What Part of "Don't Take My Picture!" Don't You Understand?

I have a long history of skin problems. There are times it looks like my bare skin was dragged at high speed along a gravel road.

It doesn’t happen too often, but there have been times when my skin is cracked, raw, and oozing. When eating causes the skin around my mouth to split and bleed. When even a small smile is excruciatingly painful, and, again, leads to blood trickling down my chin.

Not to mention the infamous abcess requiring surgery that was immortalized here in one fo the TMI threads.

I do NOT want my picture taken with blood running down my face, or puss oozing out of canyon-sized gashes in my face. I do NOT want my picture taken when I have rashes, eruptions, and other blemish disfigurations. I do not want these things immortalized, preserved, or graphically documented. I do not want the reminders of those times. When my skin is clear and healthy I want to pretend it has always been that way.

This had made me very leery of picture taking in general. I do NOT want ambush photography done. My husband is very considerate of my issues, and when he photographs me he makes the effort to present me in the best light and minimize whatever skin craziness is going on. I find very few other people do this. Indeed, it seems the more I say “no” the more they want to pursue the “capture”.

Mind you, I’ll pose for group photos at events and so on… but it is necessary to my sense of safety and privacy to have some control over photographs of me.

Fortunately, as time has passed my skin problems have dimished. But just because I may appear in public with whole, unirritated skin doesn’t mean my past never happened. It’s not enough to say someone’s reaction is “irrational” or out of proportion. If someone was afraid of snakes, would it be OK to lock them in a room full of harmless garter snakes? If someone is afraid of water is it OK to throw them into a swimming pool?

No means no. It’s that simple.

Look, let me reduce the situation to its bare essentials. Three times I asked a woman not to do something to me. My friend asked her not to once. Even so, not only did she do it, she made a point of letting me know she’d done it. Is it so hard to understand why I’d find her behaviour objectionable?

We’re not talking about an official convention photographer. We’re not talking about someone taking pictures of a crowd or people posing with writers. We’re talking about a stranger in a room with a camera who decided her desire to have a photo of someone she’d never met before and may never meet again was more important than what that stranger wanted. The impression I got was her recovery mattered more than anything else, including common courtesy.

A buddy of mine is a local SF writer. In fact, I met him at one of these conventions. If someone had tried to give him a copy of her manuscript for him to read and, after he’d said no because of time constraints or whatever, had informed him that it was too bad; she’d slipped it under the door of his room or stuck it in a bag he was carrying, would those of you who are telling me I have no reason to object find that objectionable?

I made a simple request of a stranger when I was in pain and a lot more vulnerable than I let on. That request and my wishes were treated as completely irrelevant and meaningless. That’s why I started this thread.

CJ

I understand what you are saying, but in the context of the OP and the thread, the first blanket statement was glaringly wrong. However, as I said, I thought I had read page 2 (I had many windows open) and I didn’t see the modification to the first statement, therefore I was incorrect in posting in the first place.

Nothing against Diogenes in sticking my nose in. I get into a few fights with photographers over their “rights” and the topic is one which is irritating to me.

Very clearly.

Broomstick, I had issues with my skin when I was in the latter stages of High School. I had BAD acne. I hated having my picture taken at that point and still shudder when I see old photos of me back then. However, I did realise at the time that those that wanted to take the photos loved me and I realised what the intent of the photos were. I tried to place the rational desires and good intentions of the picture taker over my irrational and hormonal driven objections.
I don’t regret having my picture taken back then, it allows me to see how bad My skin was back then and how far I’ve come since. It reminds me how I was able to cope with such a condition during the (supposedly) best years of my life and how strong I had to be to get through those times. My skin was really rough.
It helps me contrast my troubled life back then with life since. Sometimes that helps.

Maybe the photographer found you visually interesting, beautiful, or memorable in some other way. You don’t always have control of the impact you leave on people.

I didn’t see this addressed anywhere> This:

irritates the shit out of me. FUCK no, you can’t ask me to keep my swearing in the Pit. This isn’t a fucking kiddie board. This is a board where people talk about everything from politics to bodily functions. As long as I don’t directly insult someone, I’ll fucking swear as fucking much as I fucking want, your preference for a light and fluffy MPSIMS be damned. Go find the Disney board if you don’t like it. We’re adults here.

Hell, I’ve used “fuck” in MPSIMS thread titles, and probably will do so again. Try not to have a light, fluffy aneurysm about it, OK?

OK, wrap your mind around this - for me it’s not acne. It’s not a temporary, hormone-driven adolescent nightmare. It’s a problem that appeared when I was only a few months old, and one I still battle with. The “cures” aren’t really cures, they’re drugs that all have side effects that make taking them on a regular basis prohibitive - and even they don’t always work.

In fact, I’m battling an eruption right now. This morning I woke up and had to pry the pillowcase off my chin, which has mutated into an oozing, nasty mess.

This is NOT something that will go away, that I will outgrow. I will be fighting this the rest of my life. There will never be a time to look back and say “ah - that’s behind me now!” It’s painful, it’s itchy, it’s ugly.

Those who love me and care about me do not take pictures of me in that state.

{{{{Siege}}}}

Hugs for anyone who doesn’t like looking at photos of themselves or the thought of other people looking at photos of them.

It was rude.
It was uncalled for.
It was insensitive.

You’re allowed to be upset.

Where the hell are my hugs? People look at me, damn it!

Do you have a cite?
I’ve had my picture taken at a public event, and the photographer had to have a release signed to use it. Since it was a picture of my bikknied ass while I was in line for the porta-potty, I refused. It wasn’t used. I asked that they not take my picture again and they agreed, saying it was my choice, and apologizing for the first picture.
BTW, it was actually video tape, taken by ABC Wide World of Sports, at an Over-the-Line tourney.

So, if Siege sued this person for ‘emotional distress’, would you make the photographer fork over money?

You need to read the rest of the thread. Permission is needed to use the pictures for commercial or advertising reasons. It is not needed simply to take the pictures.

No wonder so many places don’t accept Czech’s

I agree with what DtC said, but not nessesarily how he said it. :stuck_out_tongue:

Siege, that person was rude, even if they were *legally *in the right.

Diogenes - I agree that the french fry analogy isn’t the best. How about this one: Your elderly mother falls on the steps on her way to her garden club meeting. Her arms are scraped and her skirt has flipped up over her head. Mr. Smith, known for taking pictures of roses and attractive widows, zeroes in with his camera and starts taking pictures of dear old mom while she can’t protect herself. She begs him to stop, asks for help, but he just chortles and continues to take pictures while she lies there bleeding with her legs exposed. Illegal? Pehhaps not. Churlish and extremely rude? Definately.

Siege - You have my total sympathy. I usually avoid pictures by volunteering to take group pics at all gatherings. I no longer try to be polite. I’m rather blunt and just say, “Look. I won’t have my picture taken. Stop now.” I just don’t care that much about being liked.

StG

I wish you would have told me this two years ago.

Oh well, no one has seen it anyway.

Mad Hermit, you’re one of my favorite posters here and I rather like that photo. I don’t mind that you posted in the wrap up thread about the Dopefest it was taken at. In fact, you can post it again in this thread if you like. It’s better than the photo I linked to, as I recall.

I also think I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t have taken it if I’d asked you not to, especially if I’d asked you not to more than once. This woman didn’t.

As I keep saying, this isn’t about the mere taking of a picture. It’s about overriding the wished of a stranger. Under normal circumstances, when I realized she wasn’t going to listen, I would have walked away. This time, just standing up and walking away was something I simply was not capable of without great pain and difficulty and the risk of further physical injury. Then again, under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have minded her taking a photo. This wasn’t normal circumstances.

72 hours before this incident, I was expecting to have knee surgery, the first time I would have had surgery in my life, and I was scared. About 48 hours before this incident, I found out that, instead of having knee surgery, I was going to need to wear a large, mechanical, rather ugly looking brace for the next 6 weeks. I was still getting used to it and what it did to my appearance and my walk. I felt clumsy and ugly in it, even though it does beat needing to use crutches, which is what I had been doing since June 1st. I’d taken it off because it was chafing badly enough to raise blisters and, in fact, I switched over to crutches for the rest of the day not long after this. I wasn’t at my emotional best, but I figured I’d be better off at the con, surrounded by good friends and interesting conversation than sitting at home alone, bored, and frustrated because here was yet another thing I’d wanted to do but couldn’t. I was right, despite this incident.

galt, I assume you think I’m being oversensitive. I assume you had a better childhood than I did and have a higher opinion of yourself. My life hasn’t granted me those privileges. Does that honestly give another woman I’d never met before to treat my wishes like they are completely and utterly meaningless?

Diogenes, would you please just for a sentence or two consider the human being, not the legalities which I didn’t bring up in the first place*?!

To the rest of you, thianks for understanding,
CJ

I sympathise, really.
If I were in your shoes I’d feel the same way. I hope people respect your wishes.
But mostly, I hope you find a cure or outgrow this, whatever it is.

By the way, Broomstick, have you shared the name of your affliction with the SD yet? You know, in case anyone here has a better way of dealing with or treating it? Just curious.

You have to admit, though, that while rude, that also would be hysterical to see.