# What percentage of Western marriages are actually good/happy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 13, 2020, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859 "2020-02-13T03:08:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/21 "2020-02-16T16:30:58Z")
It really depends on what exactly you mean by “happy” The OP says ““Roommate marriages” - wedded but no love or pleasure in each other’s company, do not qualify as happy - secretly-contemplating-divorce marriages do not count, etc.” Someone earlier said something like “don’t conflate contentedness with happiness” . But “contentedness” is a form of “happiness”. It’s not the only form , but I suspect that if the question in a poll was whether people were “content” with their marriage rather than “happy” , you’d get different answers. Similarly " a roommate marriage" where the parties don’t take pleasure in each other’s company certainly isn’t happy, but what about one where the bedroom is dead because neither is interested in sex anymore ? I don’t think that one is automatically “unhappy”. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/22 "2020-02-17T00:53:43Z")
[How to Make Your Marriage Gayer: Same-sex spouses feel more satisfied with their partners than heterosexual ones. What’s the secret?](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/13/opinion/sunday/marriage-housework-gender-happiness.html?searchResultPosition=1) > [@](#): > > Here’s where same-sex couples can offer their different-sex counterparts useful tips. Since same-sex couples can’t use imputed male-female differences to sort out who does what, they rely less on stereotypes. Heterosexual parents tend to see tasks such as child care, laundry and dishes as part of a package that is handed to one partner. Same-sex couples are far more likely to each take on some traditionally “feminine” and some “masculine” chores. > > They are also more likely to share the routine tasks. A 2015 survey found that almost half of dual-earner, same-sex couples shared laundry duties, compared with just under a third of different-sex couples. And a whopping 74 percent of same-sex couples shared routine child care, compared with only 38 percent of straight couples. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/23 "2020-02-17T03:23:03Z")
Are they happier being alone? Are they content to just have a friend or the security of a partner at home? I’m not really sure how to measure all this. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/24 "2020-02-18T03:11:50Z")
I don’t think “happy” and “good” marriages are necessarily the same thing. I’m not even sure “happiness” is a good metric for judging a marriage. It’s like raising kids. No one has kids because years changing diapers and attending a bunch of birthday parties for toddlers makes them “happy”. By the same token, no one says at 29 “thank God I never have to have sex with another woman after this.” ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/25 "2020-02-18T04:30:21Z")
Last anniversary was the 60th. And no, not all of these were deliriously happy all the time - but divorce was never contemplated. I remember years ago reading that some well known female was asked if she had ever contemplated divorce. Her reply, “Never divorce. Occasionally murder.” ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/26 "2020-02-18T04:59:48Z")
> [@Daylate](#): > > I remember years ago reading that some well known female was asked if she had ever contemplated divorce. Her reply, “Never divorce. Occasionally murder.” Ninja’d. But I recall it as: She looked up with fire in her eyes and replied, “Divorce, never. Murder, often.” I’m on better terms with the current MrsRico of 40+ years. I saw a question on another site asking, “How would you spend a night with your ex?” The common answer (mine too) was, “There are REASONS they’re the ex!” And still alive. OP: How many marriages are “happy”? Hard to tell. But well-educated couples are much less likely to divorce than the less educated. [(cite)](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201205/you-do-not-have-5050-shot-successful-marriage) This doesn’t count the “poor man’s divorce” aka abandonment. But educated folk seem happier or at least more satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/27 "2020-02-18T17:33:35Z")
‘What is happiness?’ is in general a rat hole to go down, not just for marriage. Once you pull on that thread, there’s no end to it. Maybe the answer actually should be based on surveys, and take them at face value, or at least what we estimate people would say, if the question is ‘reasonably happy’. Snapshot: Around 2% of marriages end in divorce _in a given year_ in the US. So right now there’s a couple of % in the process, a couple of % who will next year, couple more slated for 2022, etc. Most times the problem that ends things doesn’t pop up out of nowhere (might pop up from perspective of one party but other knew it was there etc) so I think it’s reasonable estimate on average a number of years worth of upcoming divorces reflect unhappy marriages now. But 10 yrs worth seems like a lot and I doubt there are nowadays large %'s of people who are unhappy but will never divorce. So I think in snapshot ‘happy’ is more than 1/2, maybe 3/4’s. OTOH longitudinally over life, and condemning all of maybe 40%+ of marriages which eventually end in divorce as having been just ‘unhappy’ all along, then add in _some_ people who stick out consistently unhappy marriages for life, happy might be more like 1/2, or perhaps a bit less. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/28 "2020-02-18T18:35:31Z")
> [@RioRico](#): > > Ninja’d. But I recall it as: She looked up with fire in her eyes and replied, “Divorce, never. Murder, often.” I’m on better terms with the current MrsRico of 40+ years. I saw a question on another site asking, “How would you spend a night with your ex?” The common answer (mine too) was, “There are REASONS they’re the ex!” And still alive. > > OP: How many marriages are “happy”? Hard to tell. But well-educated couples are much less likely to divorce than the less educated. [(cite)](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201205/you-do-not-have-5050-shot-successful-marriage) This doesn’t count the “poor man’s divorce” aka abandonment. But educated folk seem happier or at least more satisfied. I feel I should point out that you could have murdered your partner 20 years ago and you would probably be getting out of jail about now…except you would be free! ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2020, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/29 "2020-02-19T01:24:36Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I feel I should point out that you could have murdered your partner 20 years ago and you would probably be getting out of jail about now…except you would be free! Finding someone else to put up with me would be difficult. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2020, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859/30 "2020-02-22T15:54:37Z")
> [@RioRico](#): > > Finding someone else to put up with me would be difficult. I think someone just wrote their vows! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-percentage-of-western-marriages-are-actually-good-happy/847859.md?page=1)