ ? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/77 "2004-03-01T02:39:07Z")
Yes, sir. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/78 "2004-03-01T07:39:29Z")
When they bring Jesus out to be crucified, do not, do NOT, DO NOT shout: “Burn him, burn him! He’s a witch! He turned me into a fundie!” Do not, do NOT, DO NOT have a friend respond to you: “A witch?” Do not, do NOT, DO NOT respond after a few seconds “I got better…” Any tomb shot, do not shout “Bring out yer dead!” Generally speaking, Monty Python would be a baaaaad thing to quote at any point in time. Especially “Always look on the bright side of life”… ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/79 "2004-03-01T08:54:45Z")
I’m such a smart-ass, I have to think God will forgive me for this. After all, He made me, and therefore my sense of humor. Background: this was my second viewing. While Caiphus is on the donkey during the actual hanging sequence, I thought, “hey look! An ass!!!..And he’s riding a donkey!” I’m going to Hell for even posting this. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/80 "2004-03-01T13:11:56Z")
Do not say “Try walking on water with those holes” after they nail the feet. Don’t quote an old Straight Dope column: Truly, he was the Son of God. Time to change the calendar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501.md?page=5)