# What NOT to do while watching "Passion" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 27, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501 "2004-02-27T18:40:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/81 "2004-03-01T13:19:42Z")
When Jesus cries “Why have you forsaken me?!” don’t start singing Chop Suey by System of a Down. Don’t sing along with the subtitles. Don’t loudly complain that Gibson is using Church Latin rather than a more historically version of the language. At the end of the movie, when everyone is sitting very quietly and letting everything sink in, do _not_ break out in hysterical laughter. Bad form. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/82 "2004-03-01T13:53:23Z")
Don’t make the mistake of thinking the movie is _Jesus & I_, and shouting out your favourite lines. “You’re lookin’ very beautiful man. St. Peter will probably preach the epistles to the apostles dressed like that.” “The joint I am about to roll requires a craftsman, and can utilise up to twelve skins. It is called a Gethsemane Carrot.” “Herod you terrible cunt!” “We want the finest wines known to humanity. We want them here, and we want them now… Blimey! Nice one Jesus!” “GET ON THE BACK OF THE CROSS!” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/83 "2004-03-01T19:57:02Z")
> [@widdershins](#): > > Dress as Satan. You knew [_someone_ would](http://www.hoosiergazette.com/News/news022.htm). > [@](#): > > Management is in the process of creating new guidelines for preventing people dressed as “evil beings” from gaining entrance to the theatre. (Well, someone _probably_ has, somewhere, anyway.) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/84 "2004-03-01T21:17:02Z")
When J-man is being taken off the cross, say, in Arnie’s voice, “I’ll be back.” Just before J-man is hung on the cross, say, “Hello, is this the Judea Hilton? Yeah, can you put me up for the night?” Throw a half-chewed jujubee at the screen (so it sticks), then exclaim “The jujubees killed Jesus!” ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/85 "2004-03-01T21:22:03Z")
Do **NOT** Quote the following Bill Hicks passage: > [@](#): > > A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f-----’ cross? It’s kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/86 "2004-03-01T21:22:35Z")
“Man, this is a total ripoff of _Life of Brian_.” “On the whole, I think I prefer the book.” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/87 "2004-03-02T03:29:48Z")
[Ask loudly if anyone has the Mark of the Beast on their ticket stub.](http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20040301104709990009&_mpc=news%2e6) ---
**Author:** ![Scribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Scribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribe)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/88 "2004-03-02T03:46:03Z")
I noticed that Mel didn’t have a shot of a Roman soldier syaing “Truly this was the son of God!”. I guess that he didn’t want people to be reminded of the movie where John Wayne had a cameo as that soldier. (John Wayne voice: “Tru-ly, this was the Sun of Gawd!”) ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/89 "2004-03-02T05:00:12Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > 1. Announce the sequel: “Inquisition: The Revenge of the Christians” How about _The Passion Revelations_? I hear that the scene where Jesus and the Keymaster hijack a white horse and battle an entire army of replicated Satans is supposed to be the most complicated sequence ever put on film. ---
**Author:** ![schplebordnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@schplebordnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schplebordnik)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/90 "2004-03-02T05:44:47Z")
Don’t comment “Who the Hell is that actor? That’s got to be the worst Aramaic accent I’ve ever heard!” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/91 "2004-03-02T06:08:46Z")
I for one will not be making cheesy comments during the crucifixion scene, I will be too busy eating. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/92 "2004-03-02T06:10:25Z")
Or if I’m lucky, making out. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/93 "2004-03-02T06:29:09Z")
Don’t, during the crucifixion, shout “DIE! DIE you miserable BASTARD! SPQR! Roma _FOREVER!_” Or…“This is the ‘Spike, Iron, half-cubit.’ Standard Roman Army issue, and the most powerful nail in the _world_…So, do you feel holy? Do ya…_punk?_” Or, after leaving the theater, loudly muse “It’s sad, really…with modern psychiatric medication, he could have led a normal and productive life!” ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/94 "2004-03-02T07:22:34Z")
Right before the nailing, do NOT say to your companion, “This is where He takes one for the team.” ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/95 "2004-03-02T07:32:30Z")
Say: “Hey ma, I can see the house from here” Ask: “Did Mary Magdalene make Jesus pay again for the second coming?” ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/96 "2004-03-02T07:49:53Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Do not ask, “Where’s the crack suicide squad of the People’s Front of Judea?” That’s the Judean People’s Front! The sworn enemy of the People’s Front of Judea, and the Front of the Judean People, and the Judean People’s Popular Front. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/97 "2004-03-02T07:56:26Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > You knew [_someone_ would](http://www.hoosiergazette.com/News/news022.htm) [dress as Satan]. From the above link: 'Once inside the movie, Christians began pelting Wendell with Gummy Bears, Ju-Ju Bees, and popcorn. Management got involved after a 75-year-old woman, Hazel Meyer, poured a 64-ounce Coca-Cola on Wendell. Tim Tolbert, General Manager of Kerasotes Stadium 16, asked Wendell to leave because he was such a disruptive presence. “Our corporate policy is to eject anyone that interferes with the movie experience of fellow patrons,” Tolbert said.’ Some old lady poured a half gallon of Coke on him, and **he’s** the one interfering with the movie patrons?! Somebody’s got their wires crossed here. (So to speak.) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/98 "2004-03-02T08:46:19Z")
It behooves me to (more clearly) point out that that _is_ a (pretty astonishingly lame) spoof news site. Observe: [_“Real” news_ - **Indiana Attorney General Weighs In On Same Sex Marriages**](http://www.wcpo.com/news/2004/local/02/23/samesex.html) > [@](#): > > Attorney General Steve Carter said the Indiana state statute that defines marriage as an act between a man and a woman has been under attack and he’s calling on the legislature to give a hearing to the bill that would prohibit same sex marriage no matter what happens with the rest of the country. [_Hoosier Gazette_ - **Gay marriage to be legal in Indiana**](http://www.hoosiergazette.com/News/news019.htm) > [@](#): > > “I don’t care if two guys want to ramrod each other, as long as they vote for Steve Carter on election day,” said Rep. Steve Carter, D-21st District. “As tight as the elections have been in some districts in recent years, some of us need every vote we can get.” The “Guy Dresses as Satan” story is poor satire because real news is usually funnier, and the “Same Sex Marriage” bit is poor satire because it’s clearly written by a thirteen year old under the influence of a six-pack of shitty beer he stole from his old man. (Don’t feel bad about the whoosh – I found the link presented at face value at (the usually more discerning and media-savvy) Jim Romenesko’s 'blog. I see he has since taken it down, so I imagine he was taken in, too.) ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/99 "2004-03-02T13:54:52Z")
I was going to say “die” but that would be in poor taste. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501/100 "2004-03-02T19:40:26Z")
Professor Frink voice: “Owww…with the hammers…and the nailing…glavin!..” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-not-to-do-while-watching-passion/231501.md?page=6)