# What old-fashioned name should I use for this purpose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693 "2012-05-12T15:09:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/1 "2012-05-12T15:09:20Z")
I publish a company newsletter. It has been printed on paper for many years, but will soon be delivered electronically via email. Few people know about the change; most will learn of it when they receive and open the next issue from their inbox. On page one I plan on putting in a text box, in a large goofy font: Q: HEY! WHERE IS MY PAPER COPY?!? A: Welcome to the 21st century, (name)! (followed by a save-the-trees/efficiency explanation of the many advantages of this sort of distribution). I am stuck, though, as how to fill in the (name) part. I’m thinking something along the lines of Gertrude or Nellie, but I am thinking there is a better choice that I am missing. I obviously want to connote that the person questioning the move is behind the times, a luddite, maybe someone whose mind is still in the stone age. Anyway, I think you get the idea. Any suggestions? Thanks! mmm ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/2 "2012-05-12T15:16:00Z")
If I get your main point, I would suggest using whatever name you have currently and modifying it to sound more “with it” than the old name. For instance, if you’d been calling it “Flambert’s Doings” you could try “Flambert Tweets Another One” or something along those lines. Well, you did ask for ideas! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/3 "2012-05-12T15:20:58Z")
I’d go Amish. Jedediah or something. ---
**Author:** ![kmshrader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@kmshrader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kmshrader)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/4 "2012-05-12T15:22:22Z")
I’m going to second Flambert, because that’s just great. A couple others: Clyde, Milburn, Elmer. If you want female: Esther, Minnie, Agnes, Mavis. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/5 "2012-05-12T15:26:58Z")
Just make sure it’s not someone’s real name on your distribution list! Archibald or Agatha ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/6 "2012-05-12T15:29:54Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Just make sure it’s not someone’s real name on your distribution list! > Archibald or Agatha Right you are! For assistance there, check the recent thread on “Given Names: What Were They Thinking?” ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/7 "2012-05-12T15:30:29Z")
Prudence. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/8 "2012-05-12T15:32:20Z")
I would be less than amused to be insulted by a company newsletter. Particularly one that is changing formats and seems overly proud of itself for doing so. That said, if you insist on going forward with what I consider a bad idea, maybe Methuselah, or Rip Van Winkle. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/9 "2012-05-12T15:46:19Z")
Captain America. ---
**Author:** ![iftheresaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/10 "2012-05-12T15:55:21Z")
Phineas. No question. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/11 "2012-05-12T16:03:08Z")
McFly. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/12 "2012-05-12T16:18:10Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I obviously want to connote that the person questioning the move is behind the times, a luddite, maybe someone whose mind is still in the stone age. “Welcome to the 21st century, Stoneage McLuddite!” Bonus: Nobody on your mailing list will be insulted by you using their actual name. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/13 "2012-05-12T16:39:33Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I would be less than amused to be insulted by a company newsletter. Particularly one that is changing formats and seems overly proud of itself for doing so. Are you serious? Does anyone else feel this way? mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/14 "2012-05-12T16:52:36Z")
[Poll](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=651556) created to gauge offensiveness. mmm ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/15 "2012-05-12T17:07:55Z")
I replied in your poll, but I’ll say it here, too. If you do this, don’t use any name. Any name you put in makes the statement more denigrating. Just use “Welcome to the 21st century!”. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/16 "2012-05-12T17:37:23Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Are you serious? > > Does anyone else feel this way? > mmm Well, it’s not a “pistols at dawn” level offense, but I do find it mildly insulting. Pretty much any of the names suggested could be replaced with “Dumbass” while still conveying the same sentiment, and I suspect some might read it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/17 "2012-05-12T18:13:08Z")
Hmmm…based on the (early) poll results, I am definitely re-considering going this route. Thanks for pointing it out, Oakminster. mmm ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/18 "2012-05-12T18:17:38Z")
If you still want old-timey names, I asked a similar question once and [got a few hundred old-fashioned names](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=561517). ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/19 "2012-05-12T18:54:43Z")
Some old biblical name perhaps, like Ezekiel or Hezekiah. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693/20 "2012-05-12T19:05:19Z")
I have to say that this is what real adult-level dialogue looks like. Kudos to everyone for such a useful exchange! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-old-fashioned-name-should-i-use-for-this-purpose/621693.md?page=2)