# What offends you? And why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791 "2010-11-24T17:16:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/21 "2010-11-25T17:17:28Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > There’s a difference between offense and anger. Offensive things are hurtful things. There are a lot of things that really bug me, or even make me angry, but very little that you can do to offend me. That’s funny, because anger is my emotional gauge for how offended I am. There are things that _annoy_ me – and some things annoy me probably more than they should – but annoyance isn’t anger, and I’m not offended by such things even if I don’t have a lot of patience for them. If I’m annoyed by something, I’ll try to avoid it as much as I can, but I won’t be burning an awful lot of angst on it, as I have better uses of my energy. If I’m actually _offended,_ I’m spitting furious. I think the gold standard for “offensive” for me is: someone who is clearly attempting to hurt someone else _on purpose._ So this covers everything from dishonesty to the stuff that will land you in prison. Hurting someone physically or mentally is more offensive than hurting them by taking/damaging their property. Dishonesty in particular is really offensive, because 1\> it is by definition a choice, you can’t lie “by accident” so it requires either true malice or extreme self-centeredness, and 2\> nearly everything else that’s offensive has a large element of dishonesty involved. It’s sort of a “root of all evil” kind of thing. It’s also the one offensive thing I run into most often, which I’m sure is part of it. It ticks me off how common it is, particularly since honesty is _easier._ Lying also requires a great deal of effort (to keep stories straight, to prevent people learning the truth from another source, etc.) and it offends me if someone is willing to burn all that energy on maintaining a lie, but not on honestly dealing with whatever the problem is. On the other hand, cluelessness doesn’t offend me, although it does occasionally annoy and frustrate me, sometimes a lot, depending on what it is. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_Doubt)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/22 "2010-11-25T17:34:04Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > It really gets under my skin when children break their toys on purpose, as a kind of play. You know… tying G. I. Joes to bottle rockets, melting plastic army men, cutting off a Barbie’s hair. I’ve always felt that way, since I was a little kid. I don’t know if it’s the ungratefulness or the wanton destructiveness or what, but it basically makes me hate the kid who does it. > > My husband tells me that he used to do that stuff, so I’m trying to become understanding. Same here, and it’s not so much related to the notion of such behavior indicating future cruel/antisocial behavior as, well, I don’t know. Come on, toys should be your friends! Also, wastage, like **saliqmind** says. One thing that increased my distaste for my ex was his tendency to throw away, without a second thought, anything without consideration for its usefulness, condition, impact on the landfill, etc. Seeing people embarrass or shame their kids in public. It happened so much to me and it makes me cringe for them. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/23 "2010-11-25T20:37:05Z")
People who are glued to their cell phones and insist that they have to be connected. Like ten years ago almost no one had these things, now you have people that are glued to them and insist they can’t be seperated from them. Fine if you want to use it, but it’s not oxygen 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/24 "2010-11-26T00:28:18Z")
People equating the TSA patdown to sexual assault. As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I’ll take the patdown, thanks, and you can have the unwanted dick in your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/25 "2010-11-26T10:39:27Z")
People being mean-spirited. Because they’re wasting my time. Waste. Of time, of people (bad management), of physical resources. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/26 "2010-11-26T14:23:27Z")
I think the word “offense” has gone the way of the word “outrage” where it used to be toward the extreme and now denotes relatively minor issues. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/27 "2010-11-26T15:52:55Z")
> [@Fiveyearlurker](#): > > I think the word “offense” has gone the way of the word “outrage” where it used to be toward the extreme and now denotes relatively minor issues. You’d think so reading this thread. I’m beginning to wonder if the definition of ‘offense’ was officially changed in the last week and I didn’t notice. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/28 "2010-11-26T16:32:24Z")
The one thing that offends me more than anything else is being spoken to as though I were an idiot. Racism and sexism are a close second and third, respectively. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/29 "2010-11-26T16:48:11Z")
Honestly, I think taking offense at things is a sign of personal work to be done. That’s not to say I don’t think certain things aren’t deplorable and possibly worth righteous anger, like racism, sexism, or whatever, but letting such things affect my personal state never pays off. For example, with regard to racism, if someone says something that they don’t intend as racist but comes off that way, there’s no point in me getting upset because it wasn’t intended; instead, it can be pointed out, and if it was truly unintended, they’re now aware of it and it won’t happen again. Getting upset in that situation can potentially blow it out of proportion, or force them to get defensive, neither of which is productive. If, OTOH, someone says something racist with the intention of being racist and being offensive, then to let it affect my emotional state is to allow them to achieve their goal. Instead, the best result is to remain calm and take whatever action is appropriate rather than responding in anger and escalating the situation. That said, there are some things that do still offend me, particularly belligerent willful ignorance, but even in that case, being offended solves nothing, as being stubborn and fighting back won’t change their minds and will just get them to dig in their heals, and getting angry just escalates the situation. However, I strive to resolve that sort of situation so that, in the future, I won’t be offended by it anymore. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/30 "2010-11-26T18:09:50Z")
People who can’t park their car within the lines. Doubly offended when it’s a big truck and doofus can’t seem to figure out how to park in less than 1.5 spaces. I almost never do anything about it though. With the exception of the following note left on a giant, lifted pickup: "\*Son, I understand that little boys love to play with dangerous looking toys. And adults like me smile indulgently as we watch children like you straining to look like bad hombres, while glowering at the world from behind your playthings. But eventually you have to grow up, and either use toys more appropriate to your size, or learn to operate the ones you haven’t yet grown into. If you need any help learning to drive and park this beast, feel free to ask any of the men you see on this lot. We’ll be glad to help you. The men are easy to pick out, they can park their cars in the spaces. Best wishes on your path to becoming a grownup\*." Not exactly word for word, but very close. I didn’t keep a copy. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/31 "2010-11-26T18:26:00Z")
What offends me are people who judge people on the most limited information and then refuse to hear more information. I am I am not 47, although that is my age, I am not my age. I am not a man, although that is my gender, I am not my gender. I am not white, although that is my race, I am not my race. I am not a criminal, although I have a criminal record, I am not my crime. I am not unemployed, although I have no job, I am not my employment status. I am not depressed, although I have that disability, I am not my disability. I am me. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/32 "2010-12-02T04:30:11Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Sorry (and likewise to Gatopescado). Well, …thanks? But I stand by my reply. It wasn’t a joke. Gum-chewers, smokers etc. offend me. I’m not being “holyier than thou”. I have _many_ bad, disgusting habits. I just don’t do them in front of you, in _public_. If I did, I would be on this list _Of Things That Offend You._ ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/33 "2010-12-02T09:30:01Z")
People who are willfully ignorant and proud of it just … I just want to slap the bitch out of them. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/34 "2010-12-02T18:37:12Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > People who can’t park their car within the lines. Doubly offended when it’s a big truck and doofus can’t seem to figure out how to park in less than 1.5 spaces. I almost never do anything about it though. With the exception of the following note left on a giant, lifted pickup: > > "\*Son, > I understand that little boys love to play with dangerous looking toys. And adults like me smile indulgently as we watch children like you straining to look like bad hombres, while glowering at the world from behind your playthings. But eventually you have to grow up, and either use toys more appropriate to your size, or learn to operate the ones you haven’t yet grown into. If you need any help learning to drive and park this beast, feel free to ask any of the men you see on this lot. We’ll be glad to help you. The men are easy to pick out, they can park their cars in the spaces. > > Best wishes on your path to becoming a grownup\*." > > Not exactly word for word, but very close. I didn’t keep a copy. Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/35 "2010-12-02T18:52:04Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > People who are willfully ignorant and proud of it just … I just want to slap the bitch out of them. Word. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/36 "2010-12-02T19:11:09Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Right after I got married, I remember buying a box of donuts, and my husband took a bite out of one and pitched the rest into the trash. Was there something wrong with it? No? Then W! T! F! do you think you are doing??? I inquired, and he said, well, I only wanted one bite! He never did that again! The other day my stepson walked up to the sink and dumped out most of a glass of orange juice. He was startled when his dad and I both clutched at our chests and staggered like Redd Foxx. I’m an atheist, but I have been known to use the word “sin” to describe people throwing away food. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/37 "2010-12-02T19:42:50Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > and you can have the unwanted dick in your mouth. Can honestly say this has never happened to me. Never wanted one there either. Maybe a poll coming soon. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/38 "2010-12-02T22:00:08Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > The other day my stepson walked up to the sink and dumped out most of a glass of orange juice. He was startled when his dad and I both clutched at our chests and staggered like Redd Foxx. I’m an atheist, but I have been known to use the word “sin” to describe people throwing away food. Depends. Was it genuine freshly squeezed orange juice, or some nasty reconstituted pastuerized tasteless muck? The former, I’m with you. The latter? Meh. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/39 "2010-12-02T22:02:18Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > People equating the TSA patdown to sexual assault. As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I’ll take the patdown, thanks, and you can have the unwanted dick in your mouth. YIPES. My sympathies, truly. (Apart from the STD issue, I think forced oral copulation would be worse than regular rape. I really feel for you.) ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791/40 "2010-12-03T00:13:09Z")
I am offended by people who are convinced that all poor people are lazy or stupid, and must let you know that they not only don’t give a shit about your problems, you deserve to have nothing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-offends-you-and-why/561791.md?page=3)