# What part of "Fire Lane: No Parking" don't you fuckspigots understand? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 19, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286 "2003-10-19T01:41:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/1 "2003-10-19T01:41:07Z")
So I come home to my apartment this afternoon after a late lunch. There’s a black Honda illegally parked in the fire lane outside my door. Hmm, says I, probably someone who’s in a hurry to pick someone up, since there are about a dozen open parking spaces in the immediate vicinity. Wrong. An hour and a half later it’s still there. Still in the fire lane. I call the police. They send someone after I tell them about the car, giving them the license number. A half hour later the three nitwit owners show up. A guy and two girls. I ask if they realised they had parked in a fire lane. “Yeah, sorry.” says the leader. “You’ve been there for two hours.” Quoth the moron, “Yeah, I fell asleep.” “You fell asleep?” Fell asleep. That’s a good one. I should use that if I’m ever caught speeding or double-parked. I fell asleep. I want to know his train of thought. Let’s see, I’m illegally parked in a fire lane, I think I’ll lie down. Oops, I fell asleep without moving the car. “Yeah. But we’re leaving now.” “Well I called the police.” “We’re leaving now.” “Oh good. What if they’re been a fire? It says ‘No Parking’!” I walk away, one of the girls mutters “That’s neighbourly.” Then the police arrive. I direct the police car over to the Honda. They say something to the cop, and both drive off, the Honda following the police car. Then the Honda turns down a side street while the cop keeps going. Fuckers. I hope they get a ticket or something. Maybe the idiot will fall asleep while driving. I wouldn’t be at all suprised if he did. ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/2 "2003-10-19T03:59:30Z")
I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. ---
**Author:** ![Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/3 "2003-10-19T04:00:48Z")
> [@](#): > > What part of “Fire Lane: No Parking” don’t you fuckspigots understand? Probably [this](http://www.fmam.org/images/fire_l1.jpg) part. (Or [this](http://www.fmam.org/images/fire_l2.jpg) part.) ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/4 "2003-10-19T04:03:20Z")
Always makes me think of the scene from _Backdraft_ where they have to smash out the windows of the expensive car to get the hose from the hydrant to the fire. Very cathartic. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/5 "2003-10-19T04:03:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. \*\* Wow. Just… wow. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/6 "2003-10-19T04:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. Then, dumbass, I direct your attention to that scene in _Backdraft_ where the firefighters had to “redesign” the car illegally parked next to the fire hydrant they needed to use. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/7 "2003-10-19T04:07:28Z")
you got a response (at all) from the police??? I had a co- worker who lived near the end of a narrow one way street. At the end of the street was the fire hydrant. a neighbor of his parked in front of it **daily** , all day, all night (he had several cars and there was always at least one parked blocking the hydrant). We contacted the police. the parking enforcement people. The fire department. The city council. the Mayor’s office. Months. I helped him write letters. at least, I figure, that when there’s a fire and the fire department can’t get to the hydrant and the houses all burn down, there’s gonna be documentation of the problem that was ignored. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/8 "2003-10-19T04:08:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. \*\* What, are your legs broke? You’re not special. Park like the rest of us, shithead. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/9 "2003-10-19T04:12:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. \*\* As the wife of a firefighter, I must invite you to f\*\*k off and ease off the narcotics, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/10 "2003-10-19T04:15:24Z")
So let’s consider things. **county** always parks in fire lanes, and advocates that people who cross picket lines be beaten with axe handles. There’s a word that goes with this sort of person… ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/11 "2003-10-19T04:17:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*There’s a word that goes with this sort of person… \*\* Yes, and I used it. It felt so good, I’ll use it again: SHITHEAD. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/12 "2003-10-19T04:21:07Z")
I was thinking ASSHOLE or maybe RATFUCKER, but SHITHEAD will work. ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/13 "2003-10-19T04:28:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*So let’s consider things. **county** always parks in fire lanes, and advocates that people who cross picket lines be beaten with axe handles. > > There’s a word that goes with this sort of person… \*\* If you disagree in one thread and then carry that issue into a different thread on an unrelated topic … Isn’t there a rule against that? (And I certainly don’t advocate beating people with axe handles; usually, simply gesturing with the handle is enough, and if it isn’t, one tap will almost always do the trick.) ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/14 "2003-10-19T04:28:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*I park in fire lanes all the time, there is hardly ever a fire. \*\* … I’m being whooshed, here, right? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/15 "2003-10-19T04:34:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*If you disagree in one thread and then carry that issue into a different thread on an unrelated topic … > > Isn’t there a rule against that?\*\* If the different thread is in The Pit, then no. Which it is. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/16 "2003-10-19T04:38:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*So let’s consider things. **county** always parks in fire lanes, and advocates that people who cross picket lines be beaten with axe handles. > > There’s a word that goes with this sort of person… \*\* Actually, I was thinking of the T-word, but the other suggestions have a piquancy all their own. In a way I think it would be interesting to encourage **county** to keep on doing what s/he alleges s/he does. I would so like to be their when their car is destroyed so that the firefighters can get to the hydrant. **county** is most likely living under a bridge, if you catch my drift. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/17 "2003-10-19T04:41:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > \*\*If you disagree in one thread and then carry that issue into a different thread on an unrelated topic … > > Isn’t there a rule against that? \*\* Nope. There is, however a rule that you should reference a thread or cite if you’re bringing one up in your defense – and there’s also a rule that’s you can’t be an asshole for long in the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/18 "2003-10-19T04:42:32Z")
Just curious, **county** , do you park in handicapped spots too? ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/19 "2003-10-19T04:46:41Z")
Nah, I don’t think I was “T-wording” - I was just pissed at Michael Ellis about crossing picket lines. If I violated any rules or conventions, I apologize. Hell we don’t even have “fire lanes” here in Memphis, except at malls and the like and everybody parks in those. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286/20 "2003-10-19T04:50:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by county \* > **I was just pissed at Michael Ellis about crossing picket lines.** So you extrude some lovely bullshit about threatening people with axe handles? Nice way to win over your opponents you got there, Chester. > [@](#): > > \*\*Hell we don’t even have “fire lanes” here in Memphis, except at malls and the like and everybody parks in those. \*\* Right, so because everyone does it, it’s all hunky-dory? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-fire-lane-no-parking-dont-you-fuckspigots-understand/208286.md?page=2)