# What part of 'please' don't you understand? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 26, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226 "2001-06-26T18:32:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![N\_A\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/6de8d8/32.png) [@N\_A\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N_A_M)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/1 "2001-06-26T18:32:33Z")
Godalmightyintheheavensabove, I hate how my fellow greasy, hormone-laden adolescents act. Gather 'round, folks, a story will be heard. It was about a month ago, and I was in the library. This little towhead of a kid was sitting with a group of his friends, bugging the daylights out of them in a definitely NON-library voice. I could hear the little bugger from across my school’s reasonably-large library; I could make out every word he said. But that’s not why I’m mad. One of his friends pulled out a stick of gum, and the aforementioned towhead began repeating ‘I want gum’ like a broken record. I mean, he kept repeating it until his friend relented, as if bombarding him with his high-pitched, loud voice were akin to blasting him with a mind-control ray. Maybe it was garbled or lost across the distances of bookshelves, but how in the name of all that is good does ‘I want gum’ mean ‘I would like to partake in the gum in your possession’? Where did we (meaning most of the under-18 crowd) lose that word, ‘please’? Where did we lose the interrogative sentence structure that normally accompanies requests? Sorry about the harsh tone, but I’m pretty ticked right now about how I seem to be an island of courtesy in a slovenly sub-culture. I, and most of my friends work ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ into our words. It’s not like they’re evil syllables that summon daemons from the lowest depths of Hades! Why does modern adolescent society turn a blind eye, and even praise impoliteness? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/2 "2001-06-26T21:17:55Z")
Good manners are the grease in the wheels of civilization. And that’s all I have to say about that. Except I might come back later and say more stuff. Okay, **that’s** all I have to say about that. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/3 "2001-06-26T22:01:16Z")
well young whippersnapper (I’ve never had a better situation to use that word), back in the olden days, when I was a teen, said courtesy was a’dyin’ breed,too. (I’d interject the sound of a spit in here for ‘color’ but I can’t spell it, and I find it pretty yucky, too), but, I suspects that we-all have managed to muddle through anyhow. seriously - I got laughed at when I said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ while at work at T Scott’s (a little fast food/ice cream joint I worked at until the owner skipped town owing money to both the mob and the IRS, or so rumor had it :eek: ) but I suspect that ‘please’ and ‘thanks’ still come out of your contemporaries’ mouths at other times. Although I tend to say please and thanks to one and all (especially to dear ones), it isn’t necessarily the norm. Now, gimme gum, I wannnnnnnt it. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/4 "2001-06-26T22:43:18Z")
This girl in my chemistry class last year would always yell across the room to me, “Gum. Gum. Gum? **Gum**! Gummmmm? _Gum_. Gum. Gum?!” It was like she had her own language based off of that word. She couldn’t even find it in her heart to say, “I want…” It makes me sick. I would tell my friend, Angie, who always had gum, not to even dare getting it out because that girl would assault her with her one-word vocabulary. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/5 "2001-06-26T22:45:37Z")
You just gotta walk across the library, smack the little brat upside the head, and say “Shut the hell up, you little snot!” We gotta teach these little whipper-snappers who’s boss, right? Youngsters these days… they don’t have any manners at all! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LoverBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@LoverBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LoverBoy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/6 "2001-06-26T22:46:55Z")
[http://www.theonion.com/onion3722/too\_generous.html](http://www.theonion.com/onion3722/too_generous.html) A particularly relevant article. - Rob ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/7 "2001-06-26T23:45:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Good manners are the grease in the wheels of civilization. Or, as **goboy** once put it, “courtesy is the KY jelly of social intercourse.” [sup]Gawd, I LOVE that line[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/8 "2001-06-26T23:59:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*You just gotta walk across the library, smack the little brat upside the head, and say “Shut the hell up, you little snot!” > > We gotta teach these little whipper-snappers who’s boss, right? Youngsters these days… they don’t have any manners at all! 😃 \*\* NO, NO NO! You smack them upside the head and say, “Shut the hell up, please.” 😃 Honestly its like you didn’t even read the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/9 "2001-06-27T00:24:57Z")
Yyyyyyyep. Politeness is not an indication of sheltered background and therefore of a lack of experience (as it’s often perceived) - it is a sign of respect, indicating that you regard yourself at least equal to and if possible of less worth than the person to whom you’re speaking. That’s why we do it. To make folk feel good about themselves, and to introduce an atmosphere of mutual respect. It’s said that any flattery is hostility (Proverbs somewhere). So we don’t have to lie. There is plenty truly good about whoever we’re talking to. I recently told a lady in my nursing home (a resident, who was upset about needing our help) that she was in her own home, as indeed she is, and that we staff, so easily misperceived as those in charge, were her servants. This immediately met with a horrified “Speak for yourself” from other staff. To be truly polite one must be humble, and to really be able to put yourself down, you must be entirely secure in who you are. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/10 "2001-06-27T06:03:41Z")
He didn’t say: \*_Give me some f@king gum_, in which case **Please** is not the operative word. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/11 "2001-06-27T10:25:40Z")
It has always been thus. A quote attributed to Socrates: > [@](#): > > “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in lace of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” Kids. Feh. 😉 Fran ---
**Author:** ![Kopi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d2c977/32.png) [@Kopi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kopi)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/12 "2001-06-27T12:29:38Z")
I recently had a similar conversation with my brother where we found ourselves recalling our immaculate manners and good graces as children. We couldn’t especially remember being ‘trained’ to always say please and thank you, to ALWAYS address an adult as Mr. and Mrs., Dr., etc. (this was especially important), to open doors for our fellow man, so on and so forth. It came up while we were in a restaurant where I was as usual prompting my children for the appropriate responses to the wait service. “What do you say?” “WHAT DO YOU SAY???” … please, thank you… yes, thank you… no, thank you. It is a never-ending task reminding them, urging them, POUNDING into their little craniums the magnanimous importance of courtesy and appropriate respect for their elders. Finally last week, my oldest was heavily complimented on her exquisite etiquette while we were out. YESSSSSSS!!! I thought. Ten goddamned years of constant nagging, badgering, criticism and praise… it had finally revealed itself! By GEORGE, she’s got IT! Victory at long last! Perhaps my parents went through this as well and I was so young that I don’t recall. Nevertheless, it was second nature. So the lesson here is this… brain wash them when they’re young!!! Etch it in their little empty heads before they go out into society damnit! Oh, uhhh… please. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/13 "2001-06-27T12:49:40Z")
Other couples are often surprised that my husband and I always use “please” and “thank you” with each other. It really does make interaction much nicer. Oh, I hope next time you’ll bash his skull in for talking loud in the library. I wrote a rant about that a few months ago. When did this become OK? Zette ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/14 "2001-06-27T13:16:22Z")
The other day, my wife asked me if I would require that the GrizzCub(nearly 9 months old now!) use “Sir” and “Ma’am” when addressing elders and those in positions of respect. “Absolutely!” was my immediate reply. Maybe the more subtle way of handling the library incident would be to find a copy of “Miss Manners” and drop it on the table in front of the offending one. Nahhh… probably wouldn’t get the connection. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/15 "2001-06-27T21:45:42Z")
> [@](#): > > NO, NO NO! You smack them upside the head and say, “Shut the hell up, please.” Honestly its like you didn’t even read the OP. Sure I did. I don’t need to be polite anymore. I’m OLD, dammit! I DESERVE to treat other people like shit! ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/16 "2001-06-28T02:27:16Z")
I, too, am a youngun by elderly standards, and can’t believe some of the shit old people (hehe, sowy) take from kids. I was always aware that older people are _generally_ more intelligent than I was, and as to show respect for their worldliness and such, be nice and say “Please” and “Sir” and all that shit. Instead of “Please sir, could you hand me my pen? I dropped it beside you.” It’s now “Yo, old dude. Grab that for me, will ya?” If that. Or -pointing at floor- “Hey, get that.” ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/17 "2001-06-28T13:09:33Z")
My wife and I have 3 kids, 2 of which are old enough to talk. I don’t know how they managed to pick it up because we never ever nagged them to do it, but they both say “Please” and “Thank you”, and even say “Excuse me” when they want somone’s attention. We never really drilled it into them and they are so polite when asking for things. My guess is that Mrs. Dragwyr and I always talk that way in our every day life and that the kids must have just picked up from us. Looks like there is some hope after all. ---
**Author:** ![Kopi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d2c977/32.png) [@Kopi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kopi)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/18 "2001-06-28T13:21:12Z")
Very impressive Dragwyr. This must explain why mine say ‘ratshit’ whenever they drop something. Bad mommy, bad mommy! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/19 "2001-06-29T05:26:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Searching For Truth \* > **I was always aware that older people are _generally_ more intelligent than I was, and as to show respect for their worldliness and such, be nice and say “Please” and “Sir” and all that shit.** Riiiiighhhhhht. Like the elderly man in the McDonalds at which I worked who dropped a loogie into his shopping bag while giving me his order. (Okay, so I wasn’t a diner, but still.) Or the elderly man at Motel 6 who filled his picnic cooler from the ice machine, in defiance of the sign asking people not to take large amounts of ice. Or the two elderly women and one elderly man who put drops in each others’ eyes **at the table** in Roy Rogers. Or the elderly woman who blocked the aisle on the Greyhound for three whole minutes while others waiting to board bottlenecked behind her. Or my elderly second cousin who lets no one finish a sentence, and, my dad tells me, has inspired the waitstaff at the local diner to keep a rotating chart of who **has** to serve him. Or the elderly man at the seafood place… That said, however, the tyke in the OP is going to find himself with no friends sooner rather than later. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226/20 "2001-06-29T10:14:57Z")
Perhaps, **Rilchiam** , that’s why **Searching** used and highlighted the word _generally_. Fran [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-part-of-please-dont-you-understand/70226.md?page=2)