# What % of women would cheat on their Mr's given the right circumstances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2005, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019 "2005-01-10T08:45:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/41 "2005-01-11T21:46:07Z")
> [@Jane D'oh!](#): > > I have a totally different take on this. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this point. I believe some women will never cheat for precisely the emotional reasons you state, but I also believe that as many men wouldn’t cheat for exactly the same reasons- maybe phrased differenty, but basically the same. > > I think that in the real world as many women cheat as men. I think a lot of women lie - to themselves, to each other, to the people who survey them about the whole cheating thing. And while some women could not see cheating on the man they love more than anything regardless of his flaws, as many men would not risk the loss of child(ren) for a fling or a momentary lapse of reason in an airport. > > Because really, who are these married men cheating with? No, what I’m really saying/asking (it’s clear to me now and hopefully I can make it that way for you) is that I have three personal “point estimates” of men who’s wives cheated on them, and who didn’t have a clue (they would have said that their marriages were at least average if not better than average). In addition, I have met all of their wives on numerous occassions and most people would describe them as mature, attractive, caring, likeable women. When I think of “cheating guys” there is a steriotypical “Mark Peterson” type image of a “salesey” (as if that were a word) type guy who pretty much advertises to the world that he is a “player” (even if his SO is sometimes the last to see this). Thus, when such guys cheat it is not surprising. On the other hand with these women, well I would never pick them out of a “line up” as being cheaters. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Deschain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@Roland\_Deschain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Deschain)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/42 "2005-01-11T21:51:07Z")
> [@Roland Deschain](#): > > No, what I’m really saying/asking (it’s clear to me now and hopefully I can make it that way for you) is that I have three personal “point estimates” of men who’s wives cheated on them, and who didn’t have a clue (they would have said that their marriages were at least average if not better than average). In addition, I have met all of their wives on numerous occassions and most people would describe them as mature, attractive, caring, likeable women. When I think of “cheating guys” there is a steriotypical “Mark Peterson” type image of a “salesey” (as if that were a word) type guy who pretty much advertises to the world that he is a “player” (even if his SO is sometimes the last to see this). Thus, when such guys cheat it is not surprising. On the other hand with these women, well I would never pick them out of a “line up” as being cheaters. Also, and I’m not sure if this is relevent but I will offer it up for discussion anyway in all three cases (in my non expert opinion) the women were significantly more attractive (as women) than they were/are as guys. On a scale of one to ten (with the early 30’s middle class population of the MidWest being a reference point) I would rate the guys on attractiveness as somewhere around 5, 6, and 7 respectively and the women in the range of 7, 8, and 9 with an equal or better education to go with the looks. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/43 "2005-01-11T21:55:07Z")
> [@Jane D'oh!](#): > > I have a totally different take on this. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this point. I believe some women will never cheat for precisely the emotional reasons you state, but I also believe that as many men wouldn’t cheat for exactly the same reasons- maybe phrased differenty, but basically the same. > > I think that in the real world as many women cheat as men. Actually, we might agree. I wasn’t necessarily meaning this is gender-specific–I just related it to women because that’s what the thread was about, and what I (as a woman) can relate. I didn’t mean to imply that only women were swayed by not wanting a guilty conscience. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/44 "2005-01-11T22:07:37Z")
I would never cheat on a significant other, because I would not be in a relationship in which faithfulness is defined as sexual exclusivity. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/45 "2005-01-12T00:24:59Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I would never cheat on a significant other, because I would not be in a relationship in which faithfulness is defined as sexual exclusivity. Ditto. **supervenusfreak** and I have had an open relationship since the very beginning of our involvement, and have had numerous playmates (safer sex only!) both together and as individuals. Jealousy and guilt don’t play here, chile… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019/46 "2005-01-12T02:18:35Z")
> [@SlowMindThinking](#): > > Do you really think the infidelity rate is higher for couples not in trouble than for couples not in trouble? No, I’m saying I think a higher percentage of non-counseling couples cheat than counseling couples. Just based on my observations of how hard it is to get couples into counseling, even those who desperately need it. I think many couples who seek counseling do so before one of them cheats, so those stats are low for “troubled couples”. On the other hand, couples who refuse to do counseling in a poor relationship cheat more often as a way of coping (or not coping) with their stressful relationship. Add to those the people who don’t consider their marriage troubled, and so do not seek counseling, but cheat anyway. So, while I agree that couples who cheat are usually (but not always) “in trouble”, I suspect that cheating is used more often than counseling as a coping mechanism. I have absolutely nothing to base this on other than observation of vast numbers of terrible relationships wherein one or more spouse refuses counseling. The couples I know in counseling deal with their problems before it gets so bad that cheating is the only way out. I think counseling is a preventative for cheating, and therefore the cheating stats in a counseling sample are lower than the public at large, both troubled marriages cheating but not seeking counseling and “untroubled marriages” where cheating is going on. Sorry, I wasn’t very clear before. > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I would never cheat on a significant other, because I would not be in a relationship in which faithfulness is defined as sexual exclusivity. In my marriage, I ditto this. In previous relationships (not married), I did cheat in one. I’ve been cheated on in several. That was one large reason I sought a poly mate. It’s not the sexual behavior itself that destroyed my relationships, it’s the attendant lying and breaking of trust. Now there isn’t as much of a risk of that. (Although, as I stated above, it’s still possible.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-of-women-would-cheat-on-their-mrs-given-the-right-circumstances/284019.md?page=2)